Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: rude family behavior)

My husband reads the newspaper at the dinner table in front of the children. He says it’s the only time he has to read. I say it’s rude since there are other people sitting there?
The only thing I can tell you is that I also read at dinnertime (but I do so in front of my television set, which is probably rude to the actual program itself). I don’t think I have ever heard of any etiquette that says no one should read a newspaper at the dinner table.   However, I do think it would be rude to cut your toenails at the dinner table… It would be rude to sit at the table shirtless (unless, of course, you got something “really” kinky going on). I honestly don’t think you should ever wear a bad wig to the dinner table (If it looks real embarrassing, people might giggle real hard and choke to death). I SINCERELY think that NO ONE should ever come to the dinner table without TEETH (All of you older aunts and uncles, please take heed). I REALLY don’t like when people blow their noses at restaurants. I also hate it when people complain loudly at restaurants. Come to think of it, I hate when people “fight” at restaurants (I guess you are now thinking “Where does HE go to eat?)”  It is rude to “break wind” at the table… It is rude to “break” the table. It is rude to crack your knuckles at the table. It is rude to crack someone’s fool head at the table. It is rude to grope someone at the table (UNLESS, of course, you are into something REALLY kinky). I think it would be EXTREMELY impolite to play Jay-Z’s song “99 problems” as dinner music. Okay, now that we have emptied our bag of senseless concepts, maybe we can now address the issue at hand. It is difficult for me to imagine families even sitting at a dinner table anymore. From what I have heard, most family members take their grub into other parts of the house to kick it out. However, if you are one of those old fashioned households that adhere to the principle of families eating together at the dinner table, then I think it would be rude to bring a newspaper to read during that time.  A newspaper can appear to be some sort of barrier between family communication, and part of the reason for even having family dinners together at the table is to “tighten” the concept of family…  If you intend on being a “traditionalist” family when it comes to eating together, then you may as well take it to the fullest extent of the family definition. Tell your husband to either put the paper down or don’t eat at the table with everyone else. Now, if he leaves the table, he had better not try to come over my place to eat. My dog will bite him… Okay, while we are on that subject, please take a good “bite” out of this plump morsel from the Phantom Poet:
My husband likes to read the newspaper at the dinner table
His reason for doing so is because he is “able”
I tell him all the time that to do so is impolite
He looks at me, puts the paper back up to his face and says “Yeah… All right…”
The dinner table is the place for family to eat together
It is not a place where you brush up on sports, news and weather
He should treat us better as a family, and he should act like he does care
He said, “I’m taking my newspaper to the bathroom… Y’all won’t follow me there”
I told him to be polite, and be a husband with some “class”
He said, “Today’s front page story reads that my wife is a pain in the ass”
I said, “You ain’t no VIP, and you certainly ain’t no dignitary”
“If you don’t put that paper down, you might read your OWN name in the obituary
He lowered the paper, and with an expression that seemed grim
He noticed a big old steak knife pointing directly back at him
He said, “I guess I’ll put this down now, and maybe take up another quest
Because it is obvious that my wife is trying to be a cut above the rest”
“From now on I’ll read it in the bathroom, and that is a definite fact
Because I really DO want to keep ALL my organs intact…”
I truly do love you, baby…. My love for our family is so true
I have also grown a newfound appreciation for your steak knife too
Please pass the turkey, the stuffing, and the dressing
Since I’m still alive at this dinner table, I guess I ‘LL say the blessing
“Thank you, Lord, for allowing us to eat at the table as a family again”
“And while you’re at it, thank you for calming down my wife… Amen…”
                Yet ANOTHER special family moment from the Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought page, please feel free to email me at

Muzic Soulchild and Brett Jolly at PIR studios in Philadelphia