Someone asked me how I managed to keep my peaceful demeanor (and no, I am not going off on any “ego trip” here). I have this concept where I don’t intend on getting “frantic” over things I “can’t control.” As crazy as it sounds, if I were in a burning house, I would prefer to think “rationally” first before panicking. I have been in scary situations like riding in an air plane that had to “suddenly” swerve back up in to the sky because it wasn’t going to land right in the middle of a huge electrical storm. I have also experienced being in a train derailment (Many years ago in North Carolina between Raleigh and Vance). I also once encountered a rabid dog that was foaming at the mouth trying to attack me and I have also been “shot at.” When I was very young I ran out into the street and was nearly hit by a car. As dramatic as these experiences were, they have no bearing at all on why I view life the way I do. The one responsible for that is “my father.” You see, when I was younger, I was “very inquisitive” about a lot of things, and I loved to challenge people on just about “everything.” Each and every time I had a question or topic for my father, he “always” gave me an answer that made perfect sense. Sometimes it would get me angry, because I was just “waiting” for the opportunity to challenge him on anything he might say that I “knew” was wrong, but that moment “never” came… Whenever I questioned him about something he said, he never once told me to “just shut up and obey me.” He let me speak my piece and he ALWAYS had an appropriate response. Now, my father is 81 years old and not the knowledgeable man he used to be (but he is still sharp in a lot of ways). I thank him for instilling in me the ability to “rationalize and reason”in accordance with what I feel or know to be right. The other day I had a talk with my daughter about some new boy in her life. I know a lot of fathers who would just “say NO” for the sake of saying “no,” but I was determined NOT to be that kind of father. You see, I told my daughter that the most important thing is for her to know that she has a father that she can “always” come to “whenever” she needs to. I didn’t tell her that I hate the boy or that he needs to stay away from her. I had to come off as more of an “adviser” than an actual parent, and the reason for this is because I “remembered how my father handled me.” Some parents will continue to “behave” like parents for the lifespan of their children. What they don’t realize is that some children have to be allowed the opportunity to make their own mistakes growing up just like “we” did. No matter how much you love your kids, you should never try to live your live over “through them.” My father was instrumental in handling me, and I only hope I can be as “masterful” as he was with me and my brother when it comes to my own kids. My parents “never once” had to come down to the jailhouse to get us out of prison. We never did drugs. My parents kept me off the streets at night even though they knew we wanted to hang with the other kids late at night. It took me a long while, but after finding out what happened to a lot of those kids later on I came to realize that my parents were “right.” Control is not always a “guarantee.” Years ago I knew a church going woman who had 2 beautiful young girls. The girls were brought up in the church, and she protected and sheltered them through just about “everything.” Well, the day came when she finally had to let her girls go for their own into college. They went away out of the state, but they were “not” prepared for the outside world because they were “used” to their mother watching over them. BOTH of the kids got pregnant during their first year of college and had to drop out. What this told me at that time was that it is better for a parent to “guide” children than it is for a parent to “control” children. In other words, instead of issuing orders, it can be more beneficial to issue “guidance.” We ALL are human, and we all are prone to make mistakes, but if you can offer direction to a child then you can help that child “make better decisions” on his or her own (because I am not guaranteed to “always” be here). Life is fragile, unpredictable, and sometimes “scary.” Through the teachings of my father, I have come to realize that a “calm” demeanor will give you a much better edge than and panicked one. I also learned that it is best to give consideration to “all” possibilities and not just “go in the same direction as everyone else.” As long as I “feel good” about the person I am trying to be then I can feel good when I wake up in the morning. For me, that is the “ultimate justification.” Hope your day is special today. Have a great one.
Got a topic? You can contact me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co (You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1)). Thank you and have a great day.
Legendary singer Jerry Butler and Brett Jolly in concert
Recently I have had discussions with friends of mine who were “planning” to lose weight. A couple of my friends appeared to be “dedicated to the task” and claimed they were ready to put the process in motion. The interesting part is that it appears “each one” of them has a “different” method for “taking off” the weight. Not one of them had the same exact “diet” plan, but they all expected to get the same results. One friend of mine said that he planned to lose 40 pounds by working out with weights in the gym. One lady plans to “speed up” her metabolism by eating more so that she can alter her eating habits later. One has researched a diet plan that she thinks will help her lose one hundred pounds. I commend all of them for wanting to get into better shape, but can they really expect to lose weight from all of these different plans? For the record, I don’t think I have ever had a weight problem in my life. I am constantly “on the go” and I hardly “ever” get to weigh myself on a scale. That is because “mentally” I feel as though I just “never need to.” For me, the process to “staying slim” results from the “”belief” in being slim. The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can have you believing things that are not even in existence. I believe the reason I don’t lose weight is because “I work out mentally.” In other words, I don’t allow myself to think of myself or even see myself in “heavy” terms. If you carry yourself as a heavy person, then you will “think” like a heavy person. If you allow your mind to “trick” your body into thinking that you are losing weight, you will actually make progress towards that goal. There are a lot of plans and ideas out there for losing weight. I heard one that was really quite simple, and that was “Don’t eat.” I believe it is important to know your own body and your own state of mind. Some people don’t need to lose weight to be better, they only need to lose “inches from certain areas.” Some people only need to “tone up and solidify” certain areas to be right. It “all” still starts with the mind and how you “think” about yourself. In order to “mentally” lose weight it will be “important” to “never” look in the mirror for instant results. If you look in the mirror and don’t see the results you want then you can become “depressed” and at that point the mind will work against you and allow the body to “pack the weight back on again.” I wish my friends the very best, but I do know that in order to “gain” weight they needed the “mental mindset” of a person who engages in “overweight” activities. Well, in order to lose weight the same principles can apply, but just think in the “opposite” direction. ALL “great” accomplishments start with the “belief that you can do it.” “Free your mind, and your “body”will follow… Good luck to all of you out there who have the resolve to get in better shape and here comes the Phantom Poet”
When it comes to dieting, there will always be some type of debate
Because there are too many different theories for losing your weight
Many of these theories fail, because when dieting we often find
when losing weight for the body, we must first start with “the mind”
My friends plan to lose weight and each has a different plan
When it comes to taking off pounds, I just hope they all can
When you think about it, once these conditions you meet
You will start to lose weight really fast if you just “don’t eat”
As crazy as that sounds to some degree that will actually work
But you many end up dead and buried under six feet of dirt
Life doesn’t have to be so drastic, and there can be another way
But learning your mind and body really needs to come into play
So when it comes to getting fit, you need to make sure your mind is “set”
Because in the end, that will determine how much weight loss you “get”
So I wish you all the best of luck and hope that weight loss you will bring
And when it comes to feeling slim, keep your behind “out” of “Burger King”
“Those Whopper meals are awesome”… The Phantom Poet
Got a topic? Email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@Love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook and Skype (username: Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.
Chubby Checker (“The Twist”) and Brett Jolly
I just came out of a bad relationship. I am currently looking for someone new. My friends are telling me that I should get into those dating web sites to find the right man for me. I have heard horror stories. What do you think about dating sites, and should I even look into them?
Unfortunately horror stories can happen under a lot of different circumstances, not just on dating sites. While there are some really bad stories from online dating there are also plenty of success stories as well. One of the great things about online dating is that during the process of getting to know someone you are “protected” by your computer screen and your “block/delete” button. When someone appears to be getting “out of hand” you can just hit that button and be “done with him.” Also, one of the advantages of online dating is that you get to know and learn the “inner person” first before getting to see the “physical presence.” If you met someone off the street, the first thing you would encounter is the “physical” image, and sometimes that image can “taint” your perspective on what that person is like “on the inside.” With online dating it can be the exact opposite. One of the big problems with online dating is that a “lot” of people “misrepresent” themselves. Some will put false information in their profiles to make themselves look more attractive. Others will put up pictures of themselves from “20” years ago or just put up a picture that isn’t even really them. When checking out profiles, you will need to look for “little things” that give away the details of what this person is really like. If he claims to be a world famous writer and yet all of his words are “capitalized and misspelled” then chances are he is “lying.” If he claims to be an doctor, lawyer AND and astronaut then the chances of him being truthful are “slim.” The good thing is that you can just about “Google” anyone online to find out details about someone. If he is “legit” then there should be “something” about him that you can find out online. I believe that just about one out of five relationships are being discovered online, so it should be acceptable for you to step up to the “new age.” Good luck to you and please welcome that world famous online lyricist, the Phantom Poet:
I found this man on a dating site and his picture is just as fine as it could be
but why is there a little date in the left hand corner that happens to say 1973?
He told me that it is a recent pic of him and that there is really no oversight
But the condition of the picture is all wrinkly and it is also in “black and white”
In his profile he says he is a world class scholar and he is intellectually compelled
The only problem with this is that every other third word is badly misspelled
He said he can’t mention his job because he discretely works for the FBI
Well, I know someone at that organization and he never heard of the guy
He claims that he is single and has never been out with any ladies
But I Googled his name and found that he is “married with 3 babies”
He told me he only drinks socially and never once has he gotten plastered
My friend knows him and said he is in the bars every day, the lying bastard
That is why when you do your homework well, you never know what you might find
when you search for a person’s information and find it all online
Usually you can find out the information you want without fail
And that can come in handy, especially if you discover he is already in jail
So don’t be afraid to look for love online, because nowadays that is what people do
Because if he acts up and gets rude, no one can reach through your screen to get you
And if he gets totally ridiculous, then this is how you make this separation “complete”
Just go to that little button on your computer and press it… the one that says “delete”
“From the hard drive” of the Phantom Poet
Got a topic? Reach out to me by email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett @love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or on Skype (username: Brettjolly1) Thank you and have a great day.
Singer GC Cameron and Brett Jolly rehearsing in PIR studios
I have been asked to share more “celebrity” moments, so today I hope you don’t mind hearing some of my stories. I think for today I will deal with the “celebrity embarrassment” issues. These I rarely talk about because for the celebrity they might be considered “very personal.” I will start with a man who used to sing lead for the hit group “Tower of Power.” His name is Lenny Williams and he sang lead on many of their tunes like “There’s only so much oil in the ground.” I was in Miami Florida and on a show where Lenny was also performing. I had not seen any recent pictures of Lenny so it had been awhile, but he was a vibrant young looking gentleman from what I remembered. When his band entered the hotel lobby we did like most bands do and welcomed them to the gig. Lenny’s group was great and social. When I talked to them I said, “I would really love to meet Lenny. When is he coming in?” The gentleman “right next” to me then reached out his hand and said “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I was really embarrassed, because I had absolutely “no idea” that Lenny’s appearance had changed so much and that he was standing “right next” to me. Needless to say, I tried to play it all off but it was “very” awkward. In another story, I was performing at the RadioOne 25th anniversary gala a couple years back. There were a LOT of stars in attendance, such as Jay-Z, Beyonce, Janet Jackon, P. Diddy, Natalie Cole and many, many more. Aretha Franklin, was there to sing an opera number. For those of you who never saw her live (before her weight loss) Aretha was “extremely top heavy.” When I say extremely I mean it. A lot of times when she performed she would wear outfits that were “somewhat revealing.” I believe she did this so that her lungs would have an easier time singing, but the truth is I don’t know for sure. Anyway, she sat in the very first row, and we were up on a “very high” level stage. We had an visual angle that allowed us to see down on everyone. That evening Aretha wore a VERY low cut white outfit that looked to be very revealing with her cleavage. Me, along with the rest of the guys in the band, were playing onstage and didn’t think much of it, until she reached down to adjust something on her “shoe.” From the angle we had, we managed to see something of Aretha’s that we were “not supposed” to see. I looked at my other guitar player and said “Did you see that?” He replied by saying, “How could anyone possibly miss that?” Needless to say, I really wish we had “not” seen that. To this day, I can’t get that image out of my head. In another story, we performed at an event called the Mid Atlantic Emmy awards. On this show the guest celebrity was none other than Oprah Winfrey. When she emerged from around the curtain, the cameras and the lights “started rolling.” Since I was in the band, our setup was directly behind her, so when she came onstage she said “Hi” to me and stood right in front to give her speech. For those of you who have ever had any experience with camera and stage lights, you know that these lights can be “really” intense. Well, since I was positioned “directly behind” Oprah I happened to notice something. She wore and “off yellow-gold” outfit that had a little bit of “sheerness” to it. The only problem with this is that when focused light shines on an outfit like this, it can reveal things that you might not want revealed. I turned to my drummer, Johnnie Croom, and asked him, “Do you see what I see?” He said “Yes, I do believe that we are now looking at Oprah’s underwear.” The light shone “through” her outfit and she “really” should have worn a slip with it. We could “clearly” see her legs and her undergarments through her dress. I wasn’t sure how to react to this, but I just pretended for the rest of the evening that nothing was wrong. As a musician I have seen a lot, so I just chalked this experience up to being “another one of those moments.” I do hope that no one was offended by today’s Daily Thought. I only wanted to share some of my experiences with my career and I was asked to do so. Periodically I will share more stories as long as no one minds (I have a LOT of stories). Thank you again for your support and I hope you have an awesome weekend.
Got a topic? You can contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or at Brett@Love-notes.co (You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or on Skype… username Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.
Aretha Franklin and Brett Jolly onstage
Mr. Jolly, I was referred to you by a friend and I really like your column. I have a very simple question that I hope you can answer for me. When it comes to bad relationships, at what point should you consider it “over?”
You consider it “over” when there is “nothing more” left to discuss. You consider it over when you have exercised “all other options” to “no avail.” You consider it “over” when you can no longer “talk civilly” without screaming or shouting at each other. A bad relationship can have a lasting impact, because it basically means that “you failed” when it came to finding happiness with someone. The truth about relationships is that it is far better to “end a bad relationship” than it is to “live a lie.” People will sometimes “pretend” that “nothing is wrong” when they know in their hearts that there is “no way this relationship can possibly work.” ALL relationships start out with the “best of intentions” but we have to accept the fact that “people change.” The person you started out with is not guaranteed to be the person you end up with as you progress through your relationship. When the love is gone, the desire is not far behind… That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to work things out, but you should always remember the “dead horse” theory. When your horse loses his life, no matter how hard (or how many times) you beat the horse, the fact still remains that he is “dead.” If your relationship is a “dead horse” then at “some” point you need to start “accepting reality.” As hurtful as it may be to “end” it, it could be even “more” hurtful to continue it for “all the wrong reasons.” If that doesn’t help, then pull out a piece of paper and on one side jot down “all the positives” about your relationship and on the other side jot down “all the negatives.” Then compare the size of the two sides. If the negative side “looms like a giant” over the positive side then that should be a “red flag.” Never lie to yourself. If you already “know” the answer, then do what you “need to do.” Thank you for checking out my Daily thought, and I wish you the very best in life.
Got a topic? Contact me via email at Brettjolly@aol.com or Brett@love-notes.co. You can also send me a friend request on Facebook or Skype (username: Brettjolly1). Thank you and have a great day.
Singer Lyfe Jennings, Bill Jolly and Brett Jolly in studio