Dear Mr. Jolly. I little while ago I decided to get buffed up. I am a woman and I would like to be a professional woman bodybuilder. I am also married and my husband has told me that he doesn’t want for me to be too well developed, but if I am going to win any bodybuilding contests I need to be in the best shape that I can be. I lift weights and do all sorts of exercises and I stay in the gym. My husband has been telling me lately that I am starting to look like a man. I would think that men would love for their women to be in the perfect shape. Bodybuilding is a great pastime for me and I love doing it. My husband took a marriage vow to love me through all obstacles, so why can’t he just accept me the way I am going to be? Wouldn’t most men crave a bodybuilder woman?
I am not too sure about this one. For me personally, I would prefer a woman who is “feminine” looking. If she is naturally stronger than me then I won’t mind it, but I surely would not want her to “look” it. I have seen pictures of some women bodybuilders and I have to honestly say that some do not “turn me on” that way. If it makes a difference, I have known of several woman who said they would NOT want a body builder man. I even heard one woman say that she would never want a man whose chest was more developed than hers. While bodybuilding may be a fun thing for you, it sounds as though this could possibly strain your marriage. Most men that I know of are NOT into bodybuilding women. Since men are usually more “visible” creatures than women your decision could possibly have a major impact on him. Yes, he should still love you through it all, but love (at least the physical aspect of it) can wear off quickly if the “attraction” is no longer there. When you are attracted to someone, that can only come from what “appeals” to you. If it is no longer appealing, then there is no longer any attraction. Did you talk to your husband or ask him about this before you decided to take it on? We ALL change through life… No one stays the same. The person we start out with when we get married is never guaranteed to be the person you end up with. I guess the best way to put this in perspective would be to imagine if the shoe were on the other foot. If your husband decided to change his image in “any” way that you didn’t like, would you speak up or would you just accept anything he decided to do? One day he could show up with a mo hawk haircut (I am making the assumption that he does not have one now) or he could do something else that you just don’t like “without” your permission. Would you be willing to just accept “any” change of image from your husband? Think carefully before you answer this one. While spouses should love each other for their minds, it is often very difficult to separate the bodies “from” the minds. The best way to handle this is to communicate with your husband, and at least be willing to try to “understand” his side. He may actually love you even more after he witnesses the final product, but you need to make him feel secure about what you are trying to do. Hear him out, and hopefully the both of you can “grow together.” Good luck to you and I wish you the best.
Sheldon Reynolds (formerly of Earth, Wind and Fire), James Ingram, Brett Jolly, and Johnnie Croom (formerly of Boyz II Men)