Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Abused friend”)

I am concerned about my friend who was in a long relationship with the wrong man. Her boyfriend was controlling, and obsessive too. After more than a decade of dating, they got married. She admitted he has been verbally and physically abusive, so she asked him to leave. He packed his things and has left.  I want to help, I think she needs consoling? Is it enough to just ask her how she is and hope she’ll confide in me, or will that just invoke anguish, maybe even cause her to regret having ever told me? I’m afraid it’s not over. I’m worried he’ll return for revenge and do something awful; something regrettable.

This is a very sensitive situation, and it is important to handle it with care. Your friend might need consoling but the cure for what ails her probably runs much deeper than that. If she has been abused, then she could have problems “below the surface” that you would not be able to detect. Chances are that if he was controlling and abusive towards her he was probably that way for the full duration of their relationship (If they were together for over a decade then that could have long lasting effects). No one can tell you for sure what her reaction will be should you reach out to her, but that shouldn’t stop you from initiating the action. The fact that she was even “able” to summon the strength to ask him to leave is something positive, because most victims of severe abuse are usually too afraid of their abusers to take that step. She may need an outlet or a shoulder to lean on. A decade of abuse is not something that she should just “keep” inside. There are women’s abuse groups that can help her cope with her situation but it is imperative that she knows of their existence. Talk to her, but mostly importantly “listen” to her, because if she felt victimized by this man then she probably needs to vent a “lot.” If you detect “anything” in her conversation that feels “troubling” then you may need to contact the “Women’s abuse groups” yourself and ask for assistance. It is admirable for you to want to help but remember that you can only go so far with her. If she refuses to confide in you then there won’t be much else you can do, but there should be nothing wrong with at least “reaching out” to her. Good luck to you, and to her… Here is the Phantom Poet with his OWN remedy for this man:

A busted nose, a black eye, a fragile character and a busted lip
These are just some of the things that can happen in an abusive relationship
There is no excuse for a man to engage in abuse that is excessive
And a woman should not be with a man who is controlling or possessive
A man should always be respectful to a woman whenever love calls
And if he is abusive in “any” way towards her, then he should be hung by his “neck”
There are women who have been damaged by these relationships and many have fears
These men should be locked up in jail with big 300 pound men who haven’t “had any” in years
That way these men can feel the fear of women and know how they live
Because in jail it is “NOT” better to “receive” than it is to “give”
Because if you are locked up with a big inmate then your story will begin to tell
You will develop an “open mind” towards women’s rights (with OTHER open areas as well)
Because if you engage in abusive behavior that causes a women to holler or scream
Be prepared to find a “new” lover in jail who is “much” bigger than you named “Kareem”
So while you are getting “abused” over and over again while waiting and draining all your appeals
You will finally get to realize that what you did was wrong, and now you know how a woman feels…

“Oh no! NOT the 3:00 am rise and shine moment again”… The Phantom Poet

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Aretha Franklin and Brett Jolly onstage