Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Arguments and keeping your composure”)

I hate arguments, but on occasion my lover loves to come at me with some kind of heated exchange. I don’t want to make her more upset, but every time she screams and hollers it really upsets me. There have been times when I was close to losing it with her. She always tells me that if I don’t talk back with her then she will become even more upset. How should you handle emotional people who want to argue with you?

This is a good question, because if you don’t watch out, this person can make you “just as emotional” as he/she is (and the worst thing that can happen is that you have TWO emotional wrecks going at it). The one thing that “needs” to happen is you need to make a very quick “assessment.” It is NOT what is being said that should alert you, but rather HOW it is being said to you. If you both are within close enough proximity to hear each other clearly and yet she is still raising her voice, then that means she is about to become “emotional.” The one thing you DON’T want to do is “match” an emotional person on his or her same level. When responding back it is “important” to “remain calm.” Most times this is easier “said than done.” However, if your “peaceful demeanor” is resulting in making her even MORE angry (which can sometimes happen) then you should refrain from responding back totally. Allow her to vent for a minute (or two… “HUNDRED”) and “try” to “not” say anything to incite her even more. If you do choose to speak, a good thing to say would be, “I love you so much, and I refuse to get angry with you tonight. I recognize how you feel and why you feel that way, but I love you too much tonight to argue or be mad with you. When BOTH our heads are calmer tomorrow I will GLADLY revisit this conversation.” When you say something like this, it will usually help to “deflate SOME” of the pent up emotion (but it may take some time before you actually SEE any results). If she responds by saying something “mean spirited” (like “Malarkey”… which when interpreted correctly means “BULLS*(&”) you need to recognize that she is ONLY doing so to get an emotional response out of you. Some people push arguments just to see how far they can “push your buttons.” She can only succeed if you allow her to. The rule of thumb should be “If I can’t make you happy tonight then there is no need to make the BOTH of us miserable.” It is important for a man to know “when” to walk away. She may tell you that she is going to get more angry if you do, but I’m sure you already recognized that she can’t POSSIBLY get more angrier than what she “already is.” From a man’s perspective, you HAVE to keep your composure. One wrong emotional response can change your world in an instant. The “one” advantage you “should” have is that she should NOT be able to “out run” you. If you decide to turn away and she follows you, then “run…. RUN Forrest, RUN…” As crazy as this sounds, running will allow you to exert “energy” so that you don’t end up doing “something stupid.” If she chases after you, it will also help her to release some of her energy as well. She probably “needs” to release that energy, but that doesn’t mean that you should stick around and allow her to abuse you verbally. If necessary, go away someplace and “email” her your concerns. She will still get angry, but at least she “shouldn’t” scream and holler at her computer (please keep in mind that there ARE exceptions to this rule) and if she does holler at least you won’t “hear it.” Above all, be honest and let he know WHY you don’t like scream with her. It may take a while, but she WILL understand eventually. The most important thing is that if she is ALREADY at  her “anger limit” then there is no longer a need to debate someone who is incapable of listening to you right now. Make your own assessment and do whatever is necessary to keep it from escalating further. Good luck to you and please welcome this special presentation from the Phantom Poet:

I have discovered that my woman has a 6 octave voice range
Because I hear each note with her heated voice exchange
She really goes at it whenever she lets an argument occur
And she says that if I don’t listen she will get “angrier”
She begins to scream and shout and I wish she would cease
Because it isn’t necessary and all I want is just a little peace
Sometimes I realize that she is trying her best to make me very mad
But as a man I have to keep my composure so I won’t do something bad
She refuses to listen to reason, and this I can surely tell
Because I can’t seem to get a word in and she is yelling like Hell
I think I need to make a decision and I am now prepared to make it
Let’s go upstairs where we can continue to argue… “naked”
The words may get heated at times, but nothing much compares
Because if you are turning me on, then who the Hell cares?
Maybe we can engage in sex as well, and that would be real pleasin’
And when it comes to the argument, I will probably forget the reason
Because if two people love each other, then we really shouldn’t complain
And for a good intimate moment, I’ll admit that you are “right as rain”
Every couple can have an argument, but there is no need to break up
The true art of love is knowing the correct way to make up
So if your mate wants to argue, then you can do it, I suppose
But if you want a happy ending, then make sure to do so…WITHOUT “clothes”

“What were you talking about again, baby?” The Phantom Poet

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Johnny Gill, Brett Jolly and Bobby Brown (from New Edition)

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