Brett Jolly’ Daily Thought (“My experiences with Ashford and Simpson”)

I always liked the music of Ashford and Simpson. They were a husband and wife team that seemed inseparable in their love for each other and their music. When I first started out playing, never did I dream that I would one day get the opportunity to work with them. During one summer I was performing with Teddy Pendergrass at an out door event in Westbury, New York. With Teddy I had my own microphone and on occasion would sing backup vocals while playing. Well, this one evening I was onstage doing my thing for Teddy when I got a small “tap” on my shoulder. My first inclination was “how in the world could anyone else even get onstage to tap me on my shoulder while performing? The tap came from Nicolas Ashford, who wanted to use my microphone to sing the background parts to Teddy’s song. There was NO way I was going to tell them “no” so I just stepped back and let them have it. Teddy was in a wheelchair, so he could not turn around at first to see that they were there. After he finished the song, we alerted him to his newly found background singers and he smiled and gladly welcomed them. On another occasion I have to play for some kind of awards show (I can’t remember the name of it right now) but I knew that Ashford and Simpson were one of the artists listed on the bill. For those of you who don’t know, the song “Ain’t no mountain high enough” was originally performed by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, but the song was actually “written” by Ashford and Simpson. It was my pleasure to actually “perform” this song with them. Valerie Simpson played the piano and they both sang. It was so much fun. For those of you who have never seen them, at first glance they don’t appear as though they are the perfect couple “at all.” He was “way more glitzier” than she was. He was also very tall, while she was “quite short.” They were inseparable, though, and VERY friendly. We all had dinner together and the show came off “great.” I was saddened to hear that he died, and I have not heard much about Valerie Simpson since his death. I just know that this great songwriting duo left us a lot of great music for history. If you get the chance, I hope you can Google their music. I hope you don’t mind me sharing my experience with you today, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.

WWW.Brettjolly.com
Email: Brettjolly@aol.com
Skype: Brettjolly1

Ashford and Simpson and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: We were lovers, now she only wants to be friends)

Hey Mr. Jolly. I was told to ask you about my story. I was involved with this married lady. She was going through problems with her husband and according to her they were in the process of divorcing. We ended up having a one night stand and now she regrets that. We had some really deep conversations that were very intimate, but now she wants me to stop having those kinds of conversations with her. The problem is that our relationship has already been established and I don’t know if I can just change like that and pretend like she is now just my buddy. She said if I can’t change then we shouldn’t have a relationship or talk at all. Do you think that is fair? How can she expect anyone to change the way they have been?

It sounds to me as though she is reconciling her relationship with her husband (or at least considering it). She probably made a mistake in sleeping with you and now she wants to correct that mistake. We ALL make mistakes, but as long as she “continues” to keep any type of relationship with you then that is only compounding that mistake. She is probably hoping that you can now accept her just as a “friend,” which means no more intimate talk of any sexual nature. That hardly ever works with most men. You are correct when you say that she should not expect you to just change your behavior like that, especially after what you both have been through. However, if she wants to “right” her wrongs, then she needs to  just “totally” and “decisively” end her interaction with you. Her involvement with you is totally against her marriage, and trying to keep you as a platonic friend will only come back to haunt her at some future point. No woman would ever want her man associating with some woman he has had a previous sexual relationship with. What would make you believe that her husband would feel any differently? A married woman can tell you any story she wants you to hear, but just like with men, that doesn’t mean that what she says is “completely” true. If she is now mending fences with her husband then you need to accept the fact that she used you when she needed you. She may not view it that way, but unfortunately the facts speak for themselves. You have already disrespected her marriage, but that doesn’t give you the right to “continue” to do so. If you still want her, then you should allow her to “clear her closet” before attempting to talk to her again. If she is meant to be with you, then it will happen, but NOT while she is still married to her husband and feeling the way she does. Let her deal with her situation without “any” involvement from you, and make sure to give her all the space she needs. Sometimes we never know how much we love someone until we actually have the chance to “miss” that someone. You don’t need to be a home wrecker. Let her go and see if one day she “comes back.” Thank you for submitting your topic, and please have a great day.

 

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Legendary duo Ashford and Simpson and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Ex boyfriend stalker”)

Mr. Jolly, I really like to read your Daily Thought. You promote a lot of great topis and events. I have a problem that I would like your opinion on. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend because he was too controlling. Now he has become my stalker. Even though I blocked him on my Facebook page he is using other accounts to spy on me. He shows up to events that I am at even though I never told him that I was going to be there. He sends letters to my home and my friends keep telling me that he is trying to disguise himself to become their friends on Facebook so he can find out some of the things that I am doing. When I ended our relationship I told him that he was too possessive and controlling, but now he is still trying to keep tabs on my life. He has gotten physical with me before. I told him to stay away from me, but he keeps showing up. How should I view him and what should I do about him? I appreciate any information you can give. Thank you.

I think you should take his actions “very” seriously and contact your “local authorities.” Technically he has not broken any law “yet” but it may only be a matter of time before he does so. The best time to address his actions is “now” BEFORE  he does something drastic. People who are possessive have “major” problems accepting “rejection.” The fact that you broke up with him may be too much for him to take. Someone needs to step to him now and this is where the police can step in. You can get a restraining order against him (even though if he is as possessive as you say he is, this might make him even madder). However, if he is stalking you then chances are he is “already mad enough so you really wouldn’t have much to lose.” If a policeman goes to see him, then at least he will know that you “mean business.” Save the letters he has sent you, because you may need to use them later on as “evidence.” You may also need your friends as witnesses for some of the things he has been trying to pull.  Right now he is only doing this because he “feels” he can get away with it. He needs to know that he “can not.” If he got physical with you “one time” then that is already “one time too many.” Don’t think that if you ignore him that he will just “go away.” As long as “he knows” that the authorities are “on to him” then he will have no choice but to be cautious with his actions from this point on. If you get a restraining order and he breaks it, then you can have him thrown in jail immediately. Also, you should carry something for protection anyway (because there are a lot of stupid fools out here). My friend who is a police officer told me that pepper spray is “great” for women to use. Just make sure you spray in his direction and don’t let any of it get into your own eyes. When it comes to Facebook, you may want to use caution with some of the things you post. There are people who will govern your very life just “based on your Facebook posts alone.” They will even use the time of your posts to help pinpoint your activities, so you need to keep that in mind. Above all, never “just leave” outside your door. Always look out to see if there is “anything suspicious” around your neighborhood or any other place you go. Most women should do this anyway before venturing out. Good luck to you, and please keep us updated on the results. Thank you and have a great day.

 

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Ashford and Simpson and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily thought (Topic: Wife is no longer intimate)

Subject: wanting to go elsewhere for sex

 

I’ve been married for a very, very long time. She is the love of my life and my best friend. Even through tough times we’ve always come through with flying colors. We have three children. One is grown and gone, a teenager and a toddler. My problem is the lack of sex in our life. Either she is always too tired, or the famous “I have a headache”. I’ll love her forever – that will never change – but I need more from her. Would it be cheating if I just paid for sex from someone with no obligations?

 

Yes, it would. Any extramarital sex (with a member other than your spouse) would be considered cheating. You do have a problem, but it can probably be solved through counseling or going to a medical doctor. It is sometimes common for spouses to lose that feeling of intimacy after years of marriage. For her it might be a physical or mental condition that might not take a lot to remedy. You need to communicate with her and let her know first that you love her, and that you want to make her happy. You can ask her if there is anything that she might want YOU to do to help get her back in the mood. Open dialogue can make the difference in a happy marriage and “sex filled euphoria”. Once you start paying for gratification you open yourself up to a lot more than what you bargained for. Try to fix the problem at home before you bring in new problems from a broad (uh, sorry… I meant “abroad”). And until you can get her to open up more to you, then maybe you should try to love her more “mentally” for now. It could be the very first step in reclaiming the magic back in your marriage. Also, you might want to try doing something “different” like sending a little card or even writing her a personalized love song (sorry, cheap plug here, but just email me at Brettjolly@aol.com for details). Try different approaches, but be consistent in showing your love for her. Don’t settle for failure… MAKE it work…. And here is the Phantom Poet to take this concept way out of proportion:

 

I truly love my wife, and for me she is the only one

But it is getting real frustrating because she ain’t giving up none

When it comes to getting intimate, she gets headaches or she tires

It’s only a matter of time before my penis warranty expires

I wish we could come up with a way to resolve this plight

Seems I have to wrestle with my own member just about every night

All it really takes is some tender loving care

To help me relinquish all the tension down there

Especially during those moments when we have time to kill

If you don’t feel like working hard, then you can just lay still

You’re my wife, and you’re supposed to be there when love beckons

Besides, you KNOW this ain’t gonna last no more then thirty seconds

YOU are the woman I married so for my needs you are the one

For us it is a simple formula: “In… Out… Done!”

I’m not trying to upset you, and I certainly don’t want to cause flack

But baby, you should be tired of constantly getting poked in the back

Because we are not intimate much, I just do my best to contain, so

You know to understand that right now I’m a walking volcano

I’ve heard of saving energy, but we don’t need THIS type of conservation

You can provide in-house service or I’ll even accept an “oral” dissertation

It really doesn’t take much to keep me satisfied

And I really love the love that only you provide

So if you want me to remain faithful, you need to act like you know

Because soon you may hear stories about me and some crack ho

I’d like for you, my wife, to give and for me to get

So that I can remain a good husband whenever I want my needs to be met

 

From the “throbbing” files of the Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at BrettJolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (spelled with a hyphen (-) in the middle). You can also send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.

 

Ashford and Simpson and Brett Jolly performing onstage

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Hate crime)

In New Brunswick, New Jersey, a trial just ended that seemed to touch off a wave of controversy. A college student by the name of Dharun Ravi spied on his gay male roommate, Tyler Clementi via webcam while he was having a sexual encounter with his male lover. Once the word got out about it, Tyler became so distraught that he committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington bridge. For his actions, Ravi could have been sentenced to 10 years (“bias intimidation” being the most serious charge), but instead only got a mere 30 days. The varying factor was whether this case could have fallen under the jurisdictions of a “hate” crime. Many gay rights activists feel this sentence was much too lenient and there has been talk of an appeal. A couple of people asked my opinion on this subject, so I figured I would offer it on my Daily Thought page today. It is true that Ravi’s conduct was cold and inhumane. He sought to embarrass his roommate because of his sexual orientation. However, under this definition by law, that doesn’t necessarily qualify as a “hate” crime. Hate crimes usually involve some form of intimidation and that is the one element of this case that seemed to be lacking.  Most people agree that this kid should not have gotten the 10 year maximum, but that doesn’t mean that he should have gotten off so lightly with a 30 day sentence either. Now keep in mind that he has to also do probation, community work and pay $10,000 to a gay rights organization. I am a firm believer that jail should be the option for only those people who have “no hope” of being rehabilitated. This young boy was a college student with a bright future who committed his very first offense. As reprehensible as his actions were, he did NOT kill his roommate. Emotionally a lot of people want to see him pay for the death of Clementi, but there is no concrete law established for “embarrassing someone to death.” Some say that the wrong message is being sent when someone can do something like that and get off with such an easy sentence. I agree, but I don’t think 30 days will be easy for him to do by “any” means, especially if he is put in with the general population. While there are probably many calls for “his head on a platter” he already has to live the rest of his life knowing the influence his insensitivity had on another person’s life. That is not something easy to deal with. Yes, this man should be punished, but sometimes mental punishment can be much more devastating than any physical punishment. No matter what, the life of Tyler Clementi cannot be brought back and it would be a travesty to destroy two lives in the process. Until we can significantly clarify the legal definitions of “hate” then we all need to accept the meagerness of this punishment handed down. It may not feel right, but hopefully this will give us incentive to change the law. Either way, there are “no winners” in this case, and that is the biggest tragedy of all….

 

The legendary duo Ashford and Simpson in concert with Brett Jolly

 

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