I have a problem at my job. One of my coworkers dresses really nice, and from time to time I compliment her on how she looks. If her pants are tight, I will sometimes say that she is rocking it with those tight jeans. I have said some other things as well, but nothing I said was meant to insult her. She went and filed complaint charges to the head branch against me for harassment. I really feel that this was unfair, because I honestly meant no harm. Now I am being looked at as some bad guy at work and they may end up firing me as a result. When I say this, I really mean it. I was not trying to insult her at all or disrespect her. Now as long as she is there I can never view my job the same again. I need to ask you. How should a man handle a situation like this?
One of the things most men need to remember is that one woman’s “compliment” can be another woman’s “harassment.” What you said might not have been “intended” to disrespect her but she could have felt offended from the “way” you said it. You see, harassment is one of those charges that don’t usually have any “clear cut” definitions. There are no exact standards or statements that “specifically” define “harassment.” Most times the “sexual” advances are the ones that women will bring up. Many years ago professor Anita Hill had to testify in court about Clarence Thomas, a man who was up for nomination as a Supreme Court Judge. One of Ms. Hill’s accusations was that Mr. Thomas told her that there was a “pubic hair” on his soda can. That statement might probably have been “overlooked” by a lot of women but this woman considered it “very” insensitive and repulsive. The final outcome of the case was that Ms. Hill’s charges were found to be “unproven” and eventually Mr. Thomas won the nomination. Sexual harassment is “extremely” tricky to determine, and that is because most times it is never done in front of witnesses and often the omission (or misinterpretation) of one word can make the biggest difference in the complaint. However, sexual harassment is a very “serious” charge, ESPECIALLY in the workplace. It happens a lot, but because of the difficulty in trying to prove it most times it causes complications when under review. A woman has the right to be able to work in the workplace without feeling harassed, and if you were “constantly” addressing her in an uncomfortable manner then she had “every right” to file harassment charges against you. At this point, I strongly suggest that you “man up” and apologize to her AND the company. Right now it is “not” about whether you were right or wrong, but the atmosphere needs to be corrected. Should you decide to battle this case you could still end up losing in the final outcome, because the other women (and coworkers) at your job will probably keep “tainted” views of you and your behavior, and that won’t necessarily make for a “harmonious” atmosphere. A LOT of men “have great intentions” when making a compliment to a woman, but we are “well known” for “occasionally” saying the “wrong thing”‘ at the “wrong time.” I think you should let the woman know (in front of witnesses) that you have truly learned from this experience and if she is “willing” to forgive you, then you will be an entirely “changed man” in the workplace. Make “sure” that if you are going to say this that you do so in front of witnesses. I would never tell anyone to admit to a crime they feel they didn’t commit, but it is important that you weigh all the implications of this case. You can end up winning the battle and ultimately “losing” the war. Without knowing “specifically” what you said to her, this is the best recommendation I can think of right now. You don’t necessarily have to admit guilt, but you need to “handle your business,” and do your best to “make things right.” Good luck to you, and yes, you KNOW you are going to have to hear it from the Phantom Poet on this one:
I think my coworkers are thinking of me as being some inconsiderate, obnoxious, jerk face
And that is because I have just been accused of “sexual harassment” in the work place
I was just trying to be a gentleman and compliment the lady using my male charm
I really never meant to disrespect her or even cause her any harm
I never said I was perfect, and I will never admit to being any kind of saint
but now I realize that “one woman’s compliment” can be “another woman’s complaint”
I don’t want to be tagged a “sexual harasser” because that is no way for a man to live
Maybe I should just choke it up and apologize and hope that she has the heart to forgive
I will never ever address the way a woman dresses, her makeup or even her tan
And if it is necessary, I will stand up there and apologize for just “being a man”
You can subject me to 50 lashes with a whip if you will just make these charges “gone”
Of course, if “she” does it to me, then that will almost automatically “turn me on”
Oh darn! I did it again! I said a bad statement and now I am “confessin’
It is obvious that even though I apologized I still haven’t learned my lesson
I know I am an “over stimulated” man and I can be a little frisky of a sort
But if she brings up charges against me, I hope she wears those high red pumps to court
I would hate to have those charges brought against me, because to my ego it would hurt
Of course, it would be a lot better to deal with if she wears that really short white skirt
If I could take back the statements I made to her, then rest assured I surely would
but if she is going to bring me down in court, then I at least want her “looking good”
“After court is over, can you walk in front of me for the very last time? Thank you”… The Phantom Poet
If you like, you can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day
Olivia Newton John, Brett Jolly and her musical director Amy Skyy
I have a husband who always seems to be worn down. Whenever I want him to do something it seems like he is always tired. He is currently working 2 jobs (which is a good thing) but I need more from him. If the lawn needs to be cut he acts as though it is going to cut itself. If I need him to go shopping he just doesn’t seem to have the energy for it. Whenever I wake him up for something he always seems irritable, but we have things around the house that need to be done. This house will not clean itself. He tells me that he is doing the best he can but I feel a man should always be the provider for his family. The other day he asked me if I would consider getting a job and I felt insulted. I am raising his kids which is more than enough for any woman to do. Each morning I have to get them ready for school and I cook for us every day. No woman needs a man who is always tired. Is there anything you can suggest that will help me get more out of him?
You might want to try giving him a little more “consideration.” While it is normal for the man to be the breadwinner and provider of the house, he is only as human as “you” are. If he is working 2 jobs then he may have a “right” to “feel tired” around the house. Granted, chores need to be done, but if he is worn out from working 2 jobs, then maybe you can help him out by “lightening his load” just a little. You can’t continue to “push” a man beyond his limits, and if that is what’s happening with your marriage then it is quite possible that you may be “stressing him out.” If he asked you to get a job then that means he has a reason behind it. He may be feeling a lot of pressure, and there is a good possibility that it a lot of it is coming from you. You say that you get the kids ready for school every day. After they leave, there is nothing wrong with you taking the initiative to do the shopping (or cleaning) by yourself. If you don’t feel like cutting the lawn then just hire someone else to do it for you. It is important for your man to get rest, and from the way you describe your situation it appears as though your man is not getting enough of it. That is “unhealthy…” Instead of designating all these duties to your husband, I would suggest that the both of you sit down and talk about what is required. I agree that raising kids is a tough job for any woman, but if he is working 2 jobs then you may need to do just a little bit “more.” If he is irritable from not getting any rest then that could also have an effect on your love life as well. You might want to spend “less” time trying to wake him up and “more time” trying to find different ways to let him “sleep.” If your man works hard, then he needs to be able to relax at some point. Also, he needs love and support from his woman to at least “feel” like his hard work is paying off. I hope you are showing him some “appreciation” for working 2 jobs to support the family. Encouragement can often make a “world” of difference. If you are pressuring him instead, then I just can’t imagine a good outcome from this. I may be wrong, but it sounds as though you have a good man. Try to understand his circumstances a little bit better and try not to “add” to his responsibilities. If he is doing the best he can, then show him that you at least appreciate his efforts. He is only human, and ALL humans need rest. Good luck to you and hope you can resolve your differences.
When it comes to household responsibilities our list runs deep
That’s why I just can’t understand why my man always wants to sleep
He is already working 2 jobs, but he needs to do a whole lot more
If he wasn’t ready for these responsibilities, then what did he get married for?
He is exhausted after working his jobs and he is as tired as he can be
but work needs to be done, so I wake him up constantly
The house needs to be cleaned and shopping needs to be done
Since I am taking care of the kids, then I “ain’t the one”
So every time I confront him telling him that I need a little more
He keeps laying down in bed, and I only get to hear him snore
He wants me to get a job, but quickly told his behind “No”
For this family to get right, you need to do even “more” work, Bro’
He says he is doing the best he can to make sure we never experience hunger
But lately he has been joking about leaving me for a new woman 10 years younger
I believe that he is joking with me, but for this I am not willing to bet any money
Just the fact that he is “joking” about leaving me is not even “close” to being “funny”
I cannot fathom life without him, because being without him means I would need to work
Maybe I have been a little tough on him, and maybe I might have been acting like a jerk
Instead of dumping on my man, I should be giving him praise instead
And maybe I should reward him by helping him sleep more “after” I join him in bed
I have decided to help out a little bit more around the house and this I now have to say
I am appreciative of my husbands work ethic, and for that I will love him even more today…
“Honey, if you are asleep, I’ll just take out the trash for you… okay?” The Phantom Poet
Send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.
The Emotions (‘You got the best of my love, Boogie Wonderland) and Brett Jolly in concert
Dear Mr. Jolly. I am a singer who would like to go big time like Beyonce or Lady Gaga. I have recorded in the studio before but I didn’t like the outcome of the song. Since I have very little experience I was wondering if there was anything you could tell me to help me make it big time. I am eager and I think I am ready. Please tell me what I need to know and do. Thank you.
The first thing you need is a “package.” In other words, you would need music samples, videos, photos and possibly your own web page. Most new artists need a great deal of promotion just to get to that “next” level, and having these few items is a great start. Hiring an experienced agent/manager helps, but you need to make sure that this agent will have “time” for you (A lot of agents focus most of their efforts on their “already proven” money makers, while their other clients can sometimes become “tax write-offs”). Getting radio play would be a great plus but don’t “count on it.” The radio industry has changed a LOT over the past couple of years. With the new internet radio stations on the rise, regular radio stations (and all the commercials that come with them) seem to be losing their edge. Stations like Pandora and Satellite radio are rising fast in popularity. Most regular radio stations play the “same” artists throughout the country. You are guaranteed to hear artists like Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Kanye West, Rihanna and the regular cast. These radio stations will NOT play any new artists unless there is a “strong” financial backing behind them. You could try taking your CD down to your local radio station yourself, but if it is a ClearChannel or Radioone station, then chances are you will NOT get your music played (at least not for “free”). This is because the labels pay the stations “big” money to play only “their” artists, but that money is “also” to make sure that they “don’t” play “other” artists. Even if you slide them a little bit of cash, they will more than likely take your money and then play your song “once” around the 3:00 am to 4:00 am hour but then later on return the CD back to you and tell you that it is not “strong” enough to get played on their station. Of course, you need to keep in mind that a lot of the regular artists that they play now also have songs produced in “poor” quality. The only difference between their product and yours is the “money” factor. That’s why we are all getting “worn out” from hearing so much of Beyonce, Jay-Z, and the cast of regulars. They have strong financial backing behind them, and “that” is what gets your music played. More and more new artists are starting to recognize this (and refusing to deal with this), and that is also why these radio stations are starting to struggle financially now. No one wants to invest 5 figures with “no guarantee” that your song will remain in rotation. Even if the station takes your song off the air, you will NOT get your money back. Thus, the quality of music we hear has gotten worse and the artists of today are sorely lacking in talent when comparing them to the legends of the past. There are no more Luther Van Dross’s out there. No one has the electricity that Michael Jackson displayed onstage. I don’t want to discourage you, but it is important that you at least know what you are up against. If the industry was based on just talent alone, then everyone could have an equal chance. However, until a change takes place you might want to “forget” about radio play. However, if you have a nice tune, and you can make a “great video” with it, then you can have it broadcast throughout the world for “free.” Youtube is “global” and it has already helped many artists get “out there” where regular radio could not. Be creative, think from a business perspective, and “find” a way to market yourself. If you are successful, you might be able to get a “distribution deal” with an independent label (This is MUCH better than signing with a label directly) and that would be a great plus to “launching” your career. Good luck to you and please feel free to check back with me if you have any other questions. I have just been informed that the Phantom Poet would like to make his own contribution to this debate:
There are hidden factors to know about this music industry but I don’t intend to spoil it
But you really need to know the main reason why it is “headed down the toilet”
If you are wondering why you are having difficulty getting your music played
Well, it is NOT based on your talent, but rather on the amount of money “PAID”
You might have a really great tune, and it might even be the very best
But when you take it to the radio station, they could really care less
The quality of music on radio is so bad these days that I hate to even listen
Even the DJ’s on the air cannot play the songs they like without “permission”
Beyonce and Jay-Z are played all the time, and this is the reason “why”
They don’t necessarily have the best music, but the best that money can “buy”
The music industry suffers in the meantime, because when it comes to great music they are “bereft”
As Beyonce has put it, some of this new music should go in the trash can “To the left, to the left”
There is PLENTY of “great talent” out here, sometimes it seems so absurd
When it comes to public radio, most times this talent will never get heard
The stations make money off the advertisers, but for good music we keep waiting
But the radio stations can’t make any money without a good audience rating
So if you don’t like the quality of the music on the radio, there’s no need to scoff
Let the radio station know exactly how you feel by turning your radio OFF!
Then you can write your local station and let them know with the message you send
That you will gladly come back to listening when they start playing good music again
Then maybe they will start to get their act together, and the music can change at the next glance
And maybe THEN some of the great undiscovered talent out here can “finally” get a “chance”
“Sometimes change is needed… but only if we recognize it”… The Phantom Poet
You can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day
New generation artist Dwele and Brett Jolly performing by the waterfront in Philly.
Hello. I have an interesting topic that my friends and I wanted to pose to you. My friends and I were having a disagreement about the actual beginning of human life. One friend is more scientific in nature and believes in the concept of evolution. He says there is proof that we descended from apes. I told him that God created us in his own image, and therefore the theory of evolution is not sufficient. I would love to know your opinion as to how human life “actually” came to be. Thank you.
I consider myself to be religious (or saved, if that is how you prefer to view it). I actually DO believe in a supreme being (God, Allah, or whatever name others use refer to) that is the ruler and maker of this earth. Now if you go by scientific study and look at old bones that show man evolving from a lessor form of life then you are entitled to think that way, but I think it would be important to consider “this:” How did that lessor form of life even “get” here in the first place? What got the ball rolling for “ANY” life to form on this planet? As amazing as it is, newer species of life are still being discovered, but yet no one actually gets to “witness” HOW a new species develops. Here is something else for you to ponder. As babies, humans are totally dependent on adults for upbringing, safety and guidance. In other words, if human life started out in “baby” form then how could it secure it’s own food, raise itself and protect itself? SOME higher form of life had to intervene to help pave the way. Finally, if the theory of evolution is one where we actually “changed” through a historic time then why are we NOT “still” evolving? For example, one of the least needed body parts is the “little toe.” It doesn’t really do anything and there is no real purpose for it. Yet through the years of time, that little toe has not worn away due to evolution at all. I would think that if evolution plays a part in our current state then why doesn’t it “continue” to happen? There are scientists who will claim that things like Noah’s ark didn’t happen, or that there are no such things as aliens or ghosts. I say that if “we” exist then just about “anything else” can possibly exist, and that “includes” a “supreme” being. Scientists can only formulate through their own knowledge, but what if that knowledge is somehow “incomplete?” Do we in fact know “everything” that we need to know to “justify” our existence? I would never be one to refute science, but I also know that not “ALL” things are “explainable.” Evolution may incorporate the concept of “change” but it still doesn’t explain how we got here. Until it does, I am sticking with “God.” Hopefully, you will too… Thank you for posing this topic, and please welcome someone who needs no introduction, the Phantom Poet:
When discussing the very origins of life, my friends and I were seeking a solution
I believe in the ways of the Bible, while they are more in tune with evolution
I will stick with my religion, and if this seems like I am in defiance
I just have faith, and that should not be any knock on science
My friends said we descended from apes, and this I just cannot see
Even if science proves that, it still doesn’t explain how we came to be
The scientists theories are based on old skeletons that they had found
But if we descended from apes, then why are monkeys “still around?”
Scientists “believe” they have the theory on the development of the human race
but their logic still doesn’t explain just how we even got here in the first place
And how do they explain other forms like snakes, lizards, moose and piranha?
I think we need to tell that scientist to sit down and “have a banana”
Because if a scientist asks my opinion, I will surely turn and give him the “nod”
As far as I am concerned, the only reason we are here is because of God
There are “many” theories and explanations, but if you really want to know the reason why?
I think you can find all the answers you seek, but confronting a source much higher… than you or I…
“Have a blessed day today”… the Phantom Poet
If you like, you can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.
Singer Stephanie Mills and Brett Jolly
I have been feeling down in the dumps lately. I don’t have a high paying job, and the one job I have is really stressing me out. It is tough to pay my bills because everything costs too damn much. I want to have a decent amount of money like most other people, but I am feeling so broke right now. Is there anything you tell me that can possibly cheer me up?
Yes! My brother just got back from a vacation to other parts of the world like China, Australia and South Africa, and what he told me upon his return was something that everyone in your situation needs to hear. He came across entire houses in his journeys that “size-wise” would be the equivalent of a small room. In one particular room he saw, THREE (3) people were living there, each one having a small “portion” of the room (their beds took up most of the space). There was no television, no computer and practically no room to move. My brother asked them what they would do if they ever wanted to entertain company privately. The one guy pointed up to an entrance that led up to the roof. That was the only privacy they could have. The deep part about this is that their living conditions were “widely accepted” so they didn’t get down on themselves. As for your situation, I may not know your circumstances, but I will gladly wager that you are living better off than these people were. When I went on tour years back. I recall going to Brazil and actually “witnessing” people “living on the beaches.” There was no shelter at all for them. That had to be a terrible living condition for them, but they too were adjusted to it. When I was in Africa I saw people running onto the road from their tents trying to sell watermelon and bottled water along the road. They lived in those tents with no running water and their revenue was based on someone buying what they were selling. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that “poverty is relative.” As poor as you may “believe” you are, chances are there is someone out there in this world who is far worse off than you. The deep part about this is that they are probably acclimated to their situation and don’t feel as bad about it as you do. Granted, just about everyone wants better circumstances, but it is not what you have that makes your life better, but rather what you “do with what you have.” There are a lot of rich people out there who are not happy, which should prove to you that money is NOT a “cure all.” If you have shelter and can afford to eat, then you are doing well. You can, however, work towards making your circumstances better. Stop feeling down, and instead feel “blessed.” Once you accomplish that mind set, then the sky can be the limit for you. Good luck, and Happy Memorial Day to everyone.
If you like, you can send me a friend request on Skype at Brettjolly1. Thank you and have a great day.
Billy Paul (“Me and Mrs. Jones”) and Brett Jolly performing in Tunisia, Africa