Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Faking orgasms?”)

I find myself faking my orgasms with my boyfriend of eight months. I know this probably isn’t healthy for our relationship, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him upset. And, honestly, I don’t need to orgasm every time because I still like the intimacy.  But every now and again would be nice. What should I do?
 
“Batteries….” Duracell, Energizer…. Even those cheap bogus brands… No, I am kidding (even though I’m sure some women might take this very seriously). The one thing you shouldn’t do is mislead him into thinking he is taking care of business when he really isn’t. Somewhere down the road the novelty of that will wear off for you, and you will begin to feel frustration.  Having an orgasm doesn’t necessarily have to do with size, but there may be other factors involved. Everyone is built differently, and what may work for some doesn’t necessarily work for others. It has been documented that a little thing like the condom brand you use might make a difference (That is, provided you are actually using protection). As for your man, the best thing to help alert him that he is doing something right is to be more expressive when he is hitting that “right spot.” In other words, “get louder”… like you are howling at the moon or something (or your eyes start to roll up into the back of your head while smoke exits your ears)… Then hopefully he will pick up on some signal to keep doing whatever it is that he is doing (because at that point, what he will believe that what he is doing is working). A man’s ego is the most fragile thing he has (contrary to popular belief) so if you talk to him about this then make sure that you do so in a “loving way.” You don’t even have to tell him that you are not “getting yours” but just express to him some things that you would like him to try when making love. As long as you are still physically attracted to him then it is very possible to work this out.  By the way, are you sure he isn’t also faking his? (Uh, well… Okay, FORGET that thought) Forget the part about the batteries too, even though I have heard that the stores are running out of them, and they have mostly being bought by “WOMEN.” Here is the Phantom Poet before this argument goes any “deeper.”:
 
 
 
So when it comes to having sex with my boyfriend, I never ever decline
But it would be nice in every once in awhile I could at least get “mine”
I love being intimate with him so with each opportunity I’ll take it
But I wonder if he can tell each time we’re together I fake it
I love him, but there is no way that originally I could have seen this
I am not sure if it would even matter if he had a bigger penis
Maybe it’s just something small that amounts to an oversight
Maybe he should go to the left when he wants to go to the right
Even though he is fairly well equipped and certainly well hung
Right now I’d settle if he just had a really long “tongue”
I know that for our relationship faking it really isn’t very healthy
But sometimes I feel I need to pleasure myself… see?
I have decided to tell him, because a girl has to do what a girl has to do
He said, “ I know, and I’ve been faking your credit card payments too”
He said, “You should have been honest with me, so in order to avoid any sexual wars
“I’ll work on paying mine if you work on getting yours”
I feel so bad and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings
My girlfriend said we both should try it hanging upside down from the ceilings
That’s ludicrous, that’s crazy, and there’s no way in the world that could ever do
But you know what? I think it’s working, so keep on going, “Boo”
Oh, WOW! I think I’m arriving. With this method, who needs a bed?
You’d just better hope that I get mine before ALL the blood rushes to your head
It worked! It worked! Now I know the exact way for me to get “that”
So if you intend to stay as my boyfriend, you’d better train to be an acrobat
So for all of you women out there who are trying your best to get your men to “please”
Take it from me. Ain’t NOTHING better then getting it hanging upside down from trees
I never ever thought that I would end up being one of these kind of girls
But I am happy and content. We just have to watch out for any squirrels
This may be a little bit dangerous, but my response to that is, “So what?”
I think we’re okay as long as the squirrel doesn’t go after the wrong kind of “nut”
So we’ve found the solution, and we now know how we need to get busy
And hopefully I will forevermore get mine… BEFORE he gets dizzy…
 
Now THIS is the real definition of “Love Hangover”… The Phantom Poet

 

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Paul Shafer (from the Letterman show) and Tom Bell with Brett Jolly in concert

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