Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Is this man using me?)

Mr. Jolly, I have an interesting situation and I would love to know how you would view this from a man’s perspective. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for about 4 months. He has 7 other kids from 5 different baby mommas and he works at a fast food establishment. I am at the age where all my kids have left home so for me I am by no means trying to start over. He has brought his kids over to spend time with me even when he was not there. However, during the time the kids are over he doesn’t offer me any money to get them food or anything else. As for  him, he comes over to spend the night about 3 days a week, mostly on weekends. Currently he lives with his parents and he keeps hinting to me that we wants to leave his parents place. I have my own home, my own car, and I am self dependent. The problem that I am having is that this man seems to bring “nothing” to the table. He offers no money for anything. He is lazy and doesn’t want to fix anything around the house. He asks me to pay for his kids and him whenever the kids come over. His ex baby mommas all say that he ruined them financially and then left them. Do you think I should take the chance on letting this man move in with me?

I see quite a few red flags with this one, and I think it is important that you pay attention to them. First, when you have 7 other kids from 5 different women, chances are that as a father you have to help “support” those kids. It may not involve much, but either through child support or just his responsibility as a parent he has to dish out money for them. Now unless he has a “killer” job that makes a LOT of money, then the reality of this is that “most” of his money is going towards the care of his kids. If this man has actually “left” 5 women with his kids then to me that means that he does not handle responsibility in relationships well. If you take him in, then in essence you are taking his “baggage” with him, which means that at some point he AND his kids could be your responsibility. If he can get away with not  contributing anything to you now then what makes you think it will get any better AFTER he moves in with you? Even if he has no money (which is what it seems to me) then he could at least offer to fix something or cook dinner for you or “ANYTHING.” When he comes to spend the evenings with you he is getting free room and board, free assistance and free “something else” that you provide. If you love him well enough to support him and his family then by all means let him move in with you. However, if you don’t want to feel used or taken advantage of, I strongly suggest that you reassess your situation “thoroughly” and determine for yourself whether or not you want to accept the “baggage” that comes with him. Also, I think it is important to pay attention to what his ex wives (or girlfriends) are saying about him. If they ALL are saying that he left them financially broken then that should be a serious red flag as well. From a man’s perspective, I think he should show that he is a valuable asset to you somewhere. If all he is doing is using up your food, your money and your body then he is only doing what “you” allow him to get away with. Make sure you “think” about this one before you give in to his wishes. It is a LOT easier to take him in than it is to “put him OUT.” This is NOT the time to think “from your heart.” Good luck to you and please enjoy this special presentation from the Phantom Poet:

This man keeps hinting that he wants to move in with me
But for some reason this man isn’t offering any money
When I need financial help from him he never offers any bids
In fact, he often asks me for dough to pay for his own kids
I have no problem giving up a dollar, dime or a penny
But how can I do this when he seems to have so many?
He doesn’t fix anything either and he just seems to lay around
When anything needs fixing all the tools lay there on the ground
I think most women like to see some sort of value in their men
When it comes to wanting sex, then he has “plenty” of energy THEN
He offers nothing in return, but yet with me he is always wanting some
He must think that I am just deaf, blind AND dumb
It’s not as though I expect him to have a whole lot of wealth
but it’s a fact that I can surely “do bad” all by myself
I worked hard for my things, and I enjoy them because I can
So the last thing I need is to take care of some broke azz man
I don’t want that type of lifestyle and I don’t need that type of drama
So if you need a place to stay, then by all means go “back” to your baby’s momma

“Ouch”… from the Phantom Poet


Johnny Gil, Brett Jolly, and Bobby Brown


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