Mr. Jolly, what constitutes a stalker? There is this man who follows everything I do on Facebook, and every time he sees me with another man he always finds a way to “tell” them that he is either married to me, my boyfriend, or sometimes he will even go as far as to say that he “was” my boyfriend. If he can’t say it to them directly then he will just come close enough and say it loud enough so the man can hear him. When I told him to stop trying to talk to my male friends he says he is only doing it for fun, like a joke. He thinks it is funny but it isn’t. I called him a stalker because he comes to my job to watch me and he can always tell me about everyone I talk to (because he is always monitoring my activity). I am getting tired of him going up to every man that he feels is a threat (even though we are NOT a couple by ANY means). He is not harmful in any way, so I know I am safe. He doesn’t believe he is a stalker at all. Is he right or am I right?
A stalker is someone who tries to follow what you do, where you go, and monitors your activity. If this man is coming to your job to see you, and if this man wants to know everyplace you go, and then monitors all your activity on Facebook, then he “is” a stalker. This particular man obviously doesn’t want you to have a relationship with any male other than him, and that could be a problem down the road. You have the option of going to police and getting a restraining order against him. Some people cannot handle rejection well and usually those are the ones who “become” stalkers. As for your new male friends there shouldn’t be much of a problem, because even though he may try to convince them he is your man, they should know the truth by the fact that you are talking to “them” and not “him.” The question is not whether or not he is a stalker (because obviously he “is” one) but how you can get him to stop interfering in your interactions with others. If you don’t feel like getting the restraining order then you can “always” get some man to “pretend” to be your “new” boyfriend and have him step to him. Once the concept of “boyfriend” has been established in his mind then hopefully he will start to turn his aggressions in another direction. You might want to consider “blocking” him on Facebook as well. Some people govern their “whole lives” according to Facebook, and what they don’t seem to realize is that you can find out a “lot” about a person just from his or her Facebook page. If a stalker has your personal information then that makes it a lot easier for him to “stalk.” Block him and alert your job so that they can have security throw this man out whenever he comes around. Right now he might not be much of a problem, but if he is meddling in your social life then that is never a good thiing. Try one of the options I just mentioned. No woman (nor any man) needs to be stalked. Address this problem “now” before it “starts” to get worse. Good luck to you, and have a great day.
Singer Tyrese and Brett Jolly performing at the funeral of Teddy Pendergrass