Mr. Jolly, my new wife and I are doing good, but there seems to be a problem. We have been married for 6 months but she is already telling me that I should not have any female friends at all other than her. I can honestly say that I have had female friends throughout my life that I have never been intimate with and never crossed that line with in any way. They are only friends. Some of them I even invited to my wedding. I do want my wife to feel secure, but this feels rather extreme for me. When a man gets married, does that mean that he has to give up being friends with all the other women he has been friends with?
There are several ways to look at this. If your wife had a lot of male friends, would it bother you if she still kept them as friends after your marriage? I always say that when it comes to relationships, what’s good for one is good for “every” one… If she has any male friends that she is still in contact with, then your situation should equal hers. To me the biggest issue here is the actual “definition” of friends…. A “friend” needs to be someone that your wife should also know personally (even though that can often be misleading as well). If your “friends” are people that your wife cannot meet or “know of” (for whatever reason) then she has every right to feel suspicious. When you get married you are essentially “one” unit, so you should be willing to share everything. Your wife will probably change her mind about your female friends once you “introduce” her to them. Most women can tell if another woman is really just a friend or a threat. It is up to you to make her “feel comfortable” with your friends. If you cannot do that, then your female friends need to go. Of course, that also goes for her as well if she plans to hold onto any of her male friends. Personally, I do not believe that when you get married you have to give up all your friends of the opposite sex. I do believe that you have to give up all acts of infidelity, though. As long as you honor your marriage and matrimonial commitment, I honestly don’t think there should be any problems. With any marriage, you need to work out the details with your spouse, preferably “before” you say “I do.” Placing stipulations after the fact can often appear “demanding and controlling.” As usual, good communication should always make a difference. Good luck to you and I wish you and your wife the very best.
Actress Gabrielle Union and Brett Jolly