Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Death of a distant father)

Subject: Death of a distant father
I never married my son’s father. He never became a part of their lives until they were teenagers, and at that point only for a few years and then he moved away. Well, he has died, and my son at school is only a few hours away from where their dad lives. Should I tell my son on the phone or should I go to the school and tell him in person?
I am assuming that your son has gone away to college. No matter what little role his father played in his life, he was still his father. I don’t think the way you tell him is of much importance as long as you do tell him…  If he is heavily distraught, then he may ask you to come be there to be with him. A lot depends on how he felt about his father. You only need to ask your son, and I am sure he will have no problems expressing what he feels to you. It is so unfortunate for any father to be so distant from his children.  I could not imagine not being there for my kid’s graduations, birthdays and other special events. These are the kinds of memories that a father should dream of experiencing with his kids.  This type of story pains me because the love of your own child is so special. He should have been more involved in his son’s life. That is supposed to be what “fathers” do… As for this situation, any loss of life is tragic, but to lose sight of what your life could have meant to someone else is even more devastating. His father probably died not knowing much about the great son he had, and that is a truly disturbing thought. If you cannot value your own life, then at least value the lives you created. If your son is in college, then he is grown enough to handle this by phone. If he needs you to be there, then you can go visit. Maybe you can pick up the Phantom Poet on the way:
I never intended to become my son’s father’s wife
But now all of that is lost with the passing of his life
I really don’t want to confuse my son’s feelings with my own
So I don’t know whether to tell him in person, or do so by phone
I don’t know how my son will feel, or what he might actually do
So when I told him the news, his initial words were “Who?”
My son said, “I guess you don’t realize this, but it’s about time you should know.
To me, my daddy died a LONG time ago”
He missed all of my awards, and even missed my graduation
Now I wish him much luck in his “new” location
I didn’t know too much about him, he was as secret as he could be
I guess he never had any real intentions of being a good dad for me
If he had any love for me, he kept it secret, and that’s a shame
When I graduate, I’ll still send him an invitation. The results will still be the same
I don’t feel any sense of loss, I don’t feel anger, and I’m not sad
Because my mother was the best “father” that I ever had
When I wanted to play basketball, she took me to her special place
She would shoot three pointers on me from the corner, and yell out “face”
When it came to playing against her, my game couldn’t get any worse
My mom went and did a tomahawk dunk on me…in reverse…
I never knew she could jump so high… It seemed so unlikely
She was wearing me out, while never once smudging her Nikes
Her game was awesome, and her crossover was wicked
Now I’m an all star player, and for each game she will have a ticket
So don’t even mention my dad, because I see life for what it is
He probably left home because her ball game was better than his
So when it comes to Father’s Day, for me it is never much of a bother
I just honor the lady who raised me right, the one “deserving” to be called “father”
“Aw, Mom… Don’t go dunking in me while wearing heels”… The Phantom Poet


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Holly Robinson-Peete and Brett Jolly just before a performance