Over the weekend I got a call from a male friend of mine who spilled out his heart to me. He truly and genuinely loved this woman to the point that he wants to marry her. My first question to him was “Why are you telling me and not reaching out to her yourself?” He responded by saying he can’t contact her because she has a protective order against him. “Instantly” this told me that there is a lot more to this story than what was being revealed. When I asked him what happened his response was very straight forward. He simply said, “I lost it.” Please keep in mind that from what I know of this guy his character has always been flawless. He is well known in the local community and helps people out who need it. On the surface he has a great heart. When I contacted the lady for him she mentioned the one word that I had absolutely no defense for, and that word was “violence.” When a man resorts to violence (or even threats of violence) should he deserve a second chance? I called this man back and talked to him for about 2 hours. When I talk to people I don’t necessarily listen for what they say. I listen out for “what they DON’T say (and how they don’t say it).” He didn’t seem to think that his actions were that bad. Even though he has been honoring the protective order against him physically he has still been trying to contact her indirectly through friends and texts. He claimed to love her more than anything. I simply let him know that right now his love for her is turning into “obsession” and that he really has to move on. The person that he showed her that day “scared her” and as long as he continues to try to reach out to her the more he is going to scare her. I understand fully how some men are. When they realize that they are about to lose someone they really care about they often can’t handle the reality of it. When a relationship crosses over into a physical abuse realm that is dangerous. When I talked to this guy I had to put things in the right perspective. I asked him if his daughter had gone through the same exact situation how would he view it? He felt that was a loaded question but he admitted that as a father he would be ready to kill the guy. I thanked him for giving me an honest answer and I told him that is the exact reason why this woman is scared of you now. I told him the “only” thing that could heal this for him is time. If it is meant to be, then they will get back together again. If not, then be prepared to “move on.” In the end of the conversation he thanked me for helping him to see what he needed to see, and he assured me that he would leave her alone at this point. Men need to understand that as long as you can “outrun” a woman then that is all you need. Violence can never be condoned, and if you cannot control yourself then you need to get help. My friend was lucky, but there are many men in prison now who couldn’t handle themselves. Today’s Daily Thought is for all those who are left. NEVER resort to violence against a woman. It is inexcusable and you risk the chance of losing everything. Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Teddy Pendergrass in concert with Brett Jolly on bass guitar