Yesterday was Mother’s Day and each year on this date most of us usually pay tribute to and honor “mothers.” It is something that in reality should be done everyday, for we would cease to exist without them. But what about those who have lost their mothers? No one lives forever, and if we are lucky to live long enough, chances are that the life cycle of our parents will expire before ours does. Over the weekend, I talked with someone who had lost her mother recently, and now Mother’s Day has an entirely different meaning for her. How does one handle a special occasion like Mother’s Day when the mother is no longer on this realm? Since I lost my own mother back in 2004, I know how it feels, and I tried to advise the best way I could. Even though a lot of us take life for granted, still “no one” lives forever. Just like our lives grow stronger as we grow from youth it also grows weaker during our “declining” years. When you lose a parent, there is often pain, anguish and depression. It is natural to miss a parent, but that doesn’t mean that the hurt has to dominate you forever. The best thing anyone can do is to just focus on the good memories that you have with that parent, because as long as you still have those memories then in essence she is “never” gone… She will always be inside of you, making you smile and helping you get through your day. Also, you need to think like your parent would think. Do you believe your loved one would want you to hurt over her circumstances, or do you believe she would want you to continue living your life and finding happiness? In other words, if your deceased mother were here right now, what would she tell you to do? If you don’t know, then the answer is easy to find out. Just imagine what “you” would say to your own family and friends if you died but were able to still communicate with family. Studies have shown that most terminally ill people are more concerned with the “loved ones” they “leave behind” rather than their own fate. Many are resolved to the fact that their time on this earth is limited, and it is the thought of how the loved ones we leave behind will react that often has the biggest impact. It is important for them to know that they can make the transition “without” the burden of feeling your grief. They need to be able to “let go” and as long as you have accepted the face that it is “time” then that makes their transition much “easier.” I am not saying that you shouldn’t grieve over the loss of your mother… We ALL should… but it is important to not let your grieving continually “overwhelm” you…. Your deceased mother would not want that, and neither should you. Whether you want to accept it or not, life “must” go on… I had to learn that lesson for myself… and while the pain never “fully” goes away, I can at least come to grips with the fact that I loved her, and that was “more” than enough… For all the people who had to celebrate Mother’s Day “without” your mothers, I hope the memories you had were enough to sustain you throughout the day. “Everything” must change… but your love for your mother doesn’t have to at “all.” Have a great day, and I hope I managed to instill something “positive” in your day. Take care..
Dionne Warwick and Brett Jolly in concert