Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Should marriages have an expiration date?)

Hey, Mr. Jolly. I heard a discussion where these people said that there should be an expiration date on marriages because after a few years couples get sick and tired of each other anyway and then end up divorcing. The argument went like this: There was a declaration that if marriages could end in 7 year intervals, then there wouldn’t be so many divorces. Couples could then either renew their marriage for another 7 years or just call it quits. It would save a lot of court time and not make couples feel obligated to stay together when they no longer want to. I think it would be great, but I would love to know what you think.

Marriages with a 7 year expiration date? I can envision big problems with that automatically. Marriage is the concept of living together as one, becoming a part of each other and existing as one unit. To separate due to a legality would not be fair to the person who invested so much into the marriage. What would you do about joint bank accounts? What would you do if only “ONE” member wanted to end the marriage and not the other? How would you handle dividing family assets? What would happen if one member is no longer working and can’t afford to live alone? While it may be true that a lot of marriages don’t seem to last 7 years anyway it should “never” be so simple as to just “quit and leave.” If anything, there might be MORE court cases based on “what people feel they are entitled to.” Putting a warranty on marriages would not simplify anything, and might even cause more turmoil. Getting married is a covenant under God to live as one “for life.” I have never heard of marriage being listed in the Bible with a 7 year warranty. In fact, if you put a 7 year contract expiration you might actually make matters worst, because then some couples might actually start “anticipating” the expiration date,  thus making their marriages fall apart in the process. No, if a couple is going to get married, the “last” thing they need to contemplate is an “expiration date.” If they can take their vows for life then they “should” at least “attempt” to see it through for that length of time. Of course, as you go through life together people change, but the concept of marriage should involve overcoming obstacles together to “make” it work. It sounds as though you were privy to a very interesting conversation, but I just don’t think that kind of change would benefit anyone. Thank you for submitting your topic and I wish the very best to you today. Have a great one.

 

WWW.Brettjolly.com

Actor songwriter singer Clifton Davis (“Amen” tv show and “That’s my Momma”) and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (topic: Married by sleeping in different rooms)

I visited some married friends of mine during the Super Bowl. After the game was over I ended up spending the night only to find out that the couple sleeps in separate rooms. I had the husbands room which meant the two of them had to sleep together that night in the wife’s bedroom. They assured me of their love for one another and the reason they made their choice. One had a problem with snoring and grinding his teeth while the other had gas and talk in their sleep so their nights together is to take care business only. Do you think this type of behavior makes for a happy marriage?

As crazy as this sounds, I think their situation is the most “ideal” marriage you could possibly have. Sometimes people tend to “force” issues and live in accordance to the standards of marriage established by others. Normally when you think about a “conventional” marriage, most people think that the husband and wife should “always” sleep in the same bed together. With this marriage, honesty is truly prevalent, because even though they love each other they realize their strengths and faults. “Snoring is a MAJOR problem, because if your loved one keeps you up and night while snoring then that could have a serious impact on your health. On the other hand, if the other partner talks while sleeping or has some serious gas issues then that “also” could have an enormous impact. Your marriage does NOT have to be normal in order for you to be happy and I commend this couple for taking the steps to make it work. As long as they are living together in the same house and loving each other then that should be ALL that matters. Love does not always mean that your lives have to be the “perfect fit” for each other. Love means conquering the differences between you in a way where you both can coexist together as one. I wish more married couples could work out their differences in a way that involves compromise. If this couple had decided to “force” the issue and tried sleeping together they both might be so irritable now that divorce might be pending. The fact that they “realized” that they would be better off sleeping in separate rooms makes this marriage so much stronger (in my view). True love comes when you “recognize” that your lover is “not” perfect. I congratulate this couple (and any other couple) for being willing to think “outside the box” in order to make a marriage work. I believe it is much more important to see your lover for who he “is” rather than make him into what you “want him to be.” I thank you for sharing this story and here is a revelation from the Phantom Poet (who also is stationed in another room):

This husband and wife are truly happy with their marriage at least as far as love relates
Never mind the fact that they sleep in separate rooms… They even sleep in separate “states”
They purposely staged it this way and it has made their love stronger even more
That’s because one member has a problem with gas while the other one will snore
When she passes gas, it smells like molded rotten Play Dough
And when he snores he practically sounds like a “human tornado”
They already KNOW what trying to force sleeping together is all about
This couple is “so” bad that even their NEIGHBORS are moving out
The neighborhood is incensed and they are as restless as they can be
Because the circumstances in that house are paramount to World War 3
This couple is “really” bad and while some may view them with laughter
The neighbors have all gotten together to declare their house a “natural disaster”
Because the answer to a happy marriage depends on how your differences are measured
And for the sake of you and your neighborhood, you both should move to the Sahara desert
In reality love conquers all and while we want to love each other from the heart
That love can be seriously “challenged” when encountering a “snore or a fart”
So rather than try to force an issue and deal with stress, anger, frustration and sorrow
Just spend the day with your mate, say “I love you” and then say “See you tomorrow”…

“Love is never having to say I’m staying”… From the estranged archives of the Phantom Poet

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You can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1

 

Billy Paul (He sang “Me and Mrs. Jones” and “My song”) with Brett Jolly in concert in Tunisia

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Happily married but yearning for the past)

Almost 10 years ago during a very “messed” up time in my life, I met a man who lives approximately 907 miles away.  Besides the distance in miles, there were other obstacles and issues – families, jobs, commitment (mainly on his part).  We had an incredible connection and I did everything I could to try and make it work. I visited frequently but the trips were not always what I had hoped they would be.  Although he said how much he cared – the effort on his part to be together was minimal at best.  The relationship ended but we kept in contact and have remained friends.  Shortly after the relationship ended, I met an incredible man and have now been married to him for 6 years.   Everything is great in my marriage – the typical ups and downs but overall its more than I could have ever hoped for.

My problem is that I cannot let go of my long distance friend.  All of the problems that were there 9 years ago would still be there and I’m STILL not sure how much he really cares.  I saw him recently for the first time in 4 years and the time we were able to spend together was minimal and limited due to his “schedule”.  It brought back a lot of unhappy memories but also seeing him reminded me of how much I still care for him.  My connection with him is crazy – emotionally and physically!  I’m an intelligent woman, successful business owner, happily married to a great guy but an emotional mess!  And by the way – from what he says, nothing seems to have changed much in his life as far as a relationship.  

Please give me your honest and insightful opinion!

Believe it or not, a “lot” of people develop a strong love for individuals who may not be the best “suited”for  relationships. Even when we are young, a lot of the pretty girls would often gravitate to the “bad boys” instead of opting for the good ones who were smart in class. There is nothing wrong with coming to grips with the fact that you have an attraction for someone else. We are all human and have human needs. However, since you are now married (or as you say, “happily married”) then it is highly probable that you made the “best move” to be in the situation you are in now. Let’s take a look at this… From what you are saying, you have doubts about this long distance lover even though your connection to him is still strong. This is important, because in relationships it would help to be “sure.” The one thing about the “past” is that no matter how much you look over your shoulder at it the view “never” changes. 10 years ago during the “messed up” time of your life you fell in love with this man. During that time the two of you were not “suited” for each other and that is why you went your separate ways. Now your life has gone into a different direction. When people love each other it is “not” something that you can just “shut off.” The attraction will most likely always be there even if your circumstances change. You cannot help how you feel, but you can help how you “handle” what you feel. A lot can happen to “change” people in 10 years, and while it is quite possible that the “both” of you may have matured for the better, it doesn’t excuse the fact that you are already “happily” married to someone else. If your husband has been good to you (and you have been good to him) then you “already know” the answer. If you still “love” your husband then it would make sense to stay with him.  He doesn’t deserve to be hurt any more than “you” do. Just imagine jumping from one cliff to another with a 10 thousand foot drop waiting below. The “‘first” thing you want to do is “make sure” that the cliff is actually “there” before you jump and then you want to make sure it is at least “solid.” Before you even consider this you need to have a “valid” reason for even “wanting” to take this leap. If everything is “fine” with the cliff you are on now then why take the chance? Soul mates are people who are destined to be a part of each others lives. It doesn’t mean that they are perfectly suited for each other. It doesn’t mean that they are the “perfect fit.” It just means that they are “meant” to be together. Chances are this old lover will remain a part of your life in some capacity. Only you can make the determination as to whether you want to “risk” all you have for something you feel “uncertain” of. If you are a gambler then there would be a “lot” at stake here. You need to consider that before taking your “leap of faith.” Here is the Phantom Poet with his starter’s pistol:

I have a yearning for an old long distance lover and this much I must confess
When it comes to him I guess I am considered an emotional mess
We were together about 10 years ago during a messed up time in my life
And since that time I have moved on and become a good wife
However, for some reason I just can’t seem to get this man out of my mind
I have even contemplated going back to him and leaving my current husband behind
I am not sure of how to handle this and that is why I feel the need to confide
But I also need to realize that the grass is not always “greener on the other side”
I am intelligent, successful, and I am by no means “broke”
And no, none of that grass on the other side did I attempt to “smoke”
I am, however, high off of “love” for a long distance romance
But as much as I yearn for it, should I even take that chance?
A lot could happen in 19 years and conditions might even be for the better
Or else he could be old and incontinent as well as a bed wetter
He could be a drug dealer now or even a womanizer
Or he might have a drab career as a door to door salesmen for hand sanitizer
He might be a no good lazy bum who does nothing but lay around on the couch
Wait a minute. All these descriptions fit my “current” husband… “Ouch!”
Well, I guess I had better figure out which one of these men I plan to choose
Since they both seem about the same, then what do I really have to lose?

“From out of the frying pan onto the floor”… The Phantom Poet

 

WWW.Love-notes.co

Brett Jolly during an impromptu jam session in FranceImage

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Waiting for marriage and kids)

Subject: Waiting for marriage and kids
 
I am 19 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for 3 years and are completely happy together. The only problem is he doesn’t ever want to get married or have kids–ever. I have never pushed the issue, and I don’t plan on marriage or kids for a while. But I do in the future. Am I wasting my time going with someone who doesn’t want the same things as I do in the end?
 
For some reason it feels like there is something a “tad bit” wrong with this equation. Please allow me to sharpen my math skills for a brief second here. If you have been together for 3 years, then that means he was 25 when you first got together and you were 16. That should have been a “no-no” (Can you spell  “jail bait?” Please let’s not forget “Statutory”… “Give me an ”S”…Give me a “T”…). Putting this aside, you might be wasting your time even contemplating marriage with this guy at the young age you currently are mainly because you still have a lot of life ahead of you (and possibly a lot of life partners)…plus he still has plenty of time left to screw up your relationship anyway.  It is quite possible that in five more years you may not even want him anymore. Since he obviously likes teenage girls you may be deemed “over the hill” to him once you reach 21. Communication is important in any relationship (even if it is with a child molester). Keep in mind that he doesn’t want kids because he already HAS one… “YOU”.  The fact that he is against marriage at this stage of his life could be a red flag for you, but that is so far down the road that it might be a moot point anyway. If he persists in his desire to have no kids then you have more than enough time to make a change down the road (and you may want to weigh your options heavily at that point). There will be some significant changes happening for both of you as you progress through your relationship together. You may want to get through some of those changes first before contemplating anything with this man. You have the right to want kids and marriage, but you should wait until the time is right to make this an issue. Most important, don’t rush your young life away. You are still growing (and hopefully maturing) and this issue is way too premature for you to even worry about at this stage of your life. Even the Phantom Poet has something to say on this one:
 
 
I am contemplating marriage and kids, but not much else
But my man says “No”, probably because I’m still a kid myself
I am only nineteen, but old enough to know better
So why does he still refer to me as a bed wetter?
When I was still in high school, this man took me in
And now the police want to take him back out again
They said that he belonged in a certain category
He’s a child molester and they got him for “statutory”
“Please don’t lock him up, he is the man I want to marry.
And he is also the man whose baby I want to carry”
He took me at a very young age when we first had sex
But now that he is going to jail, all I can say is… “Next!”
I guess plans for marriage and a baby is over…or is it?
Maybe I can get pregnant after they grant me a conjugal visit
I will still wait for you after one decade and an extra year
In the meantime, I think I’ll move in with your best friend over here
They got you for statutory rape, and I don’t think it can even be contested
Please make sure that while you are in prison YOU don’t get molested
Your best friend and I will live our lives together for you, because we really care
You need to concentrate on making sure you are still “tight” back there
They may put you in a cell with some huge 6’5 man who likes you
Let’s just hope for your sake that his crime wasn’t “statutory”, too
If it was, then he’s “yours”, and you’re “his”… “Oh, well”.
You may no longer like women when you get out of that cell
Your best friend and I will live happily ever after, and all will be fine
Especially since he confessed to me that he’s had a crush, ever since I was nine
 
Yet ANOTHER masterful piece from the Phantom Poet

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If you have a topic that you would like to feature for the Daily Thought, please email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

The Soul Survivors and Brett Jolly performing “Expressway to your heart”

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Brett Jolly’s Daily thought (Topic: Courtship)

I have a friend that believes that you should only date with the intention to marry (courtship). I don’t think you should start thinking about marriage without at least getting to know the person first. We both would like to know what your thoughts are on this. Thank you.

 

I have discovered that there are people out there who are enamored with just the “concept” of “getting married.” In other words, they are so focused on reaching the status of  “married” that it seems like loving your partner is almost an “afterthought.” In fact, some of these people have even said that they could “learn to love their mate” after the wedding.  These people will go so far as to say: “I’m getting married,” rather than say “I’m going to marry the one I love.” The biggest problem with courtship is that a couple will often put way too much pressure on themselves just to “reach” that goal of “marriage.” When you start at point “A” and you want to jump to point “Z” then there is a tendency to overlook all the points in between (like, B,C,D, etc.). When you start out LOOKING for someone to be your wife or husband then it is possible to ignore early “warning signs” or “red flags.” There is also that “other” factor that most people encounter. If you boast to your friends that you have found the right person to be your wedded mate and then things suddenly go wrong you don’t want to have to recant what you previously said. Usually at that point is when you do your best to make it to the wedding day “no matter what.” Usually the regrets start to show “after” the marriage. I believe that when you marry someone it should be the “icing” on the cake. The cake is the love and companionship you have with your partner. The “icing” is the top ingredient that solidifies the taste of what you have. If you only focus on the icing then your cake will lack substance (and by definition it won’t be a “cake”). I believe there are cultures out there where “courtship” still applies (and there are also instances where you can just pay for your bride). I believe that in order to be happy you need to KNOW the person you want to spend eternity with. The best way to do that is to go “one step at a time.” In marriage, the destination is important, but you should be able to enjoy the journey to that destination as well. I hope I have answered you today and here is the Phantom Poet to round out our day:

 

Hello pretty baby. You look good so I’d love to date

If we can get together early enough we might get married by eight

I want to marry you, so now you are the woman that I will court

We will get married no matter what, and these wedding plans we won’t abort

Just from looking at you visually you are absolutely the woman of my prayers

When it comes to knowing more information about you who really cares?

I just know that I need to have a wife and you look like you should fit the bill

When it comes to finding anyone who looks better than you nobody else will

I just find that when I go to bed at night you are what I need when I sleep

You are fine looking woman but why is your voice so deep?

You are holding a beverage and every time I see you chug down some of that Snapple

Why does it seem as though your neck appears to have an Adam’s apple?

You say your name is Danielle but your friends always call you Dan?

“Oh, that’s because I am a great woman who once used to be a man”

“Hold up! I ain’t marrying no dude so don’t even think of taking me there”

“Baby, I no longer have a penis, even though I know it’s around here somewhere”

Since you said you will court me I am going to take you for your word, love

For to break a promise of courtship is surely something unheard of

You already promised to court and marry me, so that is now your intention

So now my sex change operation I don’t even HAVE to mention

I don’t work and I have expensive tastes, so taking care of me won’t be cheap

And you can pay for my hormone injections so that my voice won’t be so deep

So when you friends see you dating a transgender, don’t pay any attention to the laughter

Just enjoy our life as husband and wife, and be prepared to live happily ever after

 

“Honey, why is this toilet seat always being left up?” The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, just go to my web site WWW.Love-notes.co or email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

 

Radio personality Tom Joyner, Full Force and Brett JollyImage


Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: The value of marriage)

Mr. Jolly, I have a loaded question for you. With the high rate of infidelity and divorce, is the institution of marriage really worth anything anymore?

The answer to that will “always” depend on the mindsets of those people considering it (and yes, that was a loaded question). Technically, marriage is a contract and covenant under God to live together as one unit. You don’t necessarily need to get married to do these things, but it does give credibility and value to the union that the both of you have established. The rate of infidelity and divorce is indeed high but it isn’t the institution of marriage that is failing the couple, but rather the couple that is failing the “institution of marriage.” There are “experts” out there “predicting” that the whole concept of marriage will one day become “extinct.” That is alarming. Men and women need each other if we are to survive as a human race, and marriage strengthens the bond between each.  I think the biggest problem with marriages right now is that people are “not as prepared” for it as they should be. They neglect to consider what the future may entail for them. They ignore “warning signs.” They tend to think that as they grow “nothing” will change for their partner. Well, if you live long enough, “everything” will change. What you “started out with” will NOT necessarily be what you “end up” with. For instance, if you like your mate’s “tight little behind” then it would be reckless to think it will stay that way all throughout life. As we grow, we change, and often couples fail to take that into account. This does NOT mean that the institution of marriage is “worthless” because as I originally said, it depends on the “state of mind” of those contemplating it. “Love” should be the basis for marriage, but you need to consider the other factors as well. “Compatibility, finances, work ethics, personalities and family” are other factors worth considering when planning a life of “matrimony.” I do believe that most couples who get married “start off” with the best of intentions but just like everything else, the “novelty” of it can wear off, and that is often when marriages begin to “falter.” It is important to “rejuvenate” your passion for each other by doing different things on occasion. You can go for walks together, plan trips or attend a Brett Jolly concert together. The success ratio of all marriages depends on what you “put into it.” Pre-marriage counseling is not a bad idea at all. Above all, proper planning is imperative before “tying the knot, jumping the broom, jumping the gun…. whatever.” Love is always at its best when your eyes are “shut.” If you think about that one for a minute you will understand what I am  referring to. Let’s hope that marriage remains “sacred” and strong. If we can accomplish that, then it will “always” have value and meaning…. Thanks for your topic and I will let the Phantom Poet lead us all into the weekend with his infinite “words of wisdom.”

People wonder if couples should get married any more
I wonder what would make them think that for?
People say it is worthless and describe it as “bunk”
And the best way to appreciate it is to do so “drunk”
Well, I love my wife (hic!) and this is no joke or riddle
After drinking a Jack Daniels I like the one in the “middle”
Yes, there are 3 wives there, and I am not that drunk, you see
Thanks to the Jack Daniels there will always be more wives here for me
My wife knows I am a faithful husband, and that I am no slouch
She always knows where to (hic!) find me… passed out on the couch
I love her through “bloodshot” eyes, and whenever loves beckons
She KNOWS to get hers “quickly” because I ain’t gonna last more than 6 seconds
Yes, I love  my wife dearly, and for those people who have any doubt
I will continue to love her (as long as the Jack Daniels doesn’t run out)
Even though it is a little “blurry” I absolutely love (hic!) my wife’s face
Actually I think I was drunk when we got married in the first place
Since that day I think I’ve been drunk for each day we were together
And as long as I’m drunk, she will always be the (hic!) most beautiful woman… ever…

You know what? I think the pastor who married us might have been drunk too (hic!)… The Phantom poet

 

Wayne Brady and Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: What makes one “marriageable?”

Mr. Jolly

Subject: Marriage

Well, it’s that time of the year, again, when weddings abound. What makes one “marriageable?”

This is April. For some reason I thought most people wanted “June” weddings. However, to be “marriageable” encompasses different meanings for those considering the option. If you expect your mate to be perfect then you absolutely should NOT get married. If you expect that your mate will never get on your last nerve then you should never get married. If you think that all the things that are perfect now in a marriage will remain that way throughout the rest of life then you should not get married. However, if you can accept your mate for all his or her faults then you are marriageable. If you can work together as a unit to make your life circumstances better then you are marriageable. If you can be “friends” outside of being lovers then you are marriageable. When marrying someone it is important to see beyond the “present day.” You need to be able to picture what your future together may look like as well. A good measuring stick for what your lover may be like in later years would be to examine his or her parents. Many times siblings grow up to be either “close to” or “just like” the parents who raised them. Of course, if you are going to compare them to the parents, don’t go by just the “physical” attributes. It may be important to examine the “spiritual and mental” aspects of their lives as well. Now, if you are going to judge a person by his or her parents make “sure” to take note of your “own.” Even if you “think” you’re perfect now, you ain’t going to stay that way “forever” and the condition of your parents “proves” that. For one of the groups I play for there is this couple that is up there in years but “so” much fun to see at the gigs. The husband is a real joker who always seems to have a laugh. He will always have his wife with him and he makes fun of her all the time (but in a loving way). When they slow dance together he always puts his hand on her behind. They laugh all the time and when watching them you can tell that they are the perfect couple. If everyone could see this couple then they would know what a “real” marriage is about. As old as they are, he will say something like: “Baby, you have a really nice butt. Will you come home with me?” She will then say something like: “Well, if I do, what’s in it for me?” Then he will say, “If you do, I’ll let you get on top this evening.” To me, this is “fun” dialogue between a couple. I am not trying to say that all couples should be like this, but if your partner can make you constantly smile like that then I would consider that person to be “marriageable.” Each situation is different, but would hope that when you consider marrying someone you would want someone who will “always” be your friend (because if the both of you live long enough, that may be the only thing you have left). Get to know your lover well enough, and you may find out for yourself whether he or she is “marriage” material. Thank you for submitting this topic and here is the Phantom Poet to round out our day:

What makes one “marriageable?” I would really like to know
Is it based on looks alone and is that as far as you’ll go?
Should it be based on money? Should we even go there?
Or should we marry someone because of the cute derriere?
Are “tall, dark and handsome” the features that you must have in a man?
Or are you one of those women who want to get married just because you “can?”
Are “big busts” and a “tight behind” all a man needs to wed?
Or are those just qualities that he would like to have in  bed?
Whatever your qualities are for marriage, your decisions should never be forced
Because just as easily as it is for you to get married, it’s easy get divorced
So when contemplating marriage you need to be smart and clever
And marry the one that you want to be with… “forever”
Because in order to have a successful marriage then this much is true
You need to know your lover VERY well “before” you say “I do”
So if you want to know if your mate is “marriageable” then to alleviate all doubt
Don’t just marry the one you can live with, but rather the one you can’t live without

“In sickness and in Hell”… The Phantom Poet

The Soul Survivors (big hit was “Expressway to your heart”) and Brett Jolly in concert

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