Subject: Getting the crumbs
I have been “dating” this man for over 4 months. We are in a committed relationship, as in he is not seeing anyone else nor am I. Our relationship changed into a physical relationship around 2 1/2 months after seeing each other. It only lasted a couple of weeks and has since stopped. We have not been physically intimate since because he says he is not ready. The reason he says he is not ready is because he was in a relationship for 12 years with a woman who he was not married to that cheated on him and left him for another man. The relationship has been over for approximately 11 months. He since just found out over the last 2 – 3 weeks that she married the man she left him for. He says that because he was used to receiving “crumbs” in his previous relationship, that basically I am “over filling” him. I am trying to be patient and understanding with his emotional wants and needs, but when does it end? I feel like I am now the one receiving the “crumbs” and that in turn I am in his position that he was in for 12 years
And if you don’t take the proper recourse you will end up with the same results. There is a lot wrong here, but you do have an option. Your man is confused and is not capable of satisfying your needs right now. That’s a fact. What he really needs is “time” to figure out who he is and where he belongs. As long as you continue to wait for him to get his act together you will be the one left “empty handed”. Right now the best way for him to understand what you mean to him is for you to be “missed” by him. He knows what a good woman you are but he is taking your circumstances for granted. That is wrong and unfair to you. If he still ponders what his ex is doing, then that means that he is obviously not over his ex… As for him not “being ready” physically I find that to be funny, because he was surely ready 2 ½ months into your relationship. Now his feelings have “turned off” after he “got some?” Something doesn’t add up here. The best way to stop “over filling” him is to stop “seeing” him… It seems he has these strong feelings for women that leave him, so you might as well add your name to that number… Tell him that you will give him space to get his sh- (uh… “act”) together. Tell him to call you when he finally decides to “let go” of his ex. In the meantime, let him know that you have plans to date again so that you won’t become such a burden to him (That is a really nice way to put it, when in reality you want to say, “You are going to miss me when I’m gone, you pompous, ignorant moron”). He may like “crumbs” but that doesn’t mean that “you” have to eat them, too. Your steak, cake and bacon are waiting for you, and if he cannot be the right chef for you then just go visit “another diner.” You might find the food “and” the service to be much better. Here is the Phantom Poet with a “crummy” recital:
I met a new man, and we have been trying to build our relationship steady
After ALREADY having sex, he stopped, and told me that he is not ready
I tried to hold my composure and even tried counting to ten
If you had sex once with me, then you only need to do so again!
He says that he has not recovered from past events in his life
He was hooked up for 12 years with some woman that was not even his wife
How can you possible go that long in a relationship and not even commit?
Maybe when he has a good thing going, he doesn’t know how to handle it
If he won’t touch me, then I don’t need his loving, compassion or wealth
And hey, when it comes down to sex, I‘m aptly prepared to do it “myself“
Even though I treasure our relationship and hold him so dear
I only need the toys to get it done, and I got one right here
So do I need you? Not really, and for that there can be no doubt
For now I’m about satisfying me, and that’s what THIS is all about
So if you still have love for your ex, then you should know what to expect
If you think I have nothing better to do, then here’s a “reality check”.
I may not be great at math, but I know that 1 plus 1 does not equal 3
So if you can’t let go of your ex, then you can see “one less” of me
You will find that one day when you really need me the most
You will have lost me because you decided to go chasing a ghost
I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but I had feelings for you
Because you can’t have your “crumbs’… and eat them, too…
“Burp!”… The Phantom Poet
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Remember Wonder Woman? Here is Linda Carter (who now sings country music) and Brett Jolly before a concert together.