Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Faking orgasms?”)

I find myself faking my orgasms with my boyfriend of eight months. I know this probably isn’t healthy for our relationship, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him upset. And, honestly, I don’t need to orgasm every time because I still like the intimacy.  But every now and again would be nice. What should I do?
 
“Batteries….” Duracell, Energizer…. Even those cheap bogus brands… No, I am kidding (even though I’m sure some women might take this very seriously). The one thing you shouldn’t do is mislead him into thinking he is taking care of business when he really isn’t. Somewhere down the road the novelty of that will wear off for you, and you will begin to feel frustration.  Having an orgasm doesn’t necessarily have to do with size, but there may be other factors involved. Everyone is built differently, and what may work for some doesn’t necessarily work for others. It has been documented that a little thing like the condom brand you use might make a difference (That is, provided you are actually using protection). As for your man, the best thing to help alert him that he is doing something right is to be more expressive when he is hitting that “right spot.” In other words, “get louder”… like you are howling at the moon or something (or your eyes start to roll up into the back of your head while smoke exits your ears)… Then hopefully he will pick up on some signal to keep doing whatever it is that he is doing (because at that point, what he will believe that what he is doing is working). A man’s ego is the most fragile thing he has (contrary to popular belief) so if you talk to him about this then make sure that you do so in a “loving way.” You don’t even have to tell him that you are not “getting yours” but just express to him some things that you would like him to try when making love. As long as you are still physically attracted to him then it is very possible to work this out.  By the way, are you sure he isn’t also faking his? (Uh, well… Okay, FORGET that thought) Forget the part about the batteries too, even though I have heard that the stores are running out of them, and they have mostly being bought by “WOMEN.” Here is the Phantom Poet before this argument goes any “deeper.”:
 
 
 
So when it comes to having sex with my boyfriend, I never ever decline
But it would be nice in every once in awhile I could at least get “mine”
I love being intimate with him so with each opportunity I’ll take it
But I wonder if he can tell each time we’re together I fake it
I love him, but there is no way that originally I could have seen this
I am not sure if it would even matter if he had a bigger penis
Maybe it’s just something small that amounts to an oversight
Maybe he should go to the left when he wants to go to the right
Even though he is fairly well equipped and certainly well hung
Right now I’d settle if he just had a really long “tongue”
I know that for our relationship faking it really isn’t very healthy
But sometimes I feel I need to pleasure myself… see?
I have decided to tell him, because a girl has to do what a girl has to do
He said, “ I know, and I’ve been faking your credit card payments too”
He said, “You should have been honest with me, so in order to avoid any sexual wars
“I’ll work on paying mine if you work on getting yours”
I feel so bad and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings
My girlfriend said we both should try it hanging upside down from the ceilings
That’s ludicrous, that’s crazy, and there’s no way in the world that could ever do
But you know what? I think it’s working, so keep on going, “Boo”
Oh, WOW! I think I’m arriving. With this method, who needs a bed?
You’d just better hope that I get mine before ALL the blood rushes to your head
It worked! It worked! Now I know the exact way for me to get “that”
So if you intend to stay as my boyfriend, you’d better train to be an acrobat
So for all of you women out there who are trying your best to get your men to “please”
Take it from me. Ain’t NOTHING better then getting it hanging upside down from trees
I never ever thought that I would end up being one of these kind of girls
But I am happy and content. We just have to watch out for any squirrels
This may be a little bit dangerous, but my response to that is, “So what?”
I think we’re okay as long as the squirrel doesn’t go after the wrong kind of “nut”
So we’ve found the solution, and we now know how we need to get busy
And hopefully I will forevermore get mine… BEFORE he gets dizzy…
 
Now THIS is the real definition of “Love Hangover”… The Phantom Poet

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Abused friend”)

I am concerned about my friend who was in a long relationship with the wrong man. Her boyfriend was controlling, and obsessive too. After more than a decade of dating, they got married. She admitted he has been verbally and physically abusive, so she asked him to leave. He packed his things and has left.  I want to help, I think she needs consoling? Is it enough to just ask her how she is and hope she’ll confide in me, or will that just invoke anguish, maybe even cause her to regret having ever told me? I’m afraid it’s not over. I’m worried he’ll return for revenge and do something awful; something regrettable.

This is a very sensitive situation, and it is important to handle it with care. Your friend might need consoling but the cure for what ails her probably runs much deeper than that. If she has been abused, then she could have problems “below the surface” that you would not be able to detect. Chances are that if he was controlling and abusive towards her he was probably that way for the full duration of their relationship (If they were together for over a decade then that could have long lasting effects). No one can tell you for sure what her reaction will be should you reach out to her, but that shouldn’t stop you from initiating the action. The fact that she was even “able” to summon the strength to ask him to leave is something positive, because most victims of severe abuse are usually too afraid of their abusers to take that step. She may need an outlet or a shoulder to lean on. A decade of abuse is not something that she should just “keep” inside. There are women’s abuse groups that can help her cope with her situation but it is imperative that she knows of their existence. Talk to her, but mostly importantly “listen” to her, because if she felt victimized by this man then she probably needs to vent a “lot.” If you detect “anything” in her conversation that feels “troubling” then you may need to contact the “Women’s abuse groups” yourself and ask for assistance. It is admirable for you to want to help but remember that you can only go so far with her. If she refuses to confide in you then there won’t be much else you can do, but there should be nothing wrong with at least “reaching out” to her. Good luck to you, and to her… Here is the Phantom Poet with his OWN remedy for this man:

A busted nose, a black eye, a fragile character and a busted lip
These are just some of the things that can happen in an abusive relationship
There is no excuse for a man to engage in abuse that is excessive
And a woman should not be with a man who is controlling or possessive
A man should always be respectful to a woman whenever love calls
And if he is abusive in “any” way towards her, then he should be hung by his “neck”
There are women who have been damaged by these relationships and many have fears
These men should be locked up in jail with big 300 pound men who haven’t “had any” in years
That way these men can feel the fear of women and know how they live
Because in jail it is “NOT” better to “receive” than it is to “give”
Because if you are locked up with a big inmate then your story will begin to tell
You will develop an “open mind” towards women’s rights (with OTHER open areas as well)
Because if you engage in abusive behavior that causes a women to holler or scream
Be prepared to find a “new” lover in jail who is “much” bigger than you named “Kareem”
So while you are getting “abused” over and over again while waiting and draining all your appeals
You will finally get to realize that what you did was wrong, and now you know how a woman feels…

“Oh no! NOT the 3:00 am rise and shine moment again”… The Phantom Poet

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “He tries to deter me from my business aspirations”)

I don’t have a love relationship question, but I do have something that I hope you can help me out with. I am currently in a relationship with a very nice man, and he has a very good job. However, I am interested in starting up my own business and he keeps trying to persuade me to give up on my dream. He cites the economy and other factors that make me feel like it isn’t worth the effort. Should I give in to what he says or follow my dream?
 
For some reason or other this sounds like a love relationship question to me. The ideal concept of life is to “follow your dreams.” Some of the greatest accomplishments in history started as a small “light bulb” in someone’s mind. If you have something that you truly believe in, then you owe it to yourself to follow your own destiny.  Don’t allow your inspirations to be controlled by others, including those you are in relationships with. Can you imagine how it would have been if Oprah had never followed her vision? Women are playing much bigger roles in the development of our economy and if you give up on your own ideas you may NEVER realize or reach your fullest potential. When it comes to your man, I cannot tell you exactly why he is against your dreams, but I can pretty much speculate. He may be one of those men that have a problem with having a woman who is more successful than he is, and that might be a threat to his own insecurity. You have a right to be successful just like he does, and the worse thing a woman can do is let a man dictate her dreams, inspirations and desires for her… NO ONE should have that kind of control over you. A normal man who cares would support you. If your man keeps downplaying your inspirations, then just stop talking about it to him and just follow through with your plans without his knowledge. If it works and you become successful and wealthy, then you can tell him to quit “HIS” job. If for some reason in the unforeseeable future the both of you break up, then you will be sorry that you allowed him to stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Dare to imagine and take the steps necessary to  reach your goals in life, and if this man is considered “excess weight” when trying to reach the top, there is nothing wrong with letting go of “unnecessary baggage.”   Here is the Phantom Poet with his introduction statement:
 
When your man tries to persuade you to not go into business
Be successful with it anyway, and later on he’ll beg for your forgiveness
Of course he’ll tell you now that your chances of making it are slim
That’s because in reality he doesn’t want you to be more successful than HIM
The things he says to you are only meant as some motivational detractor
When in reality you should use his words as an inspirational factor
You should understand that you being successful probably wouldn’t fill “his” need
And there are plenty of men out there who can’t stand to see their woman succeed
For some reason when it comes to this scenario some men can’t comprehend it
Because it weakens their egos if a woman is deemed “independent”
You are entitled to your dreams as well, and your man should really stop stressing
Because in order for you to make it big, you really DON’T need his blessing
So if he tells you that in your relationship your hopes and dreams are not required
Do it anyway, make millions, buy his company and have HIM fired
Because women are becoming entrepreneurs too, and now businesswomen are living LARGE
And your man is just afraid that one day you will become the “Head B____ in charge.”
So when people ask about your love life, make sure you’re not at a loss
Just tell them “HE wears the pants, but I’M STILL the boss.”
“He doesn’t own nor control me, and I can do ALL that is desired”
“And if he doesn’t like that, then guess what? HE… is fired….”
 
“And you won’t get a raise from here anymore either”
                                                       ” The Phantom Poet”

 

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Singers Kenny Lattimore and Wayne Brady in concert with Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Sister taking advantage of her man)

I have a wonderful man in my life most of the time but this past week has been very difficult for me. See, he has a sister who is always asking him for things especially money… and unfortunately, rarely is appreciative of what he does for her. As a result he is often left feeling used and frustrated with her. Most recently he was supposed to make a large purchase and the day before this purchase she calls him up to borrow all of the money he had to make the large purchase. Of course begrudgingly he gave it to her. She happily took the money and is off living her life happily as usual and of course he is disgusted and has been in a bad mood ever since. He claims that she never helps him when he is in need so he is often frustrated when she asks for money. However he never stops giving it to her. As a result… as his girlfriend I feel the effects of his poor decisions. He is moody with me, short, and isolates himself. I suffer because my man who is usually wonderful now is quiet, removed, and often doesn’t want to talk or spend any time with me when he is in this space. I’m so irritated I feel like giving he and she a piece of mind. How long is too long to wait for this moodiness to subside? What should I do?
 
Do like most women would like to do when it comes to the financial part of your relationship. When he earns his money, make him give it to you so that you can “invest” it for your future together. In fact, you can even give him a steady “allowance” from it so that he can have some spending money of his own, but make sure to keep a certain percentage for future “emergencies.” That way whenever his sister asks him for money she will have to go through YOU to get it (and I’m sure you will LOVE that). This will alleviate your man from having to tell her “No” (because now, YOU will be the one in control of the money and that will put him in a position where he will no longer HAVE to say no to her). Your man is a goodhearted person, but unfortunately there are many devils out there waiting to “take advantage” of goodhearted people like him, and it sounds as though his sister is one of them. If he is as “bummed out” as you say he is, then he would probably WELCOME any excuse to NOT give her money. This is where you can come in. Just take over the finances so that you can invest in some “future upcoming event” of your own choosing, and then when his sister hits him up for money he can let her know that she now has to go through “you” to get it. When his sister realizes that she cannot control you like she does him, then hopefully she will find some new sucker to fleece. It sounds as though you and your man have a great relationship, but when you let others control your happiness then it is no longer just the “two” of you, but also anyone else who has that kind of power over you. Eliminate the third wheel, and stop her from messing up your life together. In the end, your man should appreciate your willingness to help him out by taking the heat off of him, and subsequently the both of you might be able to regain your happiness. On the other side, your man has to stop taking things out on you whenever he cannot control his own family dealings. He needs to “man up” and put his “foot down” and stop having attitudes against you for his own deficiencies when it comes to his finances. In essence, he needs “balls”… Let him know that you are not responsible for his family and that you should not have to suffer the brunt every time he gives in to the demands of his sister. He needs to know just how much he is hurting you with his actions and the best way for him to find out is to just TELL him. Maybe if you stand up to him, then he will find the courage to stand up to his sister. Communication is always vital in any relationship… Here is the Phantom Poet to offer and whole other twist to this saga:
 
When it comes to his sister, my man is always lending her money
But that ain’t helping us pay any of the bills around here, “Honey.”
The only reason that she borrows from you is because she knows she can
If she weren’t so ugly then by now she would have found herself a man
I realize that when it comes to families “blood is thicker than water”
But your parents should be “horse whipped” for spoiling their money grubbing daughter
It seems like every time she borrows money she has no intentions to return it
If she needs money she should don a hooker outfit, walk the streets and “earn it”
If she prostituted herself she’d have trouble and I see from where that might stem
Because she is so ugly that for sex she might have to pay “them”
Now whenever she borrows money from him I get multiple attitudes in store
I’d like to whack the BOTH of them upside the head with a sturdy two by four
I have a certain way to address her the next time over here she decides to roam
I’ll open the door, smile and say, “Hi, Don’t just stand there, honey… Go home!”
Maybe when it comes to your money, we could lock it in a safe or a vault
But please don’t cop any attitudes with me, because this really isn’t my fault
You need to know that as far as your finances go
There are times when you need to tell your sister “No.”
Because YOU are the one who lends her the money, you see
So there’s really no reason at all for you to have any attitude towards me
If you need me to provide extra incentive, well, you know I most certainly can
From now on I ain’t having sex with no broke behind man
So if you give her any more money, you’ll be losing more than you realize
And then from you I will undoubtedly withhold my most WORTHY prize
So hopefully with this message you will start to comprehend
When it comes to saving money, you’d better think… before you lend…
 
“A penny saved collects interest”… The Phantom Poet

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Verdine White (Bass player for Earth, Wind and Fire) and Brett Jolly

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Returning expensive gift)

I am a divorcee who just started dating again. He is an older man who is quite well off from his deceased wife’s insurance. We went to dinner the other night and he gave me an expensive gift. I was very flattered but uncomfortable. I am not a materialistic person and I don’t feel right about this gift. How do I return it without hurting his feeling?
 
Just be honest and tell the man you can’t keep it. If you don’t establish your boundaries with him now then how can you expect him to get to learn you later? When relationships start out, men like to please in their own little way, but they are also products of their past relationships (just like women are). He probably gave an expensive item to some other woman in his past that really appreciated it, and just thought that you might like it too. You cannot blame him for trying though, because he is only attempting to learn you just like you are trying to learn him. It is up to you to let him know that you don’t have the same expectations as any of his past relationships. Just tell him that for whatever reason you are not comfortable with accepting any expensive gifts. He might even treasure you more because of it (I don’t think there are too many women out there who will actually “reject” receiving expensive gifts, so you are indeed a rarity). A lot of men are not used to this, so make sure you have smelling salts available for when he “passes out.” When it comes to new relationships, there should always be a learning process. Get to the point where the both of you can at least feel comfortable expressing your ways and views to each other, and just let it flow from there. The worst that can happen it that you are being honest with each other. Can there be anything wrong with that? As for the gift, the Phantom Poet has some other ideas as to how to handle it:
 
I don’t want to start any problems and I don’t mean to cause any rift
But the man I am currently dating decided to give me a very expensive gift
This man is quite well off from his dead wife’s insurance
When it comes to establishing a good relationship I have LOTS of endurance
I was very flattered but uncomfortable. I am not materialistic in any way
I work for a living, have my own job and I can afford to pay
Our relationship will not be materialistic from where my view stands
As for the present, Brett Jolly just offered to take this off my hands
I really don’t want for his feelings to be crushed or even hurt
He could have gotten me a nice sweater or a really nice shirt
I feel “bought” when it comes to expensive gifts, so I ask for no more
So Brett Jolly said to mail this gift to HIM at P.O. box 12584
It just doesn’t feel right accepting money earned from the death of his Mrs.
I just can’t feel comfortable with that, so hopefully he’ll respect my wishes
So once I explain this to him, I will thank him for understanding
And Brett said to mail this gift to him, and pay ALL shipping and handling
I am a divorcee who just started dating again
The last thing I want is to feel like I’m being “bought” by men
While an expensive gift is thoughtful, money won’t buy you love
Less expensive but more thoughtful items are the gifts I dream of
So when your man gives an overly expensive gift, don’t return it. In fact:
Take that gift and mail it to Brett Jolly, and don’t even look back
Before you start to get attached to it, send it to Brett Jolly right away
And if he has no use for it, he’ll gladly sell it for profit on Ebay
And if that doesn’t work, then there are others ways to profit off the top
He can make “Instant cash” at the nearest pawnshop
So ladies, you don’t have to let your men try to “sell themselves on you”
Just mail those unwanted gifts to Brett Jolly, and he’ll know what to do…
Just rush it off to the post office in the morning, about 8:00 or even 9:00
When he receives it, Brett will say, “Signed sealed delivered… It’s mine…”
And Brett hopes that the integrity for your love will ALWAYS be intact
And should you change your mind about the git, forget it, because he ain’t giving it back
 
“I keepeth, and I won’t giveth backeth”… The Phantom Poet

 

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Stevie Wonder and Brett Jolly

 

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