Subject: Should I give in to him?
I am 37; never married, and have never even dated much. I am quiet, shy, overweight and plain. I have been seeing a man who is 42 years old, and who has also never been married. He has proposed, but I haven’t given him an answer because I don’t think I really love him. He is very good to me and treats me like a queen, but there is absolutely no spark. My question is: Do I marry him and “settle,” just to be married, or do I live the rest of my life alone? Is it better to take this chance and marry my best friend, or should I wait for a Prince Charming who might never arrive?
I’ve got news for you: If you don’t “think” you really love him, then chances are GREAT that you “don’t “ love him. When it comes to getting married, there should be no such thing as “settle” for second best (especially when a “first best” doesn’t even exist). You should never marry someone just for the “sake” of getting married… You marry someone because you LOVE him or her and you expect to be loved back. Would you want someone to marry you if they really didn’t love you? The most positive thing you have said is that this man is your best friend. While that may be a true blessing to have, it doesn’t mean that you should marry him just to keep his friendship. You certainly don’t give yourself very high ratings when describing yourself. It sounds more to me like you are setting yourself up for failure because you don’t believe that you are a “good catch”. If he loves you, then to HIM you ARE a good catch (and to him that is ALL that matters, so stop putting yourself down). You are currently with this man, and you obviously have known from the beginning that he is interested in you, and yet you say that there is absolutely no “spark”. If there is no spark, then what is it about him that propelled you to enter into a relationship with him in the first place? Was it just curiosity or did you actually have some feelings for him? If you are still in a relationship with him, then there must be SOME kind of feelings there. You described yourself as “Shy, overweight and plain”, and yet to this man you are probably the most beautiful thing he has ever come across. Many couples have married based on factors other than “love”. Many marriages have failed, too… A new husband is like buying a new car…. You don’t need to buy it in order to envision what it is like to ride in it. If you don’t love this man and don’t want to be with this man, then don’t waste his time. However, if he makes you feel good and treats you like a queen, and you LOVE that kind of treatment, then take the steps necessary to enrich your life with him. The one thing I do suggest for you is to tell him that you need a little more “time”. Time will do well for him, and for you, too, to see if you guys are really compatible for each other. Plus time CAN make you “fall in love” with someone special. Don’t rush your life into a stage that you are not ready for. You are more than entitled to ‘”wait” for happiness. When you go into a marriage with “doubts” then you are only setting yourself up for an insecure relationship. Take your time, and know for sure BEFORE you consider getting married… Now it is time for a sure revelation from the Phantom Poet:
I’m quiet, shy overweight and somewhat plain
At least one man wants to marry me, so I won’t complain
We enjoy each others company, and go for walks in the park
But when it comes to me loving him, there really is no spark
He asked me to marry him, but this news is not alarming
Should I accept his offer or wait for my Prince Charming?
I believe that he is the best man I will ever find
And it ain’t as though I got anyone else in mind
Let’s face it, I’m plain, and I am woman enough to admit it
He is the only one who finds me attractive enough to even want to “hit it”
With this one man it could very well be “now or never”
I could buy a dog and batteries, but that is a whole other endeavor
He could be the ONLY man I’ll ever be able to consider as a mate
And without him, my best option might be to “master-buy things”
Okay, when it comes to love, I may not be as smitten as I should be
But at least I know that I’ve got a man who truly loves me
I can wait for a better man, but I have no one else prepared
When the truth of the matter is that I am really just “scared”
I think I’m just plain and ordinary, and just a little shy
But God said “You’re beautiful” and I am sending you a really great guy
He said, “Think about this one well, because for you this is MY gift”
“You can turn it down now, but you may not get another… Get my drift?”
I shouldn’t turn down a blessing, and I should grasp the opportunity instead
So before he changes his mind, I have him locked in my basement with a gun to his head
Today I’m getting married, and these words I speak so true
If he expects to leave this basement alive, then today he’d better say, “I do”
“Till death do you part? Sir?”…. The Phantom Poet
If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co (don’t forget to put the hyphen (-) in the middle) and Brettjolly@aol.com. You can also send me a Skype friendship request at username Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.
The Miracles (From Smokey Robinson fame and “I’m just a Love Machine”) and Brett Jolly in concert