Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Life transitions… parent to child”)

Someone asked me how I managed to keep my peaceful demeanor (and no, I am not going off on any “ego trip” here). I have this concept where I don’t intend on getting “frantic” over things I “can’t control.” As crazy as it sounds, if I were in a burning house, I would prefer to think “rationally” first before panicking. I have been in scary situations like riding in an air plane that had to “suddenly” swerve back up in to the sky because it wasn’t going to land right in the middle of a huge electrical storm. I have also experienced being in a train derailment (Many years ago in North Carolina between Raleigh and Vance). I also once encountered a rabid dog that was foaming at the mouth trying to attack me and I have also been “shot at.” When I was very young I ran out into the street and was nearly hit by a car. As dramatic as these experiences were, they have no bearing at all on why I view life the way I do. The one responsible for that is “my father.” You see, when I was younger, I was “very inquisitive” about a lot of things, and I loved to challenge people on just about “everything.” Each and every time I had a question or topic for my father, he “always” gave me an answer that made perfect sense. Sometimes it would get me angry, because I was just “waiting” for the opportunity to challenge him on anything he might say that I “knew” was wrong, but that moment “never” came…  Whenever I questioned him about something he said, he never once told me to “just shut up and obey me.” He let me speak my piece and he ALWAYS had an appropriate response. Now, my father is 81 years old and not the knowledgeable man he used to be (but he is still sharp in a lot of ways). I thank him for instilling in me the ability to “rationalize and reason”in accordance with what I feel or know to be right. The other day I had a talk with my daughter about some new boy in her life. I know a lot of fathers who would just “say NO” for the sake of saying “no,” but I was determined NOT to be that kind of father. You see, I told my daughter that the most important thing is for her to know that she has a father that she can “always” come to “whenever” she needs to. I didn’t tell her that I hate the boy or that he needs to stay away from her. I had to come off as more of an “adviser” than an actual parent, and the reason for this is because I “remembered how my father handled me.” Some parents will continue to “behave” like parents for the lifespan of their children. What they don’t realize is that some children have to be allowed the opportunity to make their own mistakes growing up just like “we” did. No matter how much you love your kids, you should never try to live your live over “through them.” My father was instrumental in handling me, and I only hope I can be as “masterful” as he was with me and my brother when it comes to my own kids. My parents “never once” had to come down to the jailhouse to get us out of prison. We never did drugs. My parents kept me off the streets at night even though they knew we wanted to hang with the other kids late at night. It took me a long while, but after finding out what happened to a lot of those kids later on I came to realize that my parents were “right.” Control is not always a “guarantee.” Years ago I knew a church going woman who had 2 beautiful young girls. The girls were brought up in the church, and she protected and sheltered them through just about “everything.” Well, the day came when she finally had to let her girls go for their own into college. They went away out of the state, but they were “not” prepared for the outside world because they were “used” to their mother watching over them. BOTH of the kids got pregnant during their first year of college and had to drop out. What this told me at that time was that it is better for a parent to “guide” children than it is for a parent to “control” children. In other words, instead of issuing orders, it can be more beneficial to issue “guidance.” We ALL are human, and we all are prone to make mistakes, but if you can offer direction to a child then you can help that child “make better decisions” on his or her own (because I am not guaranteed to “always” be here). Life is fragile, unpredictable, and sometimes “scary.” Through the teachings of my father, I have come to realize that a “calm” demeanor will give you a much better edge than and panicked one. I also learned that it is best to give consideration to “all” possibilities and not just “go in the same direction as everyone else.” As long as I “feel good” about the person I am trying to be then I can feel good when I wake up in the morning. For me, that is the “ultimate justification.” Hope your day is special today. Have a great one.

 

Got a topic? You can contact me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1)). Thank you and have a great day.

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Legendary singer Jerry Butler and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Bad kids)

Hello Mr. Jolly. I have an issue with a couple on my street. They have 6 kids and those kids have absolutely no control. They run into people’s back yards, steal things, vandalize cars and anything else they can get their hands on. All the parents keep saying is “these kids are bad” but they do nothing to keep them in place. Every time a window is broken or something bad happens on the block all the neighbors automatically know that it is their kids fault. They are awful. What can we do to save ourselves from these rotten kids?

Children should be a blessing, but only to those who are able to provide the proper care for them. Kids don’t come into the world knowing proper behavior. They have to be taught it. If the parents (or caretakers) cannot provide the proper guidance then you can easily have a situation like the one your block is having. It is obvious that the parents are not properly prepared to handle raising children. The first clue is what they said to you. They told that their “kids are bad.” Well, if you keep SAYING that the kids are bad, then the kids will start to “live up” to the label you give them. Children usually become a product of their environment. If they grow up amid violence, then that is usually what they learn. If they grow up around drugs, then that becomes their world. If they are surrounded by deviant behavior then that is how they’ll think. However, if a child grows up to “encouragement” then that child will believe. If a child grows up with materials and utensils, then that child will learn how to make use of those utensils. If a child has a parent who guides the child, then that child has “direction.” When I was a little boy, my mother and father went through “TONS” of baseball equipment, pool tables, art paper, ping pong tables, musical instruments and basketballs. Whenever my brother and I showed an interest in anything positive our parents gave us “opportunity” to enact on those interests.  We were artists, sport players, musicians, and anything else we could get into. I actually built up my ability to read through the art of comic books. To me, they were fun to read, and from reading them I learned how to draw superheroes (which helped to make me an artist) and I developed a great vocabulary at a relatively young age. A lot of parents frown on the usage of comic books, but if it motivates your child to read and learn then what do you have to lose? When my parents bought me a basketball, I would wake up at 5 in the morning to go play across the street on the basketball court. My mother was a teacher who would often bring paper and pencils home, so I practiced artwork a lot with the materials she brought. I am telling you this to let you know that kids “need” activity. If a child doesn’t have any then you can rest assured they will create “their own.” I will close out by telling you my own personal story. When I was a manager of a housing complex, I inherited a boatload of problems. I had drug dealers as tenants, I had people on the FBI’s “wanted” list and I had kids that randomly “vandalized” the property. I knew that no matter how much I talked to the parents it would not change the behavior of the kids. The parents had already “lost control” of them. Instead, I appealed to the nature of the kids. I had a basketball court built “on the property.” As “soon” as the word “got out,” my office was “stormed” by these same kids who were doing all the vandalizing. All of them came into my office and “asked” me if they could help to “clean” the area where the court was going to be constructed. Please keep in mind that under normal circumstances these kids would normally destroy things instead of help to create them. I gave them permission to clean the area and that is “exactly” what they did (and they were thorough). They kept coming into my office and asking to help until the very day that the court was “finished.” Once everything was done, the vandalism on the property “amazingly” stopped. I even helped to “christen” the court by going out to play with the young boys and “take them to school” with my “amazing” basketball ability (smile). I am telling you all this because even “bad” kids need an outlet. While it is not your “responsibility” to cater to those kids you may find that a “small” random act of kindness with them could make the ‘biggest” difference in their world. You could do something as small as “buy” them ice cream cones. Whatever you do, the kids “will” appreciate it, and probably view you with “more respect” than they do their own parents. There is nothing wrong with offering “encouragement” to a child of someone else, especially if that child is in need of it. I already know what random acts of kindness can do for a youngster. Stop referring to them as “bad” kids and once you start to notice a change in their behavior, make sure that you tell the parents “how” you got their kids to change. Sometimes parents need help too. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope that through your efforts you can make a difference. Have a great day.

Got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (usernname: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.

 

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Singer Muziq Soulchild and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: what men like to see women wear)

The other day I was talking to a young lady who had just started up a relationship with a nice young gentleman. They were in the very early stages of their relationship and things seemed great for the short amount of time that they had been together. However, she asked me “How do men normally like to see their women dressed?” She wanted to know if men preferred women to dress kind of “slut-ish” or should she be “elegant, casual or hardly dressed at all?” I told her that “each” man is different, so each man has different tastes. It could help to think about how you were dressed when you initially “met” this man, because obviously what you wore that day “worked.” However, now that you are past the initial stage of dating then the best way to find out what he likes is to get the info from “him.” His reactions to “what you wear” will give you some GREAT clues as to what he likes to see you in. If he is one of those men who cannot “verbally” tell you, then just go through a little “trial and error” period. A man doesn’t have to say anything. There are OTHER ways of knowing if he likes the outfit you have on (Please don’t make me go into detail on this… just trust me, you will know). If you have great legs then usually short skirts (or tight pants) would work. If you are top heavy then something that is “form fitting” up top (or something with a little cleavage to it) might also work. Remember, during those special holidays when you were presented with a little gift? Remember how you felt when receiving it all “packaged” up? Just unwrapping the paper gave you a thrill. Well, that is “exactly” how most men are when it comes to their women. The wrapping DOES make a difference. While reaching the “desired destination” is a great thing for them, they also like “the journey” towards that destination. The best way to keep your man is to simply “learn” your man. Often it can make a “world” of difference. This particular man has been in vacation, but please welcome back that Oscar winning rabbit, the Phantom Poet:

I just started a new relationship with my man and with each other we are totally obsessed
For the sake of keeping it fresh, how do most men like to see their women dressed?
Should we do makeup, low cleavage, or high heels for love?
Or should we just simply go with “All of the above?”
If a woman has a cute rear end, should she wear something tight to show her butt?
Or should she just let it “all” hang out, and dress to be his personal “slut?”
When it comes to pleasing your man, it is totally up to your call
You can wear all sorts of different clothes or wear “nothing at all”
Be careful how you do things, because attire is a sensitive subject
You “can’t” wear nothing at all when going out with him in public
It may be true that your man appreciates your really “cute ass”
But if you are going to showcase it in public, please do so “with class”
You can dress like a free spirit, and your man will appreciate your determination
But when it comes to your worldly goods, leave SOMETHING to the imagination
When you are out with your man, you don’t have to worry about being lonely
But what he cherishes about you should be for HIS eyes only
So continue to represent yourself well, and continue to impress
And allow your man to let the world know that he “loves” how you dress

“Welcome him back. Applause, please, for the Phantom Poet”…

 

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Harold Melvin’s Bluenotes and Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: George Zimmerman trial)

Okay, I know that everyone has already chimed in on the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman issue. For those of you who haven’t heard by now, Zimmerman was found “innocent” of all charges for murdering Trayvon and was subsequently “set free.” People are expressing their views, so today I figured I would take my turn. However, I’d like to examine the things that most others “don’t focus” on. First, with all the killings that happen on a “daily” basis in most urban cities of the United States, why did “this” particular case garnish “so” much publicity? I will give you a hint by tossing out some other names: OJ Simpson, Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods. Do any of these names ring a bell? Kobe was accused of raping some woman. OJ was accused of murdering some woman. Tiger was accused of “cheating” on his woman, and yet for “some” reason the media “blew” these stories up “bigger” than the “bombings of Pearl Harbor.” Just in case these clues were not sufficient enough I will try to help you out even more. These athletes were “African American, famous and affluent.” The women in each of these cases were “White.” Whether you want to admit it or not, the fact of the matter is that “RACE SELLS.” When there is something immoral happening between a couple of 2 different races (ESPECIALLY between Blacks and Whites) it ALWAYS causes some kind of “stir” in the public eye. The media “blasts” these stories because we “love” and “support” this stuff. Our jail cells are “filled” with inmates who “stalked, confronted and murdered” people just like Zimmerman did. So why were they locked up while Zimmerman was set free, and why were their cases not as “highly publicized?” Because we CHOOSE the stories we want to hear. For us, anything “racial” brings out “emotion” within us, and that is why these stories become so popular. Even though a lot of people are doing so, I refuse to blame the “jury.” ANY jury is supposed to weigh the facts presented to them, and if one particular lawyer is better than the other then in most cases the results favor the “better” lawyer. Just like most Whites claimed with OJ, African Americans are now claiming that this perpetrator “got away with murder.” From my “own” perspective, I just “cannot” say that Trayvon’s killing was “racially motivated.” Even though he was deemed “suspicious” by Zimmerman that does NOT mean that his suspicions were “racially based.” The “racial” entity came from “us” because most African Americans have felt a “double standard” when it comes to justice in the system. When OJ was found innocent of murdering his wife, African Americans weren’t applauding because they believed he was innocent. They applauded because for once a minority actually “beat” the system. In this circumstance it appears that no one really wants to focus on the fact that Zimmerman is “part Hispanic” because doing so would only take some of the “edge” off the issue of “race.” It’s “no fun” if the 2 participants are “BOTH” minorities. A lot of people hate him because he appears “fat” and with his “light coloring” he also “appears White.” It’s unfortunate, but he just “looks” like someone you would “hate” even though most of us don’t know him personally. Another issue is our court system. Just because someone is found “not guilty” does not mean that they are “innocent.” It just means that they have not been “proven” guilty. There “is” a difference. What I don’t understand in this case is “why” wasn’t the “Stand your ground” defense applied to Trayvon? If he was being approached by some stranger with a loaded gun, then shouldn’t he have been allowed the right to “defend” himself? If he attacked Zimmerman, then according to Florida’s law, he should have had “every right” to do so out of “imminent fear.” Instead, the self defense clause was applied to Zimmerman, whose lawyers “expertly” used it to set him free. Whether we want to admit it or not, justice was applied according to Florida’s court system.  It is sad when the issue of “race” makes a case “bigger” than what it should be, but as long as we continue to support racial incidents then they will “always” come to the forefront. The media can only “sell” it if we continue to “buy” it. In the meantime, other situations like this will arise with no one “giving a damn” about it because it isn’t as “racially charged.” As much as we talk about how unfair racial relations are, we often tend to be the “biggest” perpetrators of it. God knows, God hears, and God answers… In the end, the verdict will come from a “much higher” authority than “you or me.” As always, I welcome any and all opposing points of view. Thank you, and have a great day.

 

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Got a topic? Contact me at Brettjolly@aol.com or send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.

 

The Miracles and Brett Jolly performing in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: One of “those” days)

For me yesterday was really “one of those days.” Everything seemed to “malfunction” and I just couldn’t get anything to work. First, my internet service went out completely. That was real aggravating, because I couldn’t even put out a Daily Thought. To add insult to injury, my watch stopped as well so all day I couldn’t even tell the correct time. Finally, my cell phone went on the blink. The screen started jumping, and the light started going out and all kinds of crazy things are happening with it. Also, I had to go to court for a parking violation that I believed was so unnecessary. If you have ever heard of the Philadelphia Parking authority (I believe they once had a television series on it) this place is “God forsaken.” The atmosphere is “cold and callous” and no one there cares about anyone’s situation. They are only interested in applying the law and taking your money at the best opportunity. I had to spend a long time waiting for a review. Then when my name was called I told the lady that I had to play at an establishment and there was “no place at all” to park. In order for me to play, I had to unload heavy equipment (and I can’t carry it blocks). I put my hazards on (because I had no intention of leaving it parked there) and tried to rush in to unload my equipment. Well, the guy was waiting and watching me and then “rushed” to write the ticket before I could even get back to the car. When I explained this to the lady, she told me I still had to pay the ticket. I then asked her how I can conduct business with an establishment if there is no where for me to park and I need to unload my equipment. She simply said, “I don’t know.” I told her that I “expected that answer.” Anyway, all these things resulted in me having “one of those days.” Nothing seemed to go right, and I just “knew” that no matter what I tried yesterday I would “not” have been successful. Everyone has days like that from time to time, but I have developed a new way to address my “bad days.” First, I am more than willing to “laugh” at my tough circumstances. Hey, what is the use in getting upset over it? Also, I realize that this “cloud” over my head would likely last all day, so I tried to shorten the day by going to bed “early.” Unfortunately I had to play last night, so that couldn’t happen. Finally, I try to make NO “major” decisions that day, because chances are I will not make the right choice on anything. Believe it or not, by the end of the evening things actually did get better. My internet is on, but my watch and my phone are still “jacked up.” Today I awoke with a positive attitude and until further notice I will assume that today the “funky cloud” has “left me.” If not, I will know soon if today is a continuation of yesterday. I apologize for not being able to get a Daily Thought out yesterday. Today is a “new” day, and I aim to “view it” that way. Everyone has a bad day from time to time. I only hope that you can resolve yours in the same peaceful manner that I do mine. Life is too precious to let the bad moments dominate your life. Pick up the pieces and get back to putting your jigsaw puzzle back together again. Detours may make you take a little longer, but they don’t have to stop you from achieving your destination. Hope your day is a great one, and stay blessed.

 

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Got a topic? Email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or send me a friend request on Facebook or on Skype (username:Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.

 

The Soul Survivors (“Expressway to your heart”) and Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Brothers competing over the same woman)

Hello Phantom Poet. My brother and I have this little problem. You see we both like the same woman. She is beautiful and we both like her a lot. We are not physically fighting each other over her, but there is definitely competition. I am 2 years older then he is and she is closer to my age. He thinks that he can treat her better than I can. Both of us cannot have her but both of us surely want her. How can we settle this between us?

You make it sound as though the choice is “yours.” In actuality, the choice is “hers.” A woman “knows” what she likes and what she doesn’t like, and your best bet is be good enough for her to want you over your brother. I am glad that you and your brother are at least handling this civilly  and are not violent towards each other, because blood is supposed to be thicker than water. However, you both need to realize that women are “smart enough” to realize who (and what) they want. It is even quite possible that she may not want a relationship with either one of you. If you want to engage in a “friendly” competition then there is nothing wrong with that, as long as there are “no hard feelings” for the loser, but the choice should still be “hers.” It may also be beneficial to be truthful to her. If you let her know that both brothers want her then she can make her own assessment. Please remember, women are “not” objects. They can think and rationalize just like men do (Uh, actually in many cases women do it BETTER). The best you can do is to “present your BEST game” and let the chips fall where they may with her. They say that most women can tell within minutes who they like. She may “already” have her mind set.  Just “be you” and let her make the final decision, and good luck to you both. Since you asked for him, here he is. Please welcome the Phantom Poet:

My brother is my family, and we believe in each other when all is said and done
However, when it comes to women, he and I are both interested in the same one
Only one of us can have her, and I am sure that the winner will clearly rejoice
But we need to realize that the winner of this battle will have to be HER choice
We both are perfect gentlemen, in great shape, fit and trim
but I am smarter, so she needs to choose ME over him
So my brother and I decided to compete for her, winner take all
We went out back to engage in a fierce game of basketball
It was a very physical game, and we both ended up tired and sweaty
But by the time we finished, she had left with the guy down the street already
She said that she considered us both, but she had a change of heart after the chance to think
She said, “You brothers are really nice, but after a game of basketball you both STINK”
She said, “Let this be a lesson to you both, because you both need to realize
I am NOT some inanimate object that you can win as a prize
I already know what I want, and I intend to choose by design
Because in the end, the ultimate choice will “always” be mine

“Hey, but at least I won the game”… The Phantom Poet

 

Got a topic? Email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (or you can send me a friend request on Facebook or one on Skype at username Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.

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Members of Full Force, Tom Joyner and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Apprehension over past relationships)

Dear Mr. Jolly. There is this man who I believe likes me. He always goes out of his way to say hello to me, and recently he started to ask me out. I have not given him an answer yet because of his history. I have friends of mine who know of him, and they said that he has had several partners in his past relationships. They said he has had at least 5 relationships and I don’t think I want a man who has that much experience. My other friends keep trying to tell me that it doesn’t matter, but I think it does. Am I wrong?

There are several things wrong with this situation. First, if you want to know the truth about someone, it is “always” best to get it directly “from the source.” Those friends of yours who are reporting his past activities to you “may” or “may not” know the full story, and if you go according to “speculation” then you might be losing out on an opportunity to know a really nice guy. Also, just about EVERYONE has some sort of “past.” If you are looking for someone who hasn’t had “any” type of relationship OR “sexual encounter” then you just might be in for a “very long” search.  The one thing I “didn’t” see you mention was “how you feel about him.” If you had not heard all this negative information from your friends, do you even “think” that you might be interested in him? I realize that there may possibly be some other details that you didn’t mention, but on the surface it feels to me like you are “making excuses.” If you are afraid to commit to someone, or if you have apprehensions about dating then just “admit it.” When it comes to love and relationships there will always be some “anxieties and apprehensions,” but the final answer should not come from your friends, but rather from “you.” When dating someone, it usually involves the process of “getting to know your date.” Your friends are only telling you what they “think” they know. If you at least go out with this man, you can get to hear “his side of the story.”  Finally, just think of how you would like it if someone began to spread rumors about you that were “not” true.  Would you think that was fair? If you don’t, then why don’t you consider giving this man the same respect and courtesy that you would want others to give you? By the way, were you really serious about the “5” partners part? Do you really consider that to be “excessive” for a man? Maybe if he is 15 or 16. Well, I hope your make a “definitive” decision regarding this man, so that you don’t hinder him from finding happiness with “someone else” if you are not interested in him. Thank you for your topic and as usual, we cannot end this story without a compelling piece from the Phantom Poet:

This man has an incredible relationship history since he has been alive
My friends tell me that with women he has had at “least” (gasp) FIVE….!
To me that is way too much, and I would consider that to be uncanny
How could ANY woman want to date a man who has had that many?
As long as I listen to my friends then I won’t consider it as “opportunity missed”
They even told me that a couple of the women he dated he even “kissed”
How can a woman even want to deal with a man with that kind of history?
Better yet. Can a woman find a virgin man? That is the REAL mystery
I need a “pure and sanctified” man if you can understand what I mean
My friends told me that they found one for me, (but he is “only thirteen”)
At first I thought that might be too young, but if to my needs he can cater
Then at least I will have a found a clean man, and he can get a job later
I will probably have to wait until he gets out of school for our date to begin, so
I don’t think I will have any problem if on our first date we play Nintendo
I realize that he may be a bit young, but at least he is pure like “none other”
And for permission to date him I only had to go “ask his mother”
NOW my friends are telling me that I have been misled
They heard stories that he actually “hugged” another girl in Phys Ed
I have HAD IT with males and their cheating ways
I guess I will be alone the rest of my life the way it now plays
I will continue to listen to the advice of my friends, of course
Because when it comes to finding the truth, why even consider getting it from the source?

“Yeah”…. The Phantom Poet

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Singer/songwriter/actor Clifton Davis and Brett Jolly performing onstage

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