Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Military love)

Dear Brett,
Subject: Military love
My girlfriend and I recently broke up. We have known each other for almost 8 years. (Mostly long distance as I’m in the military.) My world fell apart. I loved her since the day we met and I fell in love not long thereafter. I want her back but she insists we are done for good. I told her we could be friends and I would not pressure her to get back with me. I think however if I do, she will come back. If I don’t she will not come back. What do I do? Even if we get back together we will still be long distance for three more years. Can it work?
Your issue is one of timing. It sounds as though the reason your girl broke up with you is because you ARE in the military and so far apart from her. It is tough for a woman to love someone for such a long time and still be so distant from him. So much can happen in 8 years (and even more when you add another 3 years to it). It would be unfair for you to expect her to wait for you, because you are asking her to sacrifice a big chunk of her life on the hopes that you and her will still be the same people when you finally come back home. Because of the fact that you are in the military, there is even a chance that you might not come back at all. I hate to say that but you and her both have to look at reality. I think the best thing you can do is to let her live her life, but still keep in contact with her (if she allows it). If she happens to find someone else then there is nothing you can do about that. However, if she doesn’t, then continue communication until you get back home to see her and then see if you still have the same chemistry. That way the options will still be open for the both of you. Right now it makes no sense to have some of commitment. You’re not there, and you cannot be there for another 3 years.  There is a lot less pressure with the both of you being broken up. Besides, you need all of your concentration where you are, because one stray thought could cost you your life. If she is telling you that she is done for good then it could be the truth, or it could just be her defense mechanisms in place so that she doesn’t feel hurt from your absence. It is important for you to understand WHY she feels the way she does. If she didn’t love you, then it wouldn’t make a difference to her. Most men need to realize that when their women say certain things you need to search beyond the surface of what they are saying, because most women will speak from their own emotions.  When you understand your woman emotionally then you stand a much better chance of keeping her and making her happy. Here is a military poem from the Phantom Poet.
My woman is the one that I have always been longing for
However, I cannot be there for her, because I am currently at war
She says we are “broke up” and we are definitely done for good
She knows that I would be there for her if I only could
I hate to feel so down, so sad and downtrodden
I thought this war would end with the death of Osama bin Ladin
In the meantime, I hope my girl can hold off for as long as she can
I would hate to come home and find her in the arms of another man
If it’s meant for me to get back with her, then I most certainly will then,
If not, then I may come home to find her married, with children
In fact, there is no telling just what I might find
She may have a little son with a voice deeper than mine
She could also have about 6 or 7 kids hanging around
The father probably had enough, and decided to leave town
It could possibly be even worse than it sounds
What if during this time she actually put on 50 or so pounds?
A lot could have happened in about 8 years or so
She might be walking around sporting a purple wig. Yo!
She may only have about 50% of her teeth or possibly more
Maybe I had better take my chances and stick with the war
If she’s fat, ugly and a bum, those traits most certainly won’t be missed
So I think I will play it safe…I will head back to the office… and re-enlist…
                              “Don’t wait up for me, Honey!” The Phantom Poet


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Singer/actor Tyrese and Brett Jolly performing