A female vocalist friend of mine has been so distraught over the past few weeks. The man she was involved with not only dumped her (without even letting her know) but he also brought his new younger girlfriend to our show and and sat intimately with her right in front of the singer’s face. My singer friend was so upset about it that she decided to confront the younger girl and spill out all sorts of details in anger. The guy didn’t really show much emotion and didn’t seem to care about her feelings at all. Please keep in mind that I know there are 2 sides to every drama related issue and all participants in this scene were actually friends of mine. I don’t know his side and I had no intentions of asking him about it. Needless to say, the singer friend of mine was really devastated by this and she has been trying to cope with it ever since. Recently she told me that the guy and the girl went to a fancy hotel together and put up pictures on Facebook. I asked her why she was even checking out the pictures and she said “Because they obviously wanted me to see them.” At that point I had to sit her down and talk reality to her. I told her that the way things happened didn’t seem right and that things possibly could have been done in a more respectable way, but some people just don’t have those humane traits in them. I also told her that if he was the type to do this to you now, then you should be glad that you found out about him sooner rather than later. I also let her know that he actually did her a favor by showing his true colors now rather than down the road. Then I let her know that when he did what he did, he had hurt her, but now by checking over his page she was only hurting herself. She needed to block them both, and when I asked her why she didn’t do so she couldn’t give me a good answer. Sometimes you can learn more from what people “don’t say and how they don’t say it.” I said that the more you focus on them the more you will contribute to your own unhappiness. You will never be able to see any of the good things ahead of you if you keep looking over your shoulders at the past. The very FIRST step in moving on with your life involves doing a very simple thing. She asked me what that thing was. I said, “You need to forgive them both.” Then I told her what she needed to do next was to block the both of them on Facebook (so she wouldn’t have to see any of their activities) and lastly she needed to “change something” about herself. NEVER stay the same person after you break up with someone. When your ex sees later on that you have improved yourself it will have far more of an effect than if you stay the same. Obviously she was distraught over what happened, but at this point she really needed to just “let it go.” I can tell that for her it is “easier said than done” but the first journey in life always starts with the first step. She thanked me for saying what I said and she told me that I was right. I told her it’s not about right or wrong, but about what you feel inside. Once she forgives them she can begin to heal. Let’s hope for the best. Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Brett Jolly with actress Gabrielle Union