Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: No more physical attraction)

Subject: No more physical attraction
 
I have a wonderful wife of 10 years. She is caring, fun, witty, smart & interesting. I love her with all my heart but in the last several years our sex life has become non-existent. This is partly because she is never the aggressor and I am truly not physically attracted to her any longer. How can I force myself to be turned on by someone who used to do so but doesn’t any longer? I guess it’s the difference between love and lust-but how do I stay faithful in a relationship if the attraction isn’t there anymore?
 
Do like “most” couples do… close your eyes and pretend your spouse is your favorite film screen idol. If your wife is now 40 pounds overweight and looking like “John shot the sheriff” then close your eyes and pretend she’s Kim Kardashian or somebody. In fact, pretend she is Kim with an eating disorder… Yeah, that’s it! Hey, don’t laugh. How many of you out there reading this article will even ADMIT that you PRETENDED you were with someone else when having sex? I notice the only ones NOT raising their hands are the ones whose spouses are currently standing right next to them. “Smart move”… Don’t worry… You can raise your hands later on after he or she is asleep. Okay, I guess the “pretend” thing may not work. Well then, you MIGHT want to try something like counseling. Most people shudder when the word counseling is even mentioned because it makes them think that they are crazy or something, but actually there are many sane intelligent people who utilize it. What “counseling” does is give you insight into what is changing in your marriage. It points out the things that often change in a relationship and then helps you correct them to the point of making you both happy again. Often when couples get married, they never ponder the thought that the person they started out with will NOT be the same person they end up with. In other words, as we grow older, we all change… That slim waist might be nothing but a memory in ten years. The long hair might fade away gradually and those muscles might sag a little bit. It falls under the concept of growing “old”. Once age starts to set in sometimes people have to do a little more “pretending” when it comes to “hitting it” with his or her spouse. If your wife is no longer the aggressor then it is possible that she may have lost her desire for you as well. She may have to pretend you’re Tom Cruise or somebody. There are products to help bring the “life” back into your marriage. Things like Viagra are supposed to ignite the desire, but in order to re-fresh things it usually takes good communication, and you may need to incorporate a third party (No, NOT a three-some. I am referring to a counselor). Also doing things like taking trips together has been known to fire up stuff long thought to be dormant. There are ways to spice up your marriage, and sometimes it is not as difficult as you may think. While true love comes from within there is nothing wrong with tightening up your “outer” self every once in awhile. Try your best to stay appealing to your mate, and make your marriage love life last (try to say THAT 3 times fast). Here is a Phantom Poet reminder of how great love can be:
 
 
 
I have loved my wife for well over a decade
But the sex in our marriage has started to fade
We used to do it in the car, in the basement and on the rug
Now we can’t THINK about doing it until after I’ve had that little drug
When it now comes to her, the sex appeal is no longer there
She has let go of her figure and doesn’t even try to fix her hair
When I even THINK of having sex with her, it just gives me nightmares
She said that she owns little battery-operated gadgets in a locked box upstairs
Well what about me? Don’t I deserve to get my stuff off too?
Maybe I need to go out and buy me a balloon Betty Boo
Don’t laugh; there are times when this particular doll will do
But when she is deflated, most times I am, too
Otherwise, if we are going to do this, I will need to close my eyes and dream
And pretend that you are Kim Kardasian covered in nothing but ice cream
If this works for you, then you can surely do that same
Just please do me a favor and don’t call me someone else’s name
I think we have now discovered the way to have happy sex in our home
We just turn out all the lights and let our imaginations roam
So if YOU have a sex problem, there’s no need to place it on the shelf
Just have fun with your spouse, and pretend he or she is someone else
 
“Aw, baby, now WHY did you have to turn the lights back on so soon?” The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@love-notes.co

 

Frankie Beverly and Brett Jolly (top middle) in concert

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