Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (“The difference between what is said and what is meant”)

I talked to a friend of mine the other day who said that it was “over” between him and his lady. In fact, he was so sure of it that he even started selling some of his belongings in contemplation of separation. He seemed distraught over it. I asked him if he had ever experienced anything like this with her before. He said that they had several fights before and had threatened to break up then as well. I then asked him what the difference was this time. He said that they had not talked in a while even though she did call him yesterday. I then asked him how the telephone conversation went, and he said that when she called they had yet “another” disagreement. i told him that if she was truly through with him then why would she even bother to call? Even though the conversation ended up in yet another disagreement, there had to be “some” reason for the other party to “reach out.” I let him know that conversations will say one thing, but “actions” will often convey another. When a lover is through with you, then there “really” is no need to argue again. When you’ve had it, you’ve had it… So “when” is the relationship “fully over?” The answer is “When there is truly nothing left to even talk about.” It makes no sense to argue “pointlessly.” If you already “know” the fight is going to go nowhere, then you are only prolonging the situation because in your mind and heart you truly “don’t” want it to end just yet. When you think and speak through emotion this is something that can “often” happen. When you love and miss someone, rarely do people “break all ties.” Also, no matter how much people think they can do it, you can”t just “turn off your heart.” You can deny it to everyone else, but you can’t deny it to yourself if you are “still in love.” Yes, I believe there is a big difference between what people say and what they mean. You can rely on the verbal message, but often communication is “more than just language.” If you love someone so much that you actually “hate him or her” then it might be beneficial to “let your emotions simmer down” before trying to push any issue, because if you try to force it you just might end up doing “more damage than good.” Sometimes it might make better sense to look “beyond” the surface when it comes to your relationship. If you can manage to at least see your partner’s “point of view” then you at least have the means to a possible reconciliation. It is also urgent to “correct all behavior that derailed your relationship in the first place, or else you will only be “repeating” your fate all over again. SOMETHING needs to be “different” this time. If both parties are willing to at least sacrifice this time, then you may just have a chance. My friend seemed to appreciate my words and he said that he “hopes” there is still a chance. I just told him that if he truly wants to get back with her, then he needs to show her “someone she has never seen before.” He stood quietly, grinned a little bit and said to me, “You know? You’re right.” I wish him well, and the same can be said for anyone else who is going through a strained relationship. You may think it is done, but the truth of the matter is that it is NEVER over… until it’s “over.” Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought today, and as always, I wish you the very best that life has to offer. Please make it a great one.

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Regina Belle and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: He uses drugs. Are we compatible?)

Hello Mr. Jolly. I recently met this man and we seemed to hit it off really well. We are talking by phone and he seems real pleasant. I don’t drink or smoke anything, but I just found out that he loves to drink socially and on occasion he likes to get high. Other than that we get along just great. Do you think I should leave him alone just based on his drug use?

That depends on your own values. I usually find that people who say they “love” to drink socially are the ones who “love” to get drunk. I can’t say that for sure here but as the 2 of you progress through your relationship you “will” find out for yourself at some point. Depending on how far you take this relationship, you will surely discover just how much his “getting high” will affect you as well. If you are totally drug free then this should be at least “one” activity that the both of you shouldn’t share together. I think it would be important to find out just how “much” of a “social” drinker he is. You could probably set up a date with him (but make sure to take 2 cars so that he won’t have to take you home should he get inebriated). In the beginning of relationships everything is “always” at it’s best. It is usually “down the road” when you discover all the “hidden demons” that people possess. Time will tell his story, but until it does you may want to proceed with caution. Getting high is not only “immoral” but it is also “illegal.”  If he is caught smoking something he shouldn’t be smoking and you are with him then you are “susceptible” to getting arrested as well. Are you willing to take that risk? Don’t be oblivious to “warning signs” in a new relationship and never go into one expecting to “change” someone. It is better to see someone for who and what he is than to try to make him into what you want him to be. Rarely are people “perfect matches” for each other, so only you can determine if the differences you both have are major enough to dissolve this relationship. Love with your heart, but “think” with your brain. It may make the biggest difference in your life, as well as his… Thank you for submitting your topic, and please welcome back that man of legend, the Phantom Poet:

This man and I are compatible in many ways, or at least this is what I think
The only difference is his drug usage and the way he will “socially” drink
He told me that for him it is not bad, and down the road I will certainly see
He said that he has a “buzz” right now and he loves all “three” of me
He said that he can control his drinking and to just give him a chance
He said we can go out but first he must change because he wet his pants
We haven’t even gone out yet and he appears blasted right off the bat
He said “I’m only a little buzzed” but I think I’ll drink to that
He wants to take me out to a fun place and he will drive me in his car
But the fun place that works for him is down the street to the local bar
He ran through no less than 3 red lights and he can’t hold the car steady
And when we got to the pub they made sure to have his tab all ready
They knew him by his first name and he seemed to be unnerved
The part that took me out was that his seat was already “reserved”
He words slurred all evening everything he said led to doubt
At the end of the evening, he kissed me, then subsequently passed out
This is only August and I can’t imagine how bad it will be in September
Tomorrow I will lie and tell him we had sex, and see if he will even remember
I think I may have made a mistake in choosing him, and this much I have to say
When it comes to drinking. I think he like to get “social” each and every day
I told him that I expect better from my man, and my life has better things in store
And since he was drunk, he got to see “3” of my cute behinds walk out the door
When a relationship is going good, you should want to take it “full throttle”
But whenever you deal with a drunk, NEVER get between a “man and his bottle”

“Standing ovation, please” …for the Phantom Poet

 

got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com (or send me a friend request on Skype at username Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.

 

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Singer Regina Belle and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Attention”)

Everyone should fully understand the need for attention. Most people need it in their lives. If someone close to you desires it, then by all means it would help to be “attentive.” However, sometimes when it comes to attention, it is “how” we go after it that often makes the biggest difference. People may sometimes go to extraordinary means in order to “get” the “slightest” bit of attention, and sometimes that can have an adverse effect on a relationship. It is important to note that “getting” attention is NOT the same as “getting BAD attention.” When you get bad attention, it usually has a negative outcome, and the results are often “not” the results you seek. Being confrontational, emotional or accusatory will usually get you “bad” attention. “Forcing the issue” will probably get you the same result. When someone feels that he or she is not getting enough attention, then he or she may result to seeking it from “others.” This could be in the form of companionship or advice. The problem with companionship is that once you start a relationship with someone else, then that “new” relationship could have a major impact on your “already established” relationship (by the way, this relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be an “intimate” one… It could just be friendship). When you go to a third party for advice or comment, then in essence you may be allowing that person to have an involvement in your relationship that realistically “shouldn’t” be there. “Everyone” has an opinion (including “me”) but when you get to the point where you are hearing “negative things” from someone who “really doesn’t know your situation” and then giving that person “credibility” then it may not be beneficial. Some people “love” to get into your personal business, and they love the control that comes with it.  As long as they know that you are “listening” to them they will tell you all sorts of things that “may or may NOT” apply to your situation. They can only get inside of your head if you “allow” them to. A relationship between two consenting adults shouldn’t need the input of a “third” party who is NOT close enough to you to “know.” The “more” people you involve in your relationship the better the chance that someone is going to try to push you in a “negative” direction. The best way to get attention is the “old fashioned way.” Be direct, be truthful and just “TALK” to your lover. Make sure that you wait for the “PROPER” time to do so. If your lover has a lot on his or her plate, or is physically exhausted, hungry or mentally “worn out” then chances are this would “NOT” be the best time to start this type of  conversation. For the record, there is “nothing” wrong with wanting attention. None of us are perfect, and sometimes responsibilities can have a strong bearing on your life. It is important when seeking attention that you view things from the perspective of your lover as well and NOT just from your “own” perspective. ALL things can be worked out if you only “give it a chance.”  Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought today, and I hope your day is “awesome.” Here is an “attentive” piece from the Phantom Poet:

I need to be noticed, and to this cause I must speak
Yes, it IS your attention that I currently “seek”
I refuse to be ignored, so this I feel the need to mention
I don’t care how busy you are, but I want your attention
Is now the best time? I guess I would say “probably NOT”
But there won’t be any problem as long as your attention I “got”
As far as I am concerned you can be as busy as you can be
But right now nothing else matters, so pay attention to me
As long as you focus solely on me, then that is my desire
Are you trying to tell me that my house is on fire?
I don’t know what you are saying, but my thoughts will not be diminished
So whatever you got to say can surely wait until I am “finished”
I will NOT be interrupted, so my anger you should not provoke
I really need to finish my sentence, but somehow I’m smelling “smoke”
“Why didn’t you say something? We’re in a house that is not burning”
If we ever make it out alive, then I guess there is a lesson I’ll be learning
I don’t need attention THAT badly anymore, and now I am willing to listen
If I hadn’t been so stubborn, then my house would not now be missin’
The moral of this story is that my need for attention shouldn’t be so blatant
Because I could have saved my house if I had only been more ‘patient”

“Applause, please, for the Phantom Poet”

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Send me a friend request on Facebook at Brett Jolly. You can also send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.

 

Singer Regina Belle and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Money)

I hope you can help me. I have an issue with money. I am trying to take care of bills but sometimes it seems overwhelming. I want to move but I can’t seem to drum up enough money for a down deposit. Don’t get me wrong. I am making money but it is so tough to manage it. When getting certain things I seem to run out of money for necessities sometimes and I admit that I don’t know how to handle this. Can you help me?

There is one formula that should “always” be exercised when “budgeting money.” Once you get paid, ALWAYS pay your “necessities” FIRST! Shelter and food are the number one things you need to have and if you follow this script you should do better. Bills “always” carry a time element. In other words, most bills are due at a “certain” time. If you get paid every 2 weeks, then you need to know what bills are “due” during that 2 week time period. As “SOON” as you get your money you should pay those bills for that time. This way if you have to manage the rest of your income you can rest assured knowing that at least the “necessities” have “already” been paid for. Once you get in the habit of doing this, then you might be able to “budget” putting away some “emergency” money. In other words, take a “little” sum of money and just put it away for a rainy day. It would be great if you could put this money into a separate account (One that will be a little more difficult for you to get to). If you can manage to put it in a savings account you “might” even be able to collect a little interest off of it in the process. Emergency money will ALWAYS come in handy somewhere down the road. Also, keep in mind that when you “pay off” a certain bill it is the equivalent to “getting a raise.” For instance, if you have to pay $50 a month on a bill, then once that bill is paid, you will actually “have” $50 more each month that you can keep to yourself after the bill is paid. That is $50 that you can then put towards the very “next” bill to totally pay off earlier. When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. A LOT of people go out and buy frivolous stuff “first” when they get paid, and then struggle later on to manage money for their “necessities.” I am telling you to just “reverse” that order and you will find life to be a lot “easier.” Also it is “extremely  important” that you “understand” the bills you have. You need to know how much interest is being charged to you and you need to know when your “annual fees” kick in. If you only pay the “minimum due” for each account it could be many “years” before it gets down to a zero balance. You should take at least one account and pay “more” than the minimum balance so that you can satisfy this balance sooner. The sooner this account gets paid off the sooner you can put some of that money you saved into one of your “other” accounts. Budgeting is not really as difficult as it seems, but in order to budget properly you need to first “understand” your circumstances. When you know how your bills work it will enable you to deal with them better (and it might even make your credit rating better in the process). Make sure that YOU handle your money (and don’t let your money handle you). Good luck to you and let’s go into our weekend with the Phantom Poet.

I need to pay my bills but I have difficulty working with an income of a certain amount
That is why I am struggling so bad to pay the money on each and every account
I need to do better and to me this is an entirely new dimension
I am so poor right now that I can’t even afford to pay attention
Whenever I go over my accounts it always seems to provoke me
When I check my bank account they even charge me a “broke fee”
The bank tellers always giggle when I’m in line ready to dispute
but ain’t nothing funny to me about being broke and destitute
My finances are terrible. In fact, they are the worst
Maybe I can handle things different by paying my necessities “first”
That way I can keep some money and hopefully I won’t be “bereft”
I can then try to manage my budget with the money I have left
I need to stop living extravagantly dining on lobster and shrimp
And if that doesn’t work, then I guess I will just become a pimp
Hey, don’t laugh. It can make for good money and those are the facts
And it is also income that the government won’t ever get to tax
So hopefully this career change will be bring me lots of wealth
I don’t have access to any pretty woman, so I guess I’ll have to pimp “myself”
This is not that much fun at all, but for the sake of money I am copin’
I just feel bad about having to keep my “back door” options “open”
I guess the moral of this story is that we all need some budget insight
Just get to understand your bills, and learn to pay them “right”

“A penny saved won’t do much”… The Phantom Poet

 

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If you have a topic that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, please feel free to contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (Or you can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.

 

Singer Regina Belle and Brett Jolly

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