Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (How men deal with emotional intensity)

Question: How do you make a man feel safe enough to be honest and open with you?  I know men don’t like emotional intensity or hidden tension.  That kind of “drama” pushes a man away and makes him want to clam up and withdraw. How can we help our men to feel safe with us?

Now this is an interesting question. My first response would be, “What would possibly make you think that your man is NOT being honest and open with you?” Has he given you any type of indication that he is being dishonest in any way? My next question after that would be “What makes you think that he doesn’t already feel SAFE enough to confide what he feels to you?”  EVERYONE is different and even though your statement has great “general validity” we simply can’t apply the same answers to “each and every” man. If your “particular” man is not being honest with you emotionally then one good reason might be because he just doesn’t express himself well “emotionally.” Unfortunately, another reason might be the fact that he actually IS hiding something from you. Honesty is something that should come from within us and if a man feels he can’t be honest with you then in most cases that means he can’t be honest with himself. He knows when he is doing wrong but he can’t trust himself to continually do right by you. That would not be a reflection on “you” but rather on “him.” In “general,” men may not like emotional intensity, but in “some” cases men deal with it on a “daily basis.” The best way to “learn” what makes your man tick is simple: “Trial and error.” If you get upset at the “drop of a hat” continually then you will start to “lose” your emotional hold over a man. Your man will see you cry and then say “That’s nothing… She cries over everything.” Also, if you talk to your man over the phone and after awhile it feels like he is losing interest then that might mean your phone conversation is going “a little too long” for him. If you want to argue about something a man might withdraw simply for the fact that he is tired and doesn’t feel emotionally up to debating with you today. Your man probably won’t want to mention this to you because we really “don’t” like drama, and he knows if he tells you about it then you might get upset (hence, more possible drama). You can make your man feel a whole lot safer with you by learning his “limits, interests and important times to submit emotional discussions.” If you are saying something that is getting on your man’s nerves he might clam up just so not to start a combustible fire argument. When that happens, you might think he is not contributing emotionally but the reality of it is that he just doesn’t “feel” like arguing right now.  Learn the proper “ways, times and methods” to bring up an emotional discussion with him and you will probably get a lot more out of him emotionally, but above all keep in mind that men and women often have different perceptions of the world… We may not see it the same way as you do… Here is the Phantom Poet to make you cry in an entirely different way:

How do you make a man feel safe enough to be honest and open with you?
You can start by putting down the knife (That’s one thing you should do)
That kind of drama can actually push a man away
Plus if a man says something wrong, he could get stabbed on this day
You say men don’t like emotional intensity or hidden tension
Men also don’t like “bullets” (that’s something else you should mention)
Certain types of drama will make your man want to clam up and withdraw
Plus if you are wielding a hammer, most men don’t want a broken jaw
If a woman wants a man to express himself emotionally to all her drama
He may listen silently and say nothing, to avoid going to the hospital for trauma
Because the real truth about relationships is that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus
Because of this a woman expresses herself from  the heart, while a man thinks with his “Personality”
So in order to have a loving relationship free of tribulation and terror
Just try to learn your man through the process of “trial and error”
You will earn his love, his faith in you, and you can share in his laughter
But above all, you just might succeed in being together “happily ever after”…

This is an emotionally funny video about PMS… Just click on the link below (or copy and paste it into your browser):

http://youtu.be/5StlIDbWqdw

 

Oliva Newton John, Brett Jolly and Amy SkyImage