Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Getting what you want out of a relationship)

Relationships are funny creatures. When we don’t have one then we’d love to get one. When we get one we often wonder why we got it in the first place. Then comes the other issue: what other people “think” you should do for “your” relationship. I have heard so many stories about relationships that struggle because the 2 people see (and want) different things. Two of the most prominent issues that effect relationships is “control” and “change.” A lot of us want control, but too much of this can take you out of relationship status into “slavery” if not done right. A lot of people want change (usually from their mate, but not so much when it comes to themselves). We “debate” over what the other person should do and most times fail to see any fault in ourselves. Does this make us wrong? No, not necessarily. No one is perfect. When you expect perfection from someone then you have unrealistic goals. I have found that that are a couple of elements necessary to keep a good relationship healthy. First, never rush to judgment. If you don’t know something, then don’t act as though you do. Find out ALL the facts before you get emotional over it. That should be fair to the both of you. Second, try not to rely so much on third parties. There are a lot of people who will tell you what they think you should do, even though they struggle in their own relationships. Third parties can include media like Instagram and Facebook. I have found that there are a “ton of opinions” online. Just because they are online doesn’t necessarily make them “true.” Third, think about the other person from time to time. There are benefits to allowing someone to have some “me” time. You might need some yourself. Don’t think that you have to control a person’s time each and every time they are free. A little space (as long as it doesn’t get crazy long) won’t hurt anyone. ¬†Fourth, know “when to argue.” If you are emotional and tired then debating something doesn’t make much sense (especially late at night). There is “absolutely nothing wrong” with saying we are both tired, irritable and not listening to each other, so let’s get a good night’s sleep and talk about it again tomorrow (when cooler heads prevail). Trying to “force” a fight only works against you. Know when to take a break. Many of us assume “it’s over” without even thinking about it fully. Relax, chill out and think about things before you act. Finally, keep in mind that there will always be obstacles in a relationship. If no one is perfect, then no relationship is perfect. Calmly try to figure things out instead of opting for the hard line. This could make a world of difference. I sincerely welcome anyone who disagrees with me. I am not perfect either… Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.

Wayne Brady (TV show “Let’s make a Deal”) in concert with Brett Jolly on bass guitar