I ran into an old high school sweetheart one day while home on break from college. She married a guy who is 25 years her senior and they have kids together, while also raising his kids from his previous marriage. My college girlfriend and I have been at wits ends with each other for quite a while and I was contemplating moving out when I got back after break. I was thinking about asking my high school sweetheart to come back to college with me and get a place together, she is financial stable from an insurance policy from her father’s death so she doesn’t need to find a job and stay at home to care for her kids. When I proposed this to her, she said she can’t possibly leave her husband no matter how miserable she is. We’ve had sex almost every night since I’ve been back. Was she using me?
“Yes”… and “no.” She probably made a mistake in marrying someone 25 years older (but we all make mistakes in our lives). However, she is wrong (and so are you for helping her “cheat” on her marriage). She is probably just trying to honor her commitment to her husband (even though having sex with you every night might be considered a “slight” deviance from her wedding vows). If you “knew” her situation at the beginning and “accepted” it, then she is not using you for anything. You are just as much a part of this as she is. She was already spoken for when you got back with her, and you are now making the assumption that you can wrestle her from her family obligations. When it comes to relationships of any kind it is important for both parties to be on the same page (even when it comes to “wrong” relationships like this). While she may be unhappily married it is not up to you to make her choices for her. She has to be able to handle her own situations, and that includes the one she is currently having with you. If you plan to continue this relationship with her, you either need to respect her marriage situation (even though she is not respecting it very much) or just move on, but don’t blame her for something you already knew the details of beforehand. If you have any future expectations with this woman, then the both of you need to sit down and talk about it. Otherwise, you have no right to expect her to change anything in her life. Here is the Phantom Poet to take this debate to the next level:
She is involved in situation and there is no need to pretend
She is a woman with a husband AND a boyfriend
How this scenario played out no one could possibly see
Do you think it is possible that this woman is using me?
She is involved in a marriage with a man who is 25 years older
And she needed a man like me to console and hold her
“I asked her to move out and get a place together with me”
She said that she couldn’t do that no matter miserable she would be
Right now she has the best of all worlds with me, her and “he”
Do you think there is a possibility that she might be using me?
She said that for her to leave her husband would surely not be right
And yet this woman and I are having sex together every night
Am I in essence a home wrecker and should I be so accused?
Or should I think about the possibility that I just might be getting used?
I’d like to think she loves me. That is what I want to believe
After she gets hers during sex, she says she is “Finished… now leave”
I ask her repeatedly “Can’t you wait until I at least get mine?”
She says she has to make dinner for her husband and she just doesn’t have time
I told her that I loved her and that I wanted us to experience so much more
She told me “You lay on the bed and get inspired… That’s all I need you for”
I only wanted to make her happy and take her away from everything
She said, “Look, I’m married…. See this ring?”
I told her that she was my life, my utopia, my heart and my shining star
She told me that I was her piece of ass, and be glad that I even got THIS far
It seems that with her marriage she is just as miserable as she can be
But do you somehow get the impression that she might be using me?
“If you are finished reading my article you can leave now” The Phantom Poet
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Singer Allyson Williams and Brett Jolly performing in concert