Dear Mr. Jolly. I have been in a two year relationship with a wonderful man. I know he loves me. He takes care of everything for me. He pays for my hair, my nails, and he does so without asking. He takes an interest in everything I do and will buy me gifts all the time. I couldn’t ask for a better person to be with. There is only one problem though: I don’t love him. I want to love him with all my heart, but the more I try to force myself the more I come to the reality that I don’t. He is so nice to me, and I don’t want to hurt him, but I also can’t see myself being with him either. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Love is an emotion that you feel from within. No matter how hard you try, you can’t just “make” yourself love anyone. At least you are honest enough to admit it. However, if this man has invested 2 years into you then there is no way he can avoid being hurt if you should now reject him. Even if you married him, at some point he is going to realize that your love is just “not there.” I believe there is only one element that “may” help you, and that element is “time.” Right now he is doing so much for you that you probably don’t have any “breathing room.” It is the equivalent to being at the movies and sitting “way too close to the screen.” In order to realize his value, it just might be in your interest to “take a small break.” You see, a LOT of us never realize what we have until we are “separated” from it. Men go through it all the time, and that is why when women break up with them they cry, beg, and scream to get back into the picture. By no means am I telling you to break up with him, but I do think you need just a little bit of “time to yourself” for reflection. I would suggest that you be up front and honest with him (but you don’t have to tell him that you don’t love him… that would only hurt him). Let him know that you need a little time for yourself to “sort out your heart.” It could be 3 weeks, a month or whatever you determine (However, I would strongly suggest you “not” try to make it more than a month). During this break time, you need to reject “any and ALL” benefits that he normally provides for you. In other words, he cannot be allowed to pay for “anything” you want or need during this time (I mean that). In order to miss him, you need to miss “ALL” the services and small special deeds that he does for you as well. I am sure there are “many” women out there that would love to have a good man like him, but right now he is probably doing “way too much” for you and he just might need to “ease up.” Time has been known to heal many hearts, and while I cannot guarantee that your situation will be “any” better when you come back to him, it “should” help you to have a clearer mind as to how you feel about him. Sometimes in life we may not always get what we want, but hopefully through trials and tribulations we get to recognize “what we need.” NEVER try to force love, but there is nothing wrong with giving love a chance to “set in.” If you decide to take a break, do not break off all communication with him. He needs to know that you are not trying to exit from his life, so periodic phone calls will help him “keep the faith.” Remember, if you reject him right now, you may not be able to get him back “later.” Right now you need to find “yourself” and when he asks you why you are taking your break that is exactly what you need to tell him. The move you make at this juncture could alter your life and happiness significantly. Take the time you need, but make sure to utilize it well. If it is meant to be, then you two “will” be together, but it is important for the both of you to have the “same” vision. Good luck to you, and please keep us posted.
Rapper Chuck D and Brett Jolly in concert