I talked to someone the other day who had a relationship that just seemed peculiar. She was with a man who treated her horribly, often disappearing for days. Whenever he was there he hardly paid her any attention and didn’t want to do anything for her. The love and sex were long gone. They were married, but it seemed as though that was only “on paper.” I asked her if she had any other options and she said that she did, but she had not taken advantage of them yet. I told her that the worst thing she could do was to stay in a dreadful situation “in hopes that things will just change by themselves.” I told her that if she truly valued herself then she wouldn’t put herself through all this turmoil. She has the power to make change. Why do people continue to stay with those who no longer want them anymore? I figure that a part of it is the actual “fear of change itself.” Somehow people think that by altering their circumstances things may actually get “worse.” In most of these situations they have already hit “rock bottom and things can’t get any worse.” Others seem to fear the concept of “failure.” Their prides take a big hit when they have to admit to friends that they “screwed up.” When at first you are bragging to friends about how great your relationship is, the worse thing is having to admit to them that you made a mistake this time. These are all the “wrong” reasons to stay in a bad relationship. When you stay with someone because you feel “obligated” you are only contributing to your own frustration and depression. When this happens you are just succeeding in making “two” people unhappy. I admire those who continue to try to make it work. By all means you should do so. However, after you have exhausted “all options” then you “already know” the answer. I always say that if you can’t make someone happy there is no use in making the both of you miserable. In any relationship you need to make assessments. If it is worth your time and effort, then by all means continue to give it your best. When things change drastically and there is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel then it’s time to dig your way out. The greatest love relationship you can have is your “love for yourself.” When someone makes you neglect your own self love then that should be considered a “bright red flag.” You deserve better, and you already know it. When things go horribly bad, just “do you… and do you well…” Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Freddie Jackson in concert with Brett Jolly on bass