Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: She wants a married man)

Subject: She wants a married man
I’m a single man, in my mid-forties who has never been married. I fell in love with a divorced mother of two who told me while we were dating that for the last 10 years she’d been having an affair with a married man. She left her husband because he promised he’d leave his wife and marry her, but he reneged — so they met twice a week for sex. He worked nearby and would stop over during his lunch break. She told me all this while I was seeing her. She finally broke it off about six months ago, saying she knew he was no good for her. Subsequently, I gave her a job in my business, and she has turned out to be an excellent employee. Well, she recently confided to me that he came over during the holidays and they’d had sex. She said that she didn’t “fight it off” when he made his advances. We no longer date, but I still have strong feelings for her.  How can I break the spell he has cast over her?


By continuing to be the good man that you are. Even though she had a relapse (and had a fling with him) the hurt and pain is still there for her. She still knows that this man and this situation are no good for her, but she has needs just like the rest of us. You should tell her everything that you feel about her, but you also need to let her know that even though you love her tremendously you cannot allow yourself to be put through the same drama that she is going through with him. Let her know that you only need one woman in your life, and will not deal with the extra baggage of another man in your relationship. Tell her that if she wants to continue seeing this married man then she needs to get adjusted to a life of misery and pain. However, if she wants a truly monogamous relationship with a man who cares for her then she needs to make a re-assessment and open her eyes. I am curious to know WHY the both of you no longer date. Was it because she revealed to you the details of this married man relationship? Was it because one of you lost interest? Hopefully you realize that once you made her an employee you automatically put her in a position where she SHOULDN’T be involved with you romantically (Everyone knows the morals of dating people where you work). The best you can do is let her know that you want to be there for her, but that you are only human, too. Let her know that you want to make some woman extremely happy, and you “wish” it could be her. At some point she “should” get tired of experiencing the hurt and hopefully that is when her attention will turn towards you. You, on the other hand, should not want to be with her until she is completely over this guy anyway. She was dating you “on the rebound” and that should never be fun for anyone. Don’t let your heart get in the way of your brain.  Let her know that you are an “all or nothing” man, and that when she is ready to “step up to the plate” and be happy for the rest of her life to give you a call. In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with dating other people. After all, you ARE human too… Here is a tantalizing verse from the Phantom Poet to help elaborate:

When it comes to this woman, for her I will do all I can  

But I don’t understand why she continues an affair with a married man

She can have all the happiness in the world by staying with me

Maybe both of us are misguided in thinking this could be

I have helped her out and even given her an employment position

I want her in my life, but under a monogamous condition

I am in my mid forties, and I have never had a wife

I am in danger of being single for the rest of my life

I just want to make someone happy, and happy to be with me

At some point I need to realize that there are other fish in the sea

There’s this big woman named Wanda with a big derriere

She seems kind of huge, but it ain’t bad looking back there

I can tell she likes my personality, and sincerely likes my charm

And she’s so big that during the winter she’ll keep me warm

I’d like a smaller woman, but Big Wanda just might do

She weighs about 275 with a size 13 shoe

I surely can’t lift her, but she’s got it going on, though

She drinks a lot of coffee and she “burps” real low

I think she’s kind of sexy, and now without a doubt

I’m going to ask to take big old Wanda out

She may not be the one I want, but she might be what I need

When trying to lift her I might have to concede

Bubbles appear out of her nose whenever she has laughter

But she is available, so hopefully we can live… happily ever after…


“Love on top? I don’t think so”… The Phantom Poet


Ashanti and Brett Jolly onstage