Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (“Living together vs. marriage”)

I recently had a discussion about a real life couple who fell in love and are now living together. They started living together less than a year ago. They are a young couple but they are still managing to hold everything together so far. When people talk about their situation most seem to be split on whether this couple should have gotten married first or not. While marriage is considered the “Godly” thing to do is it the most practical? Many marriages have ended up in divorce because couples got hitched when they really weren’t ready yet. Aside from the religious (and contractual) aspect of it what are the other benefits to getting married? For many women it is seems like a form of solidarity in a relationship. In essence they both “own” each other. If one decides to leave then there are legal actions that can be taken. On the other hand, if a couple stays together long enough without being married, wouldn’t the same principles apply? I believe there are a handful of states out there that acknowledge common-law marriages, but for those that don’t there still may be legal remedies for separation. What are the benefits from living together first? Well, you would get the experience of knowing whether or not you are compatible without being held contractually liable. There is less pressure to enjoy each other. Basically you get to “sample” what married life is really about. During the beginning stages of every relationship is usually when things are at their best. However, the “true side of everyone comes out in time.” For any relationship that has the intentions of going the long term distance both parties need to realize that the person you start out with will NOT be the same person you end up with. If you stay ¬†together long enough everyone goes through changes, both physically and mentally. A lot of couples who get together to form a relationship can’t think that far ahead so when these changes actually do occur they are not prepared to deal with them. According to studies, about 40 to 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce. Is living together first a viable solution to getting married? Some studies have said that it depends less on living together first and more on the “maturity level” of the couples. When you start a relationship young the chances of staying together don’t seem as strong. When a couple waits until they are older (or more mature) then that could have a stronger impact. Either way, people are still living together more now than ever. There are even predictions that the whole institution of marriage will one day become “extinct.” The real question is whether or not this will help relationships last longer.I guess time will tell. Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.


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Jerry Butler in concert with Brett Jolly on bass guitar


Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (“A good day”)

There is some validity to the term “getting up on the wrong side of the bed.” We know that every day can’t be great, but sometimes it’s how we approach the day from the beginning that makes the difference. I believe that you can bring about negative energies as well as positive energies just by the attitude you have when you first wake up. Just to be able to wake up should be a blessing for anyone, because that is not always guaranteed. When most people anticipate the bad happening, they usually get it. When you have the demeanor that life is good and you are going to make the most of it, then life will seem sunnier. I would never tell people to “fake a smile” each day, because that would not seem natural. However, in order to get positive energy out of life I think it is imperative to invest positive energy into it. Accidents happen, people die and some get hurt every day. As much as we want to have control over things like that we have to realize that it’s not up to us. We do have the power to be a positive light for others though. Just to say “Good morning” might make someone else’s day. Smiles can be contagious when you dish them out. Whenever I am confronted by someone who is down on his or her luck and in need I usually give them money. It may not be a lot of money (Here in Philadelphia we have a LOT of people in need) but for those who are truly lacking they appreciate anything they can get. Life is precious, and it should be valued. If you are unhappy with your own life, I simply suggest that you “change whatever you can” so that you CAN become happy. You only get one shot at this. Why not put your best foot forward? I realize that for many this is “easier said than done.” Their circumstances may not be suitable for being happy. If you can’t change your circumstances, then change your outlook to those circumstances. You may find that it might make the “biggest difference” in your life. Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.


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The late great jazz saxophonist Grover Washington Jr, brother Bill Jolly and Brett Jolly


Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (“Chuck Berry”)

The “father of rock and roll” died Saturday at the age of 90. Chuck Berry, the Black entertainer who was a major influence for a lot big white name acts (like the Beatles) passed away from natural causes. I never worked with Chuck, but I talked to people who did. Chuck was a rebel, and he had demons. Lots of them. It is amazing that he didn’t spend his entire life in prison for some of the things he did. His showmanship was exemplary. He could do a split onstage while playing, mimicking a sex act with his guitar and getting away with it during an era that wasn’t as free minded as today’s. As great as Chuck was, he was also deviant in many ways. To save money he would often find a group of freelance guys to play with in each city he traveled to. That would save him the cost of having to transport his band and pay for lodging and food. Many of the guys he played with he would meet onstage just before the show was about to go on. Some of his shows suffered because of that as well, because not all of his musicians were top quality. I also talked to someone who had an experience with Chuck. He told me that Chuck would wait until the day of the gig and then tell the promoter that he needed a “very special type of amplifier” for his show. However, the type of amplifier he needed was “so rare that only two models of it were ever created.” Of course, Chuck told the promoter that if he had to play without that special amp then it would cost them an “additional five thousand dollars.” Through the years Chuck got into “lots” of trouble. He had tax problems (he later admitted his wrongdoings, but said that the government was only 85 percent right on the amount). He also had issues with drugs. However, Chuck was also a huge pervert. He transported a 14 year old prostitute from Mexico here to the United States. Then later on in his career he had “cameras installed in a “women’s restroom” so that he could film women during personal moments. Considering all of this I find it amazing that he managed to live 90 years “without someone shooting him.” Regardless of his personal life Chuck became an icon for rock and roll music. He was never good for hiding his anger and his life would make for “one very interesting movie.” Just Google his name if you want to find out more about him. He is one prime example of the “good and bad” in the entertainment industry.” Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (“When people want to come back into your life”)

I think just about everyone will at some point in their lives get “the call.” That call is usually from an “ex” of some kind who just wants to have a brief friendly conversation with you (that somehow never turns out to be “brief”). Normally as the conversation goes on they want to talk about the “good times” that you both had together, and if you still manage to stay on the phone with this person long enough then at some point you know you will get “the pitch.” That is when you hear the line “I have missed you.” Keep in mind that this thought “never existed” during the time you both were “angry and breaking up.” Why is it that people realize how nice you were right after the relationship is over and you’re gone? Usually those same conditions that caused your breakup in the first place have not changed, but yet somehow this person feels that dealing with those same conditions will be “much better the second time around.” The truth of the matter is that ¬†“without change” you are subject to having history repeat itself and you would only be “reigniting an explosive situation all over again.” I do admit that some people can change for the better. Some people “can and do” learn from their mistakes. However, when you automatically know there is no change in this person, do you dare go back to the same circumstances that caused you so much stress before? Usually “ex’s” because ex’s for a reason… Once you take this person back then people will look at you as though you are “crazy.” The sad part is that they just might “be right.” If someone throws a brick at you and hits you in the head that would be wrong on their part. However, if you decide to give that person another brick to throw at you (after being hit already once), then you are the one who is at fault. How many bricks would it take for you to realize this is NOT a very sound idea? Many people do not always do what we know to be right. That shouldn’t mean that we continue to strive to do wrong. Before taking anyone back in your life, ask yourself if there is “anything significantly different” about this person. If you can’t find any type of reasonable change, then you might want to strongly reconsider any type of reunification. You can do bad all by yourself, and you know that. If you can’t make someone happy, there’s no sense in making the both of your miserable. Find joy with yourself until the right one comes along, and never settle for anything that won’t love you back… Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.


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Teddy Pendergass in concert with Brett Jolly on bass