Dear Mr. Jolly. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and everything is good. However, he likes to play basketball with his friends and I think that he needs to give the silly game up. He often gets hurt playing and it takes away from time that could be spent with me. He says that it is a “man thing” and that he loves the sport, but at this stage of his life shouldn’t he be loving me more? Am I supposed to just sit around waiting for him to come home all the time while he is working himself up? He tells me that I am commanding a lot of attention but I am his wife, so I am supposed to command his attention. I feel he needs to start winding this basketball thing down so that he and I can do more things together. I feel that I am worth it. We are not going to be young forever so why should he waste his time on such a silly activity? I would love to know what you feel about this. Thank you.
Men (uh, “young” men) usually have this energy that needs to be burned off. While spending the day with you might work out great for you, it sounds like he needs this activity to keep him grounded. I can actually understand where he is coming from. I used to wake up at 6:00 am each morning just to go out and play basketball, and I would be there all day until my mother had to literally come to the court in the evening and bring me home. For me, basketball was my release… It sounds as though this might be the same case with your husband. When I was on the court, I was doing what I loved and it kept me from getting into trouble with gangs and other things. If you try to stifle your husband’s physical release of basketball you may find that he just might compensate for that loss by engaging in some “other” activity that you might not like. Right now, you know where he is most of the time, and you know what he is doing. You don’t have to worry about him cheating around town and if his temperament is good at home you can “probably” attribute that to the steam that he lets off with playing basketball. When I was younger, every time I felt “frustrated or stressed” I would take to the courts and take it out on the man who had to “guard” me. I think that activity helped to make me the relatively “calm” man that I am today (well, in MOST cases.. smile). Trust me when I say that your man will not be playing ball for ALL of his life. Be careful what you ask for, for you just might not “like it.” It is one thing for a wife to be encouraging. It is another for a wife to be controlling. I think it would be advisable to let your husband “be himself” and play ball. As long as he comes home to you and still loves you the way a good husband is supposed to then there should be nothing wrong with it. Of course, you can always go to the court with him and watch him play as well. Men love to show off for the women they love. Your presence just might make him “play better.” Think carefully before trying to make him give up the very game that he loves. If your relationship is going strong you just might have “basketball” to thank for that. Thank you for submitting a topic and I wish you the very best today.
Recording artist “Dwele” and Brett Jolly in concert