I was talking to someone recently who admitted she was in a good relationship. She loved her man but she admitted that she checks up on him a lot to monitor his activity. She also said that her man told her that this was bothering him, but that has not stopped her yet. She will call him and if he doesn’t answer or return her calls in a timely matter she will continue to repeat call. She will “time” most of his events and if he is late she will ask him why. She said that she felt a man should simply want to divulge everything he is doing, otherwise he must be hiding something. I told her that in relationships that you should at least give the benefit of the doubt to your partner (unless you have already actually caught your partner doing something wrong in the relationship). Most men….no, let’s make that “most people” do not like to be controlled, stalked or monitored like that. It is one thing to want to divulge your information. It is another when you are “expected” to do so. From what this woman said she is in a good relationship, but they are having troubles getting past certain hurdles. According to her, he feels she is trying to make him “henpecked.” She, on the other hand, has trust issues each time she cannot reach him. How can they resolve this? The first thing is to realize that “people are who and what they are.” If that sounds confusing (and it probably does) I am saying that it is always best to “recognize people for who they are” instead of trying to make them into “what you want them to be.” Some people just can’t be changed and if you know you are doing something that your partner doesn’t like, then you are only feeding negativity into your relationship every time you continue to do it. When you feel that your partner doesn’t trust you no matter what then the relationship is robbed of the closeness it needs to grow. No one is perfect. Most couples will encounter arguments (or disagreements if that is what you wish to call them). The main thing when it comes to handling disagreements is “timing.” If one (or both) of you is tired, frustrated, hungry or having a tough day, then that would “NOT” be the ideal time to engage in a long negative conversations concerning disagreements. When you try to force that issue it may never seem to get resolved. Also, there is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree, meaning that it is okay to have differences, as long as you don’t let it have an effect on your love for each other. Finally, there is no need to keep a “short leash” on your partner. When you expect accountability for everything it can actually push you further away rather than bring you closer together. I told this woman that she needed to give her man a little leeway with more trust and faith if he hasn’t done anything wrong to her. Recognizing that people are who they are, she probably didn’t listen (and probably won’t). If I could talk to her man, I would tell him that his woman feels that way for some reason, and if he hasn’t done anything wrong then he needs to find out what that reason really is. It could be from past experiences she has had in relationships. Couple usually know what the problems are, and even though it may be meaningless to try to “change the unchangeable” you still need to come up with a resolution for your issues. Learning each other better is a great start. As long as you know what you have to deal with, then it should be an easier task. Also, remember that “tomorrow is a new day” so you don’t have to bring the baggage from yesterday into the present. We all need “second chances.” Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Verdine White (from Earth, Wind and Fire on the right) and Brett Jolly