Ever hear the saying that “Love is blind?” Well, I have news for you: Sometimes love is “blind, deaf AND dumb.” Many of us already know that “no one” is perfect, and yet we “still” often “expect” perfection from our lovers. We often fail to realize that certain “traits” are innate and well defined within our partners and that no matter how much we “want” to change the ones we are with it is NOT always a guarantee. If you have a lover who cannot spend money wisely, has anger management issues, or is always lazy, then you have someone that is probably “in need of change.” The question is, “Do you really think you can invoke that change, and at what point do you begin to realize that this is “just who or what” he or she is? Recognizing your lover is important, because when you go into a relationship with the concept that “I can make him or her change later” or “I can LEARN to love his or her faults” then you may often find that you are only “misleading yourself.” First off, EVERYONE has “disagreements” (I don’t want to say “fights,” but disagreements has a much better sound to it). Couples disagree over how they should think, what they should do and what they are “supposed” to do. You want to rectify the problems you have and when you discuss them it is usually done in “hopes” of “initiating change.” However, even though your lover can admit fault, accept blame and WILLINGLY offer to make change, it doesn’t necessarily mean that “change is going to happen.” It doesn’t mean that your lover is a “bad or evil” person either. We ALL make mistakes, and when it comes to them I think the most important thing is how you “recover” from them. If you have a relationship that has lasted long enough then chances are “incredibly great” that at “some” point your lover will do something that will just “totally tick you off.” It could be over something major or it could be from a small mistake. Love is not derived from “making change” but rather in “accepting” your lover “as is.” While that may seem extremely difficult to do at times, there is really “no other way around this.” For example, if you have one of those “Facebook Lovers” (You know what I am talking about: These people govern their lives and “your” life from what they derive from Facebook) then you can try to implement change (knowing fully well that is probably “not” gonna happen) or you can just accept the circumstances for what they are. If you have someone that needs to monitor each and every move you make (and time you while doing so) then chances are that trying to somehow alter that behavior may be an uphill battle as well. No one is perfect, including you. Trust is important, but sometimes we need to admit that trust has to be “earned.” I am a firm believer that “mistrust” needs to be earned as well. If someone has done no wrong, then there should be “no” reason to “mistrust.” Above all, “acceptance” is “key.” If your lover “walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck,” then there is no reason to view him or her as a “cute puppy.” A great relationship starts from “knowing” what you have and recognizing that there will be “bumps” along the road. Hope your day is great, and have an awesome weekend.
Gabrielle Union and Brett Jolly