Dear Mr. Jolly, I have been dating this man for a couple of weeks. I have been taking things very slow with him and now I am finding out that I am glad I did. The other day we got into an interesting conversation about sex, and when he told me the things that he likes it almost made me sick. I can’t believe he would even stoop to that level just for sexual satisfaction. I am not that way at all and I don’t think we can be a match in a relationship if that is the way he thinks. I know he can tell that I was repulsed by what he said. Other than that, he seemed like a nice guy. It’s obvious we are not compatible sexually, so should I just forget about him and end this relationship before it gets to the next level?
When it comes to sexual compatibility, you will find that “most” people have “unique” tastes. Some people like more compassion while others may like more physicality. Certain acts might turn people on while those same acts can seem offensive to others. To a great degree, everyone is diverse… There was nothing wrong in him divulging to you what his sexual appetite was, and if he was only being honest with you then I don’t see any harm in that. However, relationships depend on compatibility and “communication” so even though he might like those risque things, it doesn’t mean that he may not be willing to sacrifice those things in order to be with you. “Rarely” are couples absolute “perfect” matches for each other, and most times there needs to be some compromise “somewhere” in order to make a relationship work. If what he said to you doesn’t work, then by all means “tell” him so. You are still early in the dating stages (and usually dating is done to find out just how compatible you are) so if it breaks up from here then you shouldn’t lose a lot that you may have invested in him. Most times a sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but please keep in mind that it should be considered only the “icing on the cake.” Never confuse it for the “entire” cake. His desires may seem “out there” to you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to compromise your values for him. “Never settle” for less than what you feel you deserve, but make sure to “communicate” your feelings to see where you can go “from here.” If the relationship “doesn’t feel right” then do not attempt going to that next level” until it does.” MANY people form relationships thinking that they can just “change their partner” later on down the road. That trick “never” works… Don’t be afraid to see him for “who he is” rather than “what you want him to be” and go from there. If it doesn’t work, then so be it. Good luck to you, and I wish you the best with this situation.
Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly in concert