I just recently heard a true story about a couple who was once married but eventually divorced. Under normal circumstances that wouldn’t seem peculiar at all but it is what happened “after” their divorce that raised eyebrows. With this relationship the man left his wife for “another man.” The funny part is that now the couple is friendlier than ever and the man often brings his new male lover with him to visit his ex. The question here is an intriguing one: If you broke up with your lover/partner how well could you accept the fact if he (or she) became a homosexual? In this situation all parties are now good with each other, but how would you deal with the fact that someone left you for someone of a different sex? I tried to think about it, and even though I believe over time I would eventually accept it I know it wouldn’t be easy sat first. Most men have egos, and it would would be a “big hit” to your confidence if your woman left you for another woman. It might be easier for a woman to make that adjustment (but that is not always a guarantee either). I think that sometimes people are not sure of who and what they are, and that is when they may “sway themselves” toward trying out the “other side.” I play in Rehoboth beach, Delaware, from time to time (which is a largely gay community) and one day I decided to “interview” some of the women there. They were more than happy to talk to me and let me know the myths and the truths about what they are. A lot of them started out in heterosexual relationships and some were even married before. Of course, the marriages didn’t last and that was when they decided to go into another direction. I asked them if it was their men’s fault for making them switch over to homosexuality. Just about all of them said the men may have played a role in the deterioration of the relationships, but they “went gay” just because they discovered “that was what they truly are.” I asked them what is the myth that most people have about gay people and they said that most people view homosexuality as a “choice.” These women said that they were “made this way” and they can’t help what they are. They also said that being gay was “not a curse.” Pastors preach against them but they were quick to note that God made them what they are. They ended up by saying that it doesn’t matter if people never understand them as long as they are accepted. These women enlightened me to some things and I am glad I had the talk with them. They seemed to accept their ways and they to view the world in a “very real light.” They seemed to be more interested in people’s acknowledgement as opposed to people’s acceptance. I remember playing for a couple of gay weddings and while I may have felt somewhat uncomfortable at first I eventually “got acclimated” to it. Slowly but surely it is becoming more acceptable and there seems to be less of a need for people to “hide it now.” As for the folks who talk against them, they realize that there are many people who will always condemn what they don’t understand. We are all human and everyone is different in their own right. I just wish that we all could get used to that… Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought, and as always I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Brett Jolly, Wynton Marsalis and keyboardist Stan Brisbon