I recently had a talk with a friend of mine who is “happily” married and plans on “keeping it that way.” However, he did mention to me that he “knows” his wife will go through his pockets and “anything” personal he has periodically just to satisfy any suspicions she may have about him. He said that she has “found absolutely nothing” because he has “done absolutely nothing wrong.” He feels his wife has “NO” reason to mistrust him, but yet he still knows that she will violate his privacy anyway. He then asked me if it is a “woman’s right” to go through all her husband’s belongings, and even spy on him to make sure he stays “committed” to her. I told him that if you can’t trust someone, then you should not “marry” that someone. Now, if he had already “done” something wrong “previously” that made his spouse mistrust him then those actions are perfectly “understandable.” However, if a husband or wife goes through all this just because of their own insecurities then that that can be a recipe for disaster. The truth is that if someone wants to cheat bad enough then there probably isn’t much you can do to stop it from happening. Sometimes having “too much” of a suspicious nature can actually “drive” your lover to cheat. For instance, you lover might say something like “She’s going to accuse me of cheating anyway, so I might as well do it.” As ridiculous as that sounds, I have heard people use that logic before. Marriage is not just physical… It should be the “mental and spiritual” bonding of two people. How can you bond with someone if you continually lose faith in him or her? Granted, we all are human, and we all are subject to mistakes, temptation and deviation, but that doesn’t mean that every individual alive “gives in” to those demons. If you have no reason to “mistrust” your mate, then by all means “give the benefit of the doubt” to him or her until “proven otherwise.” When you go through your lovers pockets and belongings it looks and feels bad, plus it also “cheapens your own value.” You are worth a lot more than that, and you should “never” have to monitor, supervise, control, dominate or give ultimatums to the one you love. Of course, some of us have been hurt by past relationships where their partners cheated, and that is understandable. However, in order to love someone new, you have to release the bad memories and feelings of someone old. “NO ONE” should have to pay the price for a previously bad lover. I told my friend that if his wife is set in her ways, just accept it for now. One day she will get tired of trying to find dirt on him and then recognize that she actually has a great husband. At some point the truth always comes out, even if we are not ready to “face” it. “Love and trust” need to go together, and if it can’t, then it is no longer “love.” I also told him that there are things “he” can do as well to help win that trust from her. However, if he is indeed being faithful, then that is the number “one” way to prove it. Love is never perfect, but it is still love. Hope your world is awesome today, and please have a great one.
Singer Ashanti and Brett Jolly onstage