Mr. Jolly. My husband’s best friend comes over periodically to see him and they always appear to be very good friends. I was glad to see that he had male friends that still come to see him. His friend and I have talked several times and we have had some good discussions. However, my husband has a bowling night on Tuesdays of each week and ALL his good friends know about it. Last Tuesday someone rang our door and it turned out to be my husband’s friend. I informed him that this was my hubby’s bowling night, but for some reason he wanted to come in anyway to speak to me. I started to feel real uncomfortable with this, because I could tell that his intention wasn’t to talk to my husband at all. He started to tell me about the problems he is having with his own wife and he kept repeating to me that he is lonely. He kept complimenting me on how beautiful I was and how lucky my husband is. I wasn’t sure what was on his mind but when he finally decided to leave he asked me for a hug. I didn’t know how to tell him no, so I did hug him. He would not let me go for a long time. His intentions were very obvious and I don’t know if I should tell my husband about this or not. He said he may stop back next Tuesday to see me again. I don’t want any trouble and I am a good woman to my husband. How should I handle this?
Do what you would expect your husband to do if this situation were “reversed.” For this man to sneak behind his back and try to get close to you is totally disrespectful to you both. If you do nothing about it, then this man could possibly start to believe that you like him back, and that could be disastrous. You OWE it to your husband to tell him the truth and the “sooner the better.” While it is great for your husband to have male friends, he most certainly doesn’t need a male friend like “this.” As long as you are truthful, your husband should “appreciate” you for bringing this to his attention. Since this man already has a wife, he is disrespecting her as well. Once your husband knows about this and confronts his friend, I can pretty much tell you what this man is going to say. He will probably tell your husband that “you” led him on. If he is cowardly enough to try to sneak time with you behind your husband’s back then he is cowardly enough to blame you instead of himself. I can not tell you what to do about this specifically, because the answer to that should come from you and your husband. However, I will say that it would be nice if you both set up a little “sting trap” to catch this man in the act. Maybe you can hide your husband’s car next Tuesday and have him wait in the house for this man to come back over. For the record, just remember that some men will only try the things that they “think” they can get away with. If this man believes that he can be secretive with you then he is prone to believe that you “secretly” want him back. It is up to you to give him a “firm NO.” Show your husband that you have his back and report this to him immediately. The longer you wait the more uncomfortable it could be later on. Good luck to you and please update us on this situation.
Got a topic? You can contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.
Rapper Chuck D (Public Enemy) and Brett Jolly performing “Fight the Power” in concert
Mr. Jolly, I would love to know your take on the Anthony Weiner situation. He was accused of sending sexual texts to other women besides his wife years ago and ended up disgraced from office. Now he is running for mayor of New York city and this is his second time sending sexual messages by texts. It is obvious that he has a problem, but do you think he should be allowed to stay in the race?
Let’s be real about this… I am convinced that he did all of these things, so in that sense we all know he was “morally” wrong. Normally when someone runs for office and is caught doing something immoral he should be “run out” of the race. However, I have a problem coming to grips with whether the difference between him and all other political opponents is whether he was guilty of the crime or he was just guilty of being “caught.” You see, it is quite possible that a LOT of political candidates engage in some type of immoral behavior, but not enough of them get “caught in the act.” Former mayor of Washington DC Marion Barry was busted in a drug sting in a hotel. Bill Clinton was in danger of being impeached after having an affair with Monica Lewinsky in the oval office. President Obama has just recently been accused of violating everyone’s privacy by examining people’s private phone and internet messages. I have long “given up” on finding any political candidate without “some type of human flaw.” It is quite possible that Mr. Weinder has a “sex” addiction problem and may need help for it. I don’t know enough to be able to determine if that kind of problem will hinder him from doing a good job as an elected official. Clinton’s situation in office was “extremely” immoral, but that never stopped him from being a great President. Whatever Anthony Weiner’s problems are, he is still “no less human” than the rest of us. While it would seem that most people would not want someone with such a weakness as a leader I would not be able to judge his abilities just based on these incidents. I also know that it takes “two to tango.” I find it amazing that these women who are coming out of the woodwork are providing all this evidence as though “he” was the “only” one doing wrong. Considering the fact that he is a “highly well known” political figure I am sure that most of these women just “had to know” that he was already married. Most times “phone sex” involves two partners talking intimately, otherwise it lacks “impact.” Right now Anthony Weiner makes for a great “political punching bag,” The media is having a ball just “taking shots” at him. Being mayor of any city is a high level position that should warrant professional conduct, but if he is elected he will hardly be the first to “violate” the code of ethics that one must maintain. I don’t live in New York City so I won’t be able to vote for him anyway. What he did was indeed “troubling” but I also know that “no one” is perfect and we all are humanly prone to make mistakes. All jokes aside, I would still make a decision based solely on his platform. Thank you for submitting this topic, and have a great day.
Got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.
Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert
Someone asked me how I managed to keep my peaceful demeanor (and no, I am not going off on any “ego trip” here). I have this concept where I don’t intend on getting “frantic” over things I “can’t control.” As crazy as it sounds, if I were in a burning house, I would prefer to think “rationally” first before panicking. I have been in scary situations like riding in an air plane that had to “suddenly” swerve back up in to the sky because it wasn’t going to land right in the middle of a huge electrical storm. I have also experienced being in a train derailment (Many years ago in North Carolina between Raleigh and Vance). I also once encountered a rabid dog that was foaming at the mouth trying to attack me and I have also been “shot at.” When I was very young I ran out into the street and was nearly hit by a car. As dramatic as these experiences were, they have no bearing at all on why I view life the way I do. The one responsible for that is “my father.” You see, when I was younger, I was “very inquisitive” about a lot of things, and I loved to challenge people on just about “everything.” Each and every time I had a question or topic for my father, he “always” gave me an answer that made perfect sense. Sometimes it would get me angry, because I was just “waiting” for the opportunity to challenge him on anything he might say that I “knew” was wrong, but that moment “never” came… Whenever I questioned him about something he said, he never once told me to “just shut up and obey me.” He let me speak my piece and he ALWAYS had an appropriate response. Now, my father is 81 years old and not the knowledgeable man he used to be (but he is still sharp in a lot of ways). I thank him for instilling in me the ability to “rationalize and reason”in accordance with what I feel or know to be right. The other day I had a talk with my daughter about some new boy in her life. I know a lot of fathers who would just “say NO” for the sake of saying “no,” but I was determined NOT to be that kind of father. You see, I told my daughter that the most important thing is for her to know that she has a father that she can “always” come to “whenever” she needs to. I didn’t tell her that I hate the boy or that he needs to stay away from her. I had to come off as more of an “adviser” than an actual parent, and the reason for this is because I “remembered how my father handled me.” Some parents will continue to “behave” like parents for the lifespan of their children. What they don’t realize is that some children have to be allowed the opportunity to make their own mistakes growing up just like “we” did. No matter how much you love your kids, you should never try to live your live over “through them.” My father was instrumental in handling me, and I only hope I can be as “masterful” as he was with me and my brother when it comes to my own kids. My parents “never once” had to come down to the jailhouse to get us out of prison. We never did drugs. My parents kept me off the streets at night even though they knew we wanted to hang with the other kids late at night. It took me a long while, but after finding out what happened to a lot of those kids later on I came to realize that my parents were “right.” Control is not always a “guarantee.” Years ago I knew a church going woman who had 2 beautiful young girls. The girls were brought up in the church, and she protected and sheltered them through just about “everything.” Well, the day came when she finally had to let her girls go for their own into college. They went away out of the state, but they were “not” prepared for the outside world because they were “used” to their mother watching over them. BOTH of the kids got pregnant during their first year of college and had to drop out. What this told me at that time was that it is better for a parent to “guide” children than it is for a parent to “control” children. In other words, instead of issuing orders, it can be more beneficial to issue “guidance.” We ALL are human, and we all are prone to make mistakes, but if you can offer direction to a child then you can help that child “make better decisions” on his or her own (because I am not guaranteed to “always” be here). Life is fragile, unpredictable, and sometimes “scary.” Through the teachings of my father, I have come to realize that a “calm” demeanor will give you a much better edge than and panicked one. I also learned that it is best to give consideration to “all” possibilities and not just “go in the same direction as everyone else.” As long as I “feel good” about the person I am trying to be then I can feel good when I wake up in the morning. For me, that is the “ultimate justification.” Hope your day is special today. Have a great one.
Got a topic? You can contact me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1)). Thank you and have a great day.
Legendary singer Jerry Butler and Brett Jolly in concert
Recently I have had discussions with friends of mine who were “planning” to lose weight. A couple of my friends appeared to be “dedicated to the task” and claimed they were ready to put the process in motion. The interesting part is that it appears “each one” of them has a “different” method for “taking off” the weight. Not one of them had the same exact “diet” plan, but they all expected to get the same results. One friend of mine said that he planned to lose 40 pounds by working out with weights in the gym. One lady plans to “speed up” her metabolism by eating more so that she can alter her eating habits later. One has researched a diet plan that she thinks will help her lose one hundred pounds. I commend all of them for wanting to get into better shape, but can they really expect to lose weight from all of these different plans? For the record, I don’t think I have ever had a weight problem in my life. I am constantly “on the go” and I hardly “ever” get to weigh myself on a scale. That is because “mentally” I feel as though I just “never need to.” For me, the process to “staying slim” results from the “”belief” in being slim. The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can have you believing things that are not even in existence. I believe the reason I don’t lose weight is because “I work out mentally.” In other words, I don’t allow myself to think of myself or even see myself in “heavy” terms. If you carry yourself as a heavy person, then you will “think” like a heavy person. If you allow your mind to “trick” your body into thinking that you are losing weight, you will actually make progress towards that goal. There are a lot of plans and ideas out there for losing weight. I heard one that was really quite simple, and that was “Don’t eat.” I believe it is important to know your own body and your own state of mind. Some people don’t need to lose weight to be better, they only need to lose “inches from certain areas.” Some people only need to “tone up and solidify” certain areas to be right. It “all” still starts with the mind and how you “think” about yourself. In order to “mentally” lose weight it will be “important” to “never” look in the mirror for instant results. If you look in the mirror and don’t see the results you want then you can become “depressed” and at that point the mind will work against you and allow the body to “pack the weight back on again.” I wish my friends the very best, but I do know that in order to “gain” weight they needed the “mental mindset” of a person who engages in “overweight” activities. Well, in order to lose weight the same principles can apply, but just think in the “opposite” direction. ALL “great” accomplishments start with the “belief that you can do it.” “Free your mind, and your “body”will follow… Good luck to all of you out there who have the resolve to get in better shape and here comes the Phantom Poet”
When it comes to dieting, there will always be some type of debate
Because there are too many different theories for losing your weight
Many of these theories fail, because when dieting we often find
when losing weight for the body, we must first start with “the mind”
My friends plan to lose weight and each has a different plan
When it comes to taking off pounds, I just hope they all can
When you think about it, once these conditions you meet
You will start to lose weight really fast if you just “don’t eat”
As crazy as that sounds to some degree that will actually work
But you many end up dead and buried under six feet of dirt
Life doesn’t have to be so drastic, and there can be another way
But learning your mind and body really needs to come into play
So when it comes to getting fit, you need to make sure your mind is “set”
Because in the end, that will determine how much weight loss you “get”
So I wish you all the best of luck and hope that weight loss you will bring
And when it comes to feeling slim, keep your behind “out” of “Burger King”
“Those Whopper meals are awesome”… The Phantom Poet
Got a topic? Email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook and Skype (username: Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.
Chubby Checker (“The Twist”) and Brett Jolly
I just came out of a bad relationship. I am currently looking for someone new. My friends are telling me that I should get into those dating web sites to find the right man for me. I have heard horror stories. What do you think about dating sites, and should I even look into them?
Unfortunately horror stories can happen under a lot of different circumstances, not just on dating sites. While there are some really bad stories from online dating there are also plenty of success stories as well. One of the great things about online dating is that during the process of getting to know someone you are “protected” by your computer screen and your “block/delete” button. When someone appears to be getting “out of hand” you can just hit that button and be “done with him.” Also, one of the advantages of online dating is that you get to know and learn the “inner person” first before getting to see the “physical presence.” If you met someone off the street, the first thing you would encounter is the “physical” image, and sometimes that image can “taint” your perspective on what that person is like “on the inside.” With online dating it can be the exact opposite. One of the big problems with online dating is that a “lot” of people “misrepresent” themselves. Some will put false information in their profiles to make themselves look more attractive. Others will put up pictures of themselves from “20” years ago or just put up a picture that isn’t even really them. When checking out profiles, you will need to look for “little things” that give away the details of what this person is really like. If he claims to be a world famous writer and yet all of his words are “capitalized and misspelled” then chances are he is “lying.” If he claims to be an doctor, lawyer AND and astronaut then the chances of him being truthful are “slim.” The good thing is that you can just about “Google” anyone online to find out details about someone. If he is “legit” then there should be “something” about him that you can find out online. I believe that just about one out of five relationships are being discovered online, so it should be acceptable for you to step up to the “new age.” Good luck to you and please welcome that world famous online lyricist, the Phantom Poet:
I found this man on a dating site and his picture is just as fine as it could be
but why is there a little date in the left hand corner that happens to say 1973?
He told me that it is a recent pic of him and that there is really no oversight
But the condition of the picture is all wrinkly and it is also in “black and white”
In his profile he says he is a world class scholar and he is intellectually compelled
The only problem with this is that every other third word is badly misspelled
He said he can’t mention his job because he discretely works for the FBI
Well, I know someone at that organization and he never heard of the guy
He claims that he is single and has never been out with any ladies
But I Googled his name and found that he is “married with 3 babies”
He told me he only drinks socially and never once has he gotten plastered
My friend knows him and said he is in the bars every day, the lying bastard
That is why when you do your homework well, you never know what you might find
when you search for a person’s information and find it all online
Usually you can find out the information you want without fail
And that can come in handy, especially if you discover he is already in jail
So don’t be afraid to look for love online, because nowadays that is what people do
Because if he acts up and gets rude, no one can reach through your screen to get you
And if he gets totally ridiculous, then this is how you make this separation “complete”
Just go to that little button on your computer and press it… the one that says “delete”
“From the hard drive” of the Phantom Poet
Got a topic? Reach out to me by email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett @love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or on Skype (username: Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.
Singer GC Cameron and Brett Jolly rehearsing in PIR studios
Mr. Jolly, I was referred to you by a friend and I really like your column. I have a very simple question that I hope you can answer for me. When it comes to bad relationships, at what point should you consider it “over?”
You consider it “over” when there is “nothing more” left to discuss. You consider it over when you have exercised “all other options” to “no avail.” You consider it “over” when you can no longer “talk civilly” without screaming or shouting at each other. A bad relationship can have a lasting impact, because it basically means that “you failed” when it came to finding happiness with someone. The truth about relationships is that it is far better to “end a bad relationship” than it is to “live a lie.” People will sometimes “pretend” that “nothing is wrong” when they know in their hearts that there is “no way this relationship can possibly work.” ALL relationships start out with the “best of intentions” but we have to accept the fact that “people change.” The person you started out with is not guaranteed to be the person you end up with as you progress through your relationship. When the love is gone, the desire is not far behind… That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to work things out, but you should always remember the “dead horse” theory. When your horse loses his life, no matter how hard (or how many times) you beat the horse, the fact still remains that he is “dead.” If your relationship is a “dead horse” then at “some” point you need to start “accepting reality.” As hurtful as it may be to “end” it, it could be even “more” hurtful to continue it for “all the wrong reasons.” If that doesn’t help, then pull out a piece of paper and on one side jot down “all the positives” about your relationship and on the other side jot down “all the negatives.” Then compare the size of the two sides. If the negative side “looms like a giant” over the positive side then that should be a “red flag.” Never lie to yourself. If you already “know” the answer, then do what you “need to do.” Thank you for checking out my Daily thought, and I wish you the very best in life.
Got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.
Singer Lyfe Jennings, Bill Jolly and Brett Jolly in studio
Today I would like to discuss a certain aspect of the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman case, but “not” from the angle that you are “accustomed” to hearing. I am sure that most of you have heard enough of this issue from “many” different voices, but today’s Daily Thought is not about “rehashing” the trial, but rather about our “way of thinking” that influences our views on this and other similar trials. First let me quote President Barack Obama on his reaction:
“But I did want to just talk a little bit about context and how people have responded to it and how people are feeling. You know, when Trayvon Martin was first shot, I said that this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago. And when you think about why, in the African-American community at least, there’s a lot of pain around what happened here, I think it’s important to recognize that the African-American community is looking at this issue through a set of experiences and a history that — that doesn’t go away.
There are very few African-American men in this country who haven’t had the experience of being followed when they were shopping in a department store. That includes me.”
The reason why I added this quote today is because often we judge life issues from our “own” experiences. If you are a regular citizen who has never gone to war, then you can’t relate to someone who has fought in a combat zone where his friends around him were killed. If you are a man, you cannot relate to the pain and agony that women endure when being raped or sexually abused. When you are an affluent White male, it is difficult to relate to the experiences of a destitute African American male struggling to make a living (unless you experienced that at some point in your life). For the record, we ALL have prejudices. That which we don’t understand we will often “judge.” There are people out there who believe the Holocaust never existed. There are people who have “conspiracy theories” about 911. There are countries out there where if a woman gets raped she is incarcerated for “having extramarital sex.” We hear about trials where people have gone on shooting sprees killing others at random, but rarely do we focus on “the events in their lives that MADE them commit such atrocities.” We judge life by our own standards, because that is all that we “can” do. If some people are hearing “voices in their heads” then to “them” that “is” their “reality.” Dementia and delusion will often happen, and yet we still tend to judge them as though we “expect” them to be “capable of rational thinking.” The White people who are advocates of George Zimmerman cannot relate to the struggles of the Black community. The Black community can’t relate to the “fairness” of the trial and verdict because of their own past history. Until we find a way to “relate and understand” what others go through in life we will continue to have “disparity” in public opinion. The trial is over (in principle) but yet the debate still lingers… Wouldn’t it be great if we all were “required” to take “multi-cultural” classes to understand different “ways of thinking?” The Asians would learn life from the African American perspective and vice versa. Men would learn more about women and hopefully treat them with more “respect.” Different religions would be able to accept “different principles of worship” without casting judgment. There is a lot of diversity in this world, and the best way to understand it is to “experience” it for yourself. I have personally traveled to other countries and witnessed the differences in how people live, especially in accordance to my own country. When I was in Tunisia I found the people there had the most “beautiful” spirits. Even though I was told we were a “mountain away” from Algeria (where supposedly terrorists were being trained) the people there were “nothing” like they were portrayed on television in my country. Our behavior is “taught” and learned but that doesn’t mean that we can’t “experience” things for ourselves. The best way to understand each other is to “reach out” to each other. You may be surprised at the similarities you “actually share.” Today’s Daily Thought isn’t about the Zimmerman trial, but it is about the “trials and tribulations” of being able to “accept” someone who “looks and thinks” differently than “you” do. As always, I welcome any and ALL opposing points of view, and wish you all a great and prosperous day.