Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Sexual Compatibility)

Dear Mr. Jolly, I have been dating this man for a couple of weeks. I have been taking things very slow with him and now I am finding out that I am glad I did.  The other day we got into an interesting conversation about sex, and when he told me the things that he likes it almost made me sick. I can’t believe he would even stoop to that level just for sexual satisfaction. I am not that way at all  and I don’t think we can be a match in a relationship if that is the way he thinks. I know he can tell that I was repulsed by what  he said. Other than that, he seemed like a nice guy. It’s obvious we are not compatible sexually, so should I just forget about  him and end this relationship before it gets to the next level?

When it comes to sexual compatibility, you will find that “most” people have “unique” tastes. Some people like more compassion while others may like more physicality. Certain acts might turn people on  while those same acts can seem offensive to others. To a great degree, everyone is diverse… There was nothing wrong in him divulging to you what his sexual appetite was, and if he was only being honest with you then I don’t see any harm in that. However, relationships depend on compatibility and “communication” so even though he might like those risque things, it doesn’t mean that he may not be willing to sacrifice those things in order to be with you. “Rarely” are couples absolute “perfect” matches for each other, and most times there needs to be some compromise “somewhere” in order to make a relationship work. If what he said to you doesn’t work, then by all means “tell” him so. You are still early in the dating stages (and usually dating is done to find out just how compatible you are) so if it breaks up from here then you shouldn’t lose a lot that you may have invested in him. Most times a sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but please keep in mind that it should be considered only the “icing on the cake.” Never confuse it for the “entire” cake. His desires may seem “out there” to you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to compromise your values for him. “Never settle” for less than what you feel you deserve, but make sure to “communicate” your feelings to see where you can go “from here.”  If the relationship “doesn’t feel right” then do not attempt going to that next level” until it does.” MANY people form relationships thinking that they can just “change their partner” later on down the road. That trick “never” works… Don’t be afraid to see him for “who he is” rather than “what you want him to be” and go from there. If it doesn’t work, then so be it. Good luck to you, and I wish you the best with this situation.

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Email: Brettjolly@aol.com

Skype: Brettjolly1

Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Electricity theft?”)

I just read an interesting story. A man in Chamblee, GA, has an electric car (this is a car that runs, of course, on electricity). This car needed to be plugged into an outlet to get power from electricity. According to published reports, this man drove up to Chamblee Middle School and charged his car up to an “outside” electrical outlet. They say that the amount of electricity he took was the “full” equivalent of “5 cents” worth. Amazingly, ten days later the sheriffs came to him and “arrested” him for “stealing electricity.” Their take on all of this was that “no matter how much was taken, theft is still theft, and against the law.” Technically (and legally), they are “correct.” However, if someone plugs his cell phone up to an outlet, their chances of getting arrested are not that prominent. If that is the case, then should this gentleman be arrested for stealing 5 cents worth of electricity?  Let’s look at the facts. Normally, someone who wants to charge up a phone probably wouldn’t have done it outside. If they had done it inside and no one from the school facility had questioned or stopped them then I guess you could say that “by law” they had “consent” to do so. However, if they charged their phones up outside the facility with no one watching then should that make a difference? Sometimes the difference between theft and gift is the actual “knowledge” of the action committed. If the owners of the property know about you taking the electricity and do nothing to stop you then by law that could be considered “consent.” When I took a law class in college, I was shocked to learn that if someone comes to your house and cuts the lawn without your approval, but you see them do it and say nothing, then that worker is legally entitled to expect money from you. If that is indeed the law, then that “could” explain the concept of consent in this case. Also we need to keep in mind that the principle of “cars that run on electricity” is somewhat new. Cell phones are small gadgets that “don’t appear” to use much electricity, while with something bigger like a car it is easier to “assume” that the amount of electricity being taken is “huge.” What this all boils down to is that we are often prone to “judge” those things that we don’t quite “understand.” I sincerely hope that the judge in this case allows the man to pay the school the “5 cents” for the electricity he took and allow this case to have a happy ending. As for the man himself, I hope he comes to realize that you can’t take liberties with things without consent. While this man should not be arrested for 5 cents worth of electricity, he should have known better than to use power from a source that was not his to begin with. Stay tuned, and hopefully we can monitor the end result of this case. In the meantime, I hope that everyone reading this has a “great and awesome” day.

 

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Soul singer Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: The Anthony Weiner situation)

Mr. Jolly, I would love to know your take on the Anthony Weiner situation. He was accused of sending sexual texts to other women besides his wife years ago and ended up disgraced from office. Now he is running for mayor of New York city and this is his second time sending sexual messages by texts. It is obvious that he has a problem, but do you think he should be allowed to stay in the race?

Let’s be real about this…  I am convinced that he did all of these things, so in that sense we all know he was “morally” wrong. Normally when someone runs for office and is caught doing something immoral he should be “run out” of the race. However, I have a problem coming to grips with whether the difference between him and all other political opponents is whether he was guilty of the crime or he was just guilty of being “caught.” You see, it is quite possible that a LOT of political candidates engage in some type of immoral behavior, but not enough of them get “caught in the act.” Former mayor of Washington DC Marion Barry was busted in a drug sting in a hotel. Bill Clinton was in danger of being impeached after having an affair with Monica Lewinsky in the oval office. President Obama has just recently been accused of violating everyone’s privacy by examining people’s private phone and internet messages. I have long “given up” on finding any political candidate without “some type of human flaw.” It is quite possible that Mr. Weinder has a “sex” addiction problem and may need help for it. I don’t know enough to be able to determine if that kind of problem will hinder him from doing a good job as an elected official. Clinton’s situation in office was “extremely” immoral, but that never stopped him from being a great President. Whatever Anthony Weiner’s problems are, he is still “no less human” than the rest of us. While it would seem that most people would not want someone with such a weakness as a leader I would not be able to judge his abilities just based on these incidents. I also know that it takes “two to tango.” I find it amazing that these women who are coming out of the woodwork are providing all this evidence as though “he” was the “only” one doing wrong. Considering the fact that he is a “highly well known” political figure I am sure that most of these women just “had to know” that he was already married. Most times “phone sex” involves two partners talking intimately, otherwise it lacks “impact.” Right now Anthony Weiner makes for a great “political punching bag,” The media is having a ball just “taking shots” at him. Being mayor of any city is a high level position that should warrant professional conduct, but if he is elected he will hardly be the first to “violate” the code of ethics that one must maintain. I don’t live in New York City so I won’t be able to vote for him  anyway. What he did was indeed “troubling” but I also know that “no one” is perfect and we all are humanly prone to make mistakes. All jokes aside, I would still make a decision based solely on his platform. Thank you for submitting this topic, and have a great day.

 

Got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.

 

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Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Discussing the “future” in relationships)

Mr. Jolly,
 
I have a question for you about a couple that is in a relationship.  The relationship is one that is agreed upon by both parties.  They are both happy in the relationship and enjoy one another. No real future plans have been discussed, but stated for when we…….  Giving a man an ultimatum is a sure way to have him pull back and even break up with you. Dropping small hints is better, but watching not to go overboard. A real woman doesn’t want to over-step herself, sound desperate, or make someone feel obligated. Good communication will bring out your mates intentions. Now that I have your attention, here is my question: Is it appropriate for the female to talk about future plans together or should the female follow the man’s leading and only talk about it when he does? I would like to hear a man’s perspective about this. A lady must always be a lady and stay in her lane.
 
Thank you kindly,

From a man’s perspective I do believe that the concept of marriage should at least be “initiated” by the man (sorry, but I am just old fashioned that way). I don’t think there is anything “personally” wrong with a woman expressing her desire to marry (provided that is what you are “referring” to), but if she does it too early in the relationship (or too often) then that “can” be viewed by the man as “pressure.” It is important to know the long term goals of a relationship for both parties. Relationships should be cultivated gradually and the couple should try to grow it as they go along. From the woman’s side of things, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with “dropping hints” regarding her desired future (as long as it is not done “constantly”). Some men can feel “trapped” easily, and that is why it is important to focus on making the relationship better before taking on the concept of marriage. If you want to go from point A to point Z then sometimes you tend to lose track of all the good points in between. While “getting married” is admirable, it should not take precedence over “getting married to your soul mate.” Some people become so infatuated with “getting” married that they sometimes become blind to “red flags” in a relationship. Usually these red flags can cause damage “after”the wedding. If you take the time to work on your “relationship” then at some point getting married should only be the “icing on the cake.” Sometimes a man “needs” hints dropped to him (and I am sure most women out there know what I am talking about) but it is extremely important to make sure that you are not giving “ultimatums” (unless, of course, you both have been in the “dating” stage for a VERY long time). Women should be patient, but not THAT patient. Good communication in a relationship is “always” essential, and it is important for the man to know how you feel. If you can communicate with him while avoiding pressuring him, then chances of something great happening in your relationship are good. There is nothing wrong with a lady “staying in her lane” but that doesn’t meant that you can’t “toot your horn” every now and then to get his attention. Get to know your man (and let your man get to know you) and make sure that you both are “traveling” the same direction on that “highway of love and life.” Good luck and let’s hear some thunderous applause for the Phantom Poet:

Relationships between couples are healthy even when certain emotions are poured
You want to go to the next level, but watching not to go overboard
You want to discuss the future with your man, but you don’t want to debate him
And when it comes to marriage, you shouldn’t want to offer an ultimatum
In marriage the man is usually the king and the woman is the queen
but you shouldn’t go from A to Z without dealing with the points in between
Some people have issues, and for them those issues are easily carried
They don’t care WHO they get involved with as long as they eventually “get married”
but you need to know about the one you love in order for it to survive
“I think my baby is an axe murderer, but he has only killed about 4 or 5”
“I don’t really know a whole lot about him, for he and I just recently met”
“I just know that I really want to marry… uh.. What’s his name? I forget”
He may have a speech impediment but that only makes me want to work faster
As long as he is able to say “I do” in front of the pastor
“Look! I want a husband, and at this point ANYONE can heed my request”
“I don’t even care  about us taking any type of blood test”
I don’t even care about all the car bombings, killings of shootings he has tried
As long as he is able to see, think and speak, then for me he’s “qualified”
I will worry about all the other details afterwards, because I want our love to languish
So that me and my man can live life together… Happily ever “anguish”

With this ring, I thee “dread”… The Phantom Poet

 

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If you have a topic that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, please feel free to contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (Or you can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1) Thank  you and have a great day.

 

Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Does a husband own a wife sexually?)

My husband and I recently reconciled and have moved back together after 10 months of being apart. Our arguments were always over his need for sex everyday, he just couldn’t understand after working all day, taking care of the kids when I get home, I’m just plain tired. When I ask him to help he tells me it’s women’s work. His solution now is that we make a porn video so when I’m not there physically for the sex at least I’ll be there on the TV. I think he’s lost his mind and I’m ready to ask him to leave again. Do you think I should try to save this marriage or chalk it up as a mistake twice?
 
I hate to inform you of this, but when you take marriage vows, you are “required by covenant” to satisfy each other’s needs, and yes, that “includes sexually.” I agree that it is unfair for you to work all day with him refusing to help around the house like he should, but because you are married he is SUPPOSED to look to you for fulfilling his sexual desires. The same can be said for you when it comes to him. The whole concept of marriage is that you both now belong to EACH OTHER, so contractually he has EVERY “right” to “want” sex from you. What you may want to do is work out a situation with him where he at least handles “certain duties” around the house. The principle of marriage also means that you both should be “one” when it comes to “housework” too. Just like you have to fulfill your part of the marriage vows he has to do his share as well. As for his strong sexual desire, in “time” that novelty WILL wear off. Until then, you don’t want him looking elsewhere for it.  As for the video, he also has a right to ask you to do it as well. He just loves intimacy with his wife, and he is willing to take it in any form he can get it. If you make the video for him, it might just relieve you so that you can get some “rest” and isn’t that what you really want? Examine the overall picture first when it comes to your marriage. You may find that you actually have a very “ideal” situation. Also, try to understand WHY he feels so attached to you in this way. After all, when you think about it, isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be all about? Here comes the Phantom Poet ready to make a porno tape with ANYONE willing to accommodate him:
 
 
Maybe I have been secluded too long or I have been living in the woods
But is it true that a wife’s duty is to always give up her goods?
I work hard all day and my job never seems to cut me any slack
And at night I don’t need “Pokey Robinson” sticking me in my back
I’m mentally exhausted, worn out and just not in the best of shape
And can you believe this fool wants me to make some darn porno tape?
I am not the type of woman who just gives in to some guy’s demands
So that he can use my image to take “matters into his own hands”
He constantly likes to remind me to perform what he calls my “wife-ly duty”
And THAT means whenever he wants some I’m supposed to give up “da booty”
I am sick of his constant sexual demands and sometimes I feel I need a nurse
When the pastor married us, the vows should have been “For better or perverse”
I agree that there should be sex in a marriage, for love is what you make it
He keeps telling me that all I have to do lay there and just “take it”
That doesn’t sound romantic to me at all, and in fact it feels quite “savage”
And now he wants me to make a video with him so my body he can ravage?
I know with a tape of us he can satisfy his needs: I’m no country bumpkin
But this man keeps acting as though we are “married” or somethin’
“Oh, that’s right… We ARE married” so I guess this much is actually true
To satisfy her man they say a wife has got to do what she got to do
When a man loves a woman, he also loves whatever it is she has “down there”
And I guess if I can satisfy him, then he should have no need to look elsewhere
I guess I’ll try harder to satisfy my husband when I’m finished my workday
After all, he ain’t going to last anymore than 60 seconds anyway
So now that we are back together I want this marriage to be fun
But I’m tired, so I’ll just tell him to wake me… when he’s “done”…
 
“Baby, there’s nothing in the wedding vows that says I have to move too” The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (You can also send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.

 

Singer Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Where has my life gone?)

The other day I drove my daughter someplace and we came across a department building that had changed names several times over the years. I remembered it as being a Borders book store once, then a furniture outlet, then a Halloween store and now it had become a book store again. I asked my daughter how long she figured this book store would last and she said “Not very long.” When I asked her why she said “Because people don’t read books anymore. They download the stories online and read them that way.” A stark revelation just came over me at that point. If that is the case, then no wonder the other book stores went out of business. I didn’t even know that you could read entire books online now. I guess it makes some sense, because as a musician I knew that you could download music online and I have also heard that you can download movies as well. To me, this meant one of two things: Either technology is growing much faster than I can keep up with or I am “getting old.” When cell phones first came out I remember seeing people walking around with these big heavy gadgets strapped to their waist belts with some kind of dial up phone in his or her hands. As fashionable as it was back then it seems just about ridiculous now. How many of you remember an ancient artifact called “pay phones?” They used to be on every other corner, and a lot of them didn’t work because some fool broke it trying to get money out of it and the area would often smell like urination. Where are these pay phones now? When music albums and CD’s with 10 to 12 songs on them became extinct, music sellers like Sam Goody’s and Tower Records went out of business. They also became victims to the internet, because now people can download one song and save money as opposed to buying a CD with 12 songs (with only one song that you like). Then I started to wonder how the record labels make money, only to find out that most of them went out of business too. The ones that are left still control the radio stations (They pay the stations to play ONLY their artists) while the quality of the music on these stations has suffered significantly. So I asked some people in the radio industry how that is working out and they are saying that the stations themselves are “also” suffering financially. It is obvious that “technology” has arrived, but with it has come much confusion. If an artist makes a record, or an author writes a book, or a director makes a movie, how can they hope to get paid if there are no longer any record stores, book outlets or movie theaters? Unemployment is often a result of  no opportunities, and when technology steps in we either have to change with it or suffer because of it. Just how much business does the Post Office do now that email is so prominent? Unless you are sending a big package, there is hardly a use for the mailman now. Also, I got caught up in the “text” era. I just can’t understand why someone would want to take the time to type out a message that can be stated “much quicker” through the use of your own voice. My kids had to actually show me how to text even though it felt so awkward and time consuming.  I have come to the realization that life changes as “we” change, and we should look for ways to stay ahead of the technology that improves our living yet destroys our living standards. I’ve got it now… In this new  and upcoming year I hope to make the most of opportunities that have not gotten here yet, and I hope that you can do so as well.  I hope you all are enjoying the holidays, and have a great day. Here is that holiday misfit, the Santa Poet:

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through  our home
The kids went looking for their presents and through the house they did roam
Certain things they wanted but the stores for them were hard to find
That’s when we came to the realization that everything is now bought “online”
I asked them if they wanted to go to the movies, because I bought some tix
They told me that we can order them online through something called Netflix
I wanted to hear some good music that I have not bought in many moons
Instead of going to the store my kids said “Order it from I-tunes”
I needed time to reflect so I wanted to purchase a good book, I proposed
“If you can find one, then go do so, but now all the book stores are closed”
It feels as though I have lost my entire life to my computer and this is where everything is at
So if I want to spend some intimate time with my woman, do I need to go online for THAT?
My kids said that they don’t mean to be disrespectful or even rude
But you can make a sex video and actually post it on Youtube
So even though nothing is stirring, not even a “mouse”
Thanks to the internet, there is no longer a need to leave the house
I guess I have to get used to this, and I guess I will need to conform
And come to grips with the fact that everything must change, and accept the “new norm”

“Ho, ho, ho… Your “old” now”… Santa Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, you are more than welcome to email me directly at Brettjolly@aol.com or at Brett@Love-notes.co (spelled with a  hyphen (-) in the middle. You can also send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.

 

Frankie Beverly and Brett  Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: No more physical attraction)

Subject: No more physical attraction
 
I have a wonderful wife of 10 years. She is caring, fun, witty, smart & interesting. I love her with all my heart but in the last several years our sex life has become non-existent. This is partly because she is never the aggressor and I am truly not physically attracted to her any longer. How can I force myself to be turned on by someone who used to do so but doesn’t any longer? I guess it’s the difference between love and lust-but how do I stay faithful in a relationship if the attraction isn’t there anymore?
 
Do like “most” couples do… close your eyes and pretend your spouse is your favorite film screen idol. If your wife is now 40 pounds overweight and looking like “John shot the sheriff” then close your eyes and pretend she’s Kim Kardashian or somebody. In fact, pretend she is Kim with an eating disorder… Yeah, that’s it! Hey, don’t laugh. How many of you out there reading this article will even ADMIT that you PRETENDED you were with someone else when having sex? I notice the only ones NOT raising their hands are the ones whose spouses are currently standing right next to them. “Smart move”… Don’t worry… You can raise your hands later on after he or she is asleep. Okay, I guess the “pretend” thing may not work. Well then, you MIGHT want to try something like counseling. Most people shudder when the word counseling is even mentioned because it makes them think that they are crazy or something, but actually there are many sane intelligent people who utilize it. What “counseling” does is give you insight into what is changing in your marriage. It points out the things that often change in a relationship and then helps you correct them to the point of making you both happy again. Often when couples get married, they never ponder the thought that the person they started out with will NOT be the same person they end up with. In other words, as we grow older, we all change… That slim waist might be nothing but a memory in ten years. The long hair might fade away gradually and those muscles might sag a little bit. It falls under the concept of growing “old”. Once age starts to set in sometimes people have to do a little more “pretending” when it comes to “hitting it” with his or her spouse. If your wife is no longer the aggressor then it is possible that she may have lost her desire for you as well. She may have to pretend you’re Tom Cruise or somebody. There are products to help bring the “life” back into your marriage. Things like Viagra are supposed to ignite the desire, but in order to re-fresh things it usually takes good communication, and you may need to incorporate a third party (No, NOT a three-some. I am referring to a counselor). Also doing things like taking trips together has been known to fire up stuff long thought to be dormant. There are ways to spice up your marriage, and sometimes it is not as difficult as you may think. While true love comes from within there is nothing wrong with tightening up your “outer” self every once in awhile. Try your best to stay appealing to your mate, and make your marriage love life last (try to say THAT 3 times fast). Here is a Phantom Poet reminder of how great love can be:
 
 
 
I have loved my wife for well over a decade
But the sex in our marriage has started to fade
We used to do it in the car, in the basement and on the rug
Now we can’t THINK about doing it until after I’ve had that little drug
When it now comes to her, the sex appeal is no longer there
She has let go of her figure and doesn’t even try to fix her hair
When I even THINK of having sex with her, it just gives me nightmares
She said that she owns little battery-operated gadgets in a locked box upstairs
Well what about me? Don’t I deserve to get my stuff off too?
Maybe I need to go out and buy me a balloon Betty Boo
Don’t laugh; there are times when this particular doll will do
But when she is deflated, most times I am, too
Otherwise, if we are going to do this, I will need to close my eyes and dream
And pretend that you are Kim Kardasian covered in nothing but ice cream
If this works for you, then you can surely do that same
Just please do me a favor and don’t call me someone else’s name
I think we have now discovered the way to have happy sex in our home
We just turn out all the lights and let our imaginations roam
So if YOU have a sex problem, there’s no need to place it on the shelf
Just have fun with your spouse, and pretend he or she is someone else
 
“Aw, baby, now WHY did you have to turn the lights back on so soon?” The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@love-notes.co

 

Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly (top middle) in concert

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