I have a situation that just aggravates me. I have a boyfriend that I believe loves me (at least he says he does). I am a model and I love what I do. He just recently told me that he wants to have kids. He said he wants to get married to a woman who will have kids for him. The problem is that I am not ready to have kids yet, and he is making it seem like if I don’t want to have a baby for him, then this relationship will be over. I think that is unfair. I do love him, but right now I am furious with him. Can you tell me what I should do?
“Leave him.” If he is only interested in what “he” wants, then that means he is a “selfish” lover. By telling you that you need to have kids for him he is basically telling you to either “postpone” or out right “drop” your modeling career. If he knows you well enough to know that you love modeling, then he should never expect you to just give it up just like that. Also, if he is willing to end the relationship based on that (without first going into an in depth conversation with you about it) then that could also mean that he is “controlling.” This is a “red flag” that no woman should “ever” ignore. There should be at least “two” sides to every discussion, and if your partner can only see his side, then maybe he needs to see your backside as you walk out the door for the very “last” time. There are other options out there for couples, but if he refuses to even discuss those options then in all reality he is “NOT” the one for you. A lot of times people in relationships intend to ignore issues like this in hopes that they will work themselves out. That “never” happens, and that it why it is so important to pay attention to it. It is natural for a lot of men to want kids. It is NOT natural for a man to give an “ultimatum” like that. You have every bit as much at stake in this relationship as he does, so you should “NOT” be the only one making sacrifices. Kids are great to have, but ONLY when you are “properly prepared” to raise them. Depending on how young you are, there may be goals that you still want to reach, and having kids just might impede those goals. It is often difficult to leave someone you love, but you should never let your love for someone change you into something you are not ready to be. If he exhibits this kind of controlling behavior now, then get out of this while you still can. I can guarantee it won’t get any better if you ignore it. If he does like “most’ men do, he will move on to someone else and then later on “regret” ever leaving you. Isn’t it funny how that works? Don’t make yourself a slave to someone who refuses to understand you. Life goes on, with, or without him… By all means, do “you.” Have a great day.
Janet Jackson and Brett Jolly onstage