I talked to a friend of mine the other day who said that it was “over” between him and his lady. In fact, he was so sure of it that he even started selling some of his belongings in contemplation of separation. He seemed distraught over it. I asked him if he had ever experienced anything like this with her before. He said that they had several fights before and had threatened to break up then as well. I then asked him what the difference was this time. He said that they had not talked in a while even though she did call him yesterday. I then asked him how the telephone conversation went, and he said that when she called they had yet “another” disagreement. i told him that if she was truly through with him then why would she even bother to call? Even though the conversation ended up in yet another disagreement, there had to be “some” reason for the other party to “reach out.” I let him know that conversations will say one thing, but “actions” will often convey another. When a lover is through with you, then there “really” is no need to argue again. When you’ve had it, you’ve had it… So “when” is the relationship “fully over?” The answer is “When there is truly nothing left to even talk about.” It makes no sense to argue “pointlessly.” If you already “know” the fight is going to go nowhere, then you are only prolonging the situation because in your mind and heart you truly “don’t” want it to end just yet. When you think and speak through emotion this is something that can “often” happen. When you love and miss someone, rarely do people “break all ties.” Also, no matter how much people think they can do it, you can”t just “turn off your heart.” You can deny it to everyone else, but you can’t deny it to yourself if you are “still in love.” Yes, I believe there is a big difference between what people say and what they mean. You can rely on the verbal message, but often communication is “more than just language.” If you love someone so much that you actually “hate him or her” then it might be beneficial to “let your emotions simmer down” before trying to push any issue, because if you try to force it you just might end up doing “more damage than good.” Sometimes it might make better sense to look “beyond” the surface when it comes to your relationship. If you can manage to at least see your partner’s “point of view” then you at least have the means to a possible reconciliation. It is also urgent to “correct all behavior that derailed your relationship in the first place, or else you will only be “repeating” your fate all over again. SOMETHING needs to be “different” this time. If both parties are willing to at least sacrifice this time, then you may just have a chance. My friend seemed to appreciate my words and he said that he “hopes” there is still a chance. I just told him that if he truly wants to get back with her, then he needs to show her “someone she has never seen before.” He stood quietly, grinned a little bit and said to me, “You know? You’re right.” I wish him well, and the same can be said for anyone else who is going through a strained relationship. You may think it is done, but the truth of the matter is that it is NEVER over… until it’s “over.” Thank you for checking out my Daily Thought today, and as always, I wish you the very best that life has to offer. Please make it a great one.
Regina Belle and Brett Jolly