Subject: Nothing in common but sex
I’ve been with a guy for nine months now. We’re both in our 20s and have a great sex life, but sometimes it seems like that’s all we have. He never talks to me, and things he’s interested in bore me. We don’t like the same food or the same movies. We spend nearly every day (and night!) together and have discussed living together to save money. But I’m not sure that makes sense if we have no future together. Is it possible to have a long-term relationship or a marriage where the only thing that works is sex?
That’s Funny… From what you have said it sounds like the two of you are “ALREADY” married… In fact, you almost sound like the “average” married couple right about now (maybe with the possible exception of the “great sex” part). Let me give you a formula that hopefully will work for planning a long-term relationship with someone. “Marry your friend”… Marry someone who you can “get along with no matter what he or she looks like.” I say this all the time, but when you get married the person you start out with will NOT be the same person you end up with (if your marriage lasts long enough). That cute little hourglass figure will not remain the same forever. His muscular physique will change over time. Since the both of you are so young you have a LONG ways to change. Just suppose the sexual aspect of your marriage gives out in 5 years. One of you could become overweight or sickly or even become injured in an accident. Should any of these things happen and impair your nightly rendezvous then the only thing you will be left with is your “friend”… That’s what love and marriage is really about. NEVER marry someone just for his or her physical attributes or abilities, because that can’t last forever. If you cannot socialize with each other now, then what chance will you have when the novelty of sex wears off? Do yourself a favor… Picture yourselves at 80 or 90 years of age. Considering what you know of each other now, do you think you both will still even “want” to be together then? The answer you come up with will determine a lot. Even if the both of you are totally OPPOSITES it can still work, but you still have to “at least” be friends with each other. Opposites do attract and in some cases they can actually work, but that is because of what’s under the surface… Get to know your man before you tie the knot, and get to know him before you tie the knot around his neck…Try imagining life without the sex, and then try to imagine being happy with him… Then you should have your answer… Here is sexually deficient paragraph from the Phantom Poet:
My man and I are together, and we are both near the age of twenty
We hardly talk and have nothing in common, but we have sex plenty
He hardly talks and he bores me. We can’t even like the same movie
But when the nighttime comes, all he wants to do is “groove me”
Is this anyway for us to live, and can we spend the rest of our lives together?
Would I even want to be with him without sex? My answer now is “Never”.
When I ask him to pay the bills or at least give me a couple of checks
His answer is always, “We’re broke, but let’s go upstairs and have sex”
Or if I ask him to clean out the gutters or sweep near the doorway
He’ll say, “I’m tired, honey, but we can both engage in foreplay”
Is sex his answer to everything? Can this type of life with him be the best?
He said, “I don’t know, baby, but come here… and get undressed”
If I wanted someone who doesn’t talk back, then I could have me a “different” kind of boy
That being the case, I could just buy me some battery-operated toy
Just like my man, it won’t talk, and it will never, ever flatter me
But at least it can get the job done, and all I need are batteries
It can’t move on it’s own, and a little weight behind it would do
But what can I say? My man is an inanimate object too
So there just might be some advantages to not having my man around
With my toy, I’ll never have to worry about making sure the toilet seat is down
It’s not great to have a body around the house that defies comprehension
This fool is only into Nintendo, and for my needs he never pays attention
I need a man who is going to pay more attention to me
So I think I’m going to wait until he leaves home, and then I’ll throw out his WII
He may get angry, and he may scream, holler and even shout
But I’ll make it up to him by taking him upstairs so we can make out
And if that doesn’t work, we have nothing to lose. No kids, ho conversation and no wealth
Then in that case whenever he wants sex I’ll just tell him to go gratify himself
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life married to some sex crazed jerk
So he is going to need a little more passion to make this relationship work
So if he can’t relate to me, then hopefully he can relate to being outside
Because that is where he is going to stay if for my needs he cannot provide.
“Good luck!”… The Phantom Poet
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The late Gerald Levert and singer Christopher Williams at sound check with Brett Jolly