Mr. Jolly, I would love to know why there is such a double standard when it comes to relationships. If a man has been with many women, he is often admired as being some kind of king stud, whereas if a woman has had a lot of male partners, she is often called that “h” word that has a lot of “o’s” in the middle. Why should a woman save her virginity for the right man in her life when chances are that man will cheat on her with other women anyway? Us women are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Men are liars and cheaters, and no matter what we do it won’t stop them from playing the field anyway. If it sounds like I am angry it is because I am. I will wait to see how you respond to this.
I can feel the frustration in your words, and I do understand where you are coming from. It sounds as though you have had some really bad experiences that seem to have tainted your feelings towards men. While your pain is probably justified, it is still unfair to label ALL men based on your experiences with only a few. The ones you were involved with may have done you wrong, but their actions should not speak for ALL men. I can pretty much assure you that there is some man out there right now who wishes he could find a woman that will accept him as a good man, because there are many women who will turn a man down because of his lack of height, his occupation or his money situation. You cannot change the past, but you can surely “learn” from it. Maybe you need to handle things differently. Maybe you need to learn more about the men you are dating before you get intimate with them. I am not saying that you are promiscuous at all, but your words make it sound as though you gave up “something” to a man you believed in only to get “hurt” in the process. Yes, women are often unfairly tagged, and a man will label based on what you “do” and what you “don’t do.” You should not worry about what a man thinks of you. You should concentrate more on what you “think of yourself.” As long as you feel you are doing what is best for your “own” integrity then who cares what some man thinks? I do believe you need to take some time out to ease your anger, because your anger has you seeing things in a “one sided” way. It will be tough to develop feelings for another man when you still carry around the baggage, hurt and pain from your past relationships. What’s done is done. Let it go and find happiness within yourself. Your life is not over and you have everything in the world to feel blessed about. This is not an ending, but rather a new beginning for you. As long as you respect yourself, then men will have no other choice but to respect you as well. Sever the past from your thoughts and learn from your experiences, and I guarantee that will help you to find that right man in your life. He “is” out there, but it is up to “you” to recognize him. Don’t let your hatred blind you to the “truth.” Good luck to you, and I wish you the very best that life has to offer.
Verdine White (from Earth, Wind and Fire) and Brett Jolly