Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: rude family behavior)

My husband reads the newspaper at the dinner table in front of the children. He says it’s the only time he has to read. I say it’s rude since there are other people sitting there?
 
The only thing I can tell you is that I also read at dinnertime (but I do so in front of my television set, which is probably rude to the actual program itself). I don’t think I have ever heard of any etiquette that says no one should read a newspaper at the dinner table.   However, I do think it would be rude to cut your toenails at the dinner table… It would be rude to sit at the table shirtless (unless, of course, you got something “really” kinky going on). I honestly don’t think you should ever wear a bad wig to the dinner table (If it looks real embarrassing, people might giggle real hard and choke to death). I SINCERELY think that NO ONE should ever come to the dinner table without TEETH (All of you older aunts and uncles, please take heed). I REALLY don’t like when people blow their noses at restaurants. I also hate it when people complain loudly at restaurants. Come to think of it, I hate when people “fight” at restaurants (I guess you are now thinking “Where does HE go to eat?)”  It is rude to “break wind” at the table… It is rude to “break” the table. It is rude to crack your knuckles at the table. It is rude to crack someone’s fool head at the table. It is rude to grope someone at the table (UNLESS, of course, you are into something REALLY kinky). I think it would be EXTREMELY impolite to play Jay-Z’s song “99 problems” as dinner music. Okay, now that we have emptied our bag of senseless concepts, maybe we can now address the issue at hand. It is difficult for me to imagine families even sitting at a dinner table anymore. From what I have heard, most family members take their grub into other parts of the house to kick it out. However, if you are one of those old fashioned households that adhere to the principle of families eating together at the dinner table, then I think it would be rude to bring a newspaper to read during that time.  A newspaper can appear to be some sort of barrier between family communication, and part of the reason for even having family dinners together at the table is to “tighten” the concept of family…  If you intend on being a “traditionalist” family when it comes to eating together, then you may as well take it to the fullest extent of the family definition. Tell your husband to either put the paper down or don’t eat at the table with everyone else. Now, if he leaves the table, he had better not try to come over my place to eat. My dog will bite him… Okay, while we are on that subject, please take a good “bite” out of this plump morsel from the Phantom Poet:
 
 
My husband likes to read the newspaper at the dinner table
His reason for doing so is because he is “able”
I tell him all the time that to do so is impolite
He looks at me, puts the paper back up to his face and says “Yeah… All right…”
The dinner table is the place for family to eat together
It is not a place where you brush up on sports, news and weather
He should treat us better as a family, and he should act like he does care
He said, “I’m taking my newspaper to the bathroom… Y’all won’t follow me there”
I told him to be polite, and be a husband with some “class”
He said, “Today’s front page story reads that my wife is a pain in the ass”
I said, “You ain’t no VIP, and you certainly ain’t no dignitary”
“If you don’t put that paper down, you might read your OWN name in the obituary
He lowered the paper, and with an expression that seemed grim
He noticed a big old steak knife pointing directly back at him
He said, “I guess I’ll put this down now, and maybe take up another quest
Because it is obvious that my wife is trying to be a cut above the rest”
“From now on I’ll read it in the bathroom, and that is a definite fact
Because I really DO want to keep ALL my organs intact…”
I truly do love you, baby…. My love for our family is so true
I have also grown a newfound appreciation for your steak knife too
Please pass the turkey, the stuffing, and the dressing
Since I’m still alive at this dinner table, I guess I ‘LL say the blessing
“Thank you, Lord, for allowing us to eat at the table as a family again”
“And while you’re at it, thank you for calming down my wife… Amen…”
 
                Yet ANOTHER special family moment from the Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought page, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

Muzic Soulchild and Brett Jolly at PIR studios in Philadelphia

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Neat freak- Not)

Subject: Neat freak… NOT!
 
After 10 years of being married I have been reminded I am a terrible housekeeper. My husband bribes, begs and fought with me over picking up around the house. We do not live in squalor but with kids and meals and sports, etc. there just isn’t time. Why is it so important that things be lined up from a to z instead of us just being happy?
 
“Because your husband is happiest when the house is clean, dammit!”  If your husband has been reminding you for 10 years that you are a terrible housekeeper, it is probably because to “him” you cleaned the house terribly for 10 years. You say that with kids, meals and sports there isn’t time to clean the house, but don’t most other households have circumstances similar to yours?  Normally, if you have kids, they will often eat meals, and some of them may even play sports. Are you saying that because of these things you don’t have time to clean house? Everyone in the household should have some responsibilities when it comes to the upkeep of your home, so the cleaning of it should not fall “solely” on you. However, if everyone else has other responsibilities and you don’t have much when compared to them (or if you are home during the day when just about everyone else is out) then it might be considered the proper thing to pick up around the house every once in a while (okay, maybe every “twice” in a while). I am not one to stereotype, but in most houses women are usually the neat ones who are often fighting with the men to be a little more orderly and tidy. I find this little bit of role reversal “intriguing.” After 10 years of “sloppy” marriage it will probably be tough for you to change your ways, but if you can make an effort and try it for your family it may make the biggest difference in the world to them. I am sorry, but the excuse about kids and sports and stuff doesn’t cut it. If you have time to shower, then you have time to pick up things around the house (Uh, you DO have time to shower, right?). There is an old saying that goes like this: “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. For God’s sake, woman, start cleaning up! Here is a helpful hint from the Phantom Poet to help you on your way:
 
My husband wants me to pick up around the home
He even asked the Phantom Poet to talk about it in this poem
He then handed me an old mop of his
I couldn’t figure it out and asked, “What in the world is this?”
He said, “Never mind. Why don’t you try out this broom instead?”
I said, “Did this thing come with instructions for I surely have never read”
He said, “ I can’t believe you have never even heard of a broom.
Why don’t you try your luck at using this here vacuum?
Just run it over the floor. In that corner is where you can begin
I did exactly what he said, but I “forgot” to “plug it in”
But I did use it like he asked. It was surely his choice
I just couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t making much noise
He said, “Do you think you could at least find time to wash ONE dish?”
I looked at those things in the sink and said, “Huh… you wish.”
He ALWAYS asks me to do that…  It never, ever fails
But I really don’t want to take a chance on ruining my nails
So one day I tried to wash dishes, but I felt like such a dope
He said, “It’s no good unless you decide to use some soap”
He doesn’t think I can cook either, but I know my cooking is the rave
One morning I fixed him three hard-boiled eggs I put in the microwave
I guess I shouldn’t have done it that way, but I figured I would take the gamble
After the explosion, my husband had his hard boiled eggs… “Scrambled”
Well, I guess I must not be the best housewife in town
But given enough opportunities, my skills will come around
ONE day I will be great at it, and that day will mark my deliverance
Let’s just hope that in the meantime, our house can survive the experience
 
                “The roof…  the roof… the roof is on fire”… The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought page, feel free to email me at Brett#Love-notes.co

 

New generation vocalist Dwele and Brett Jolly performing in concert by the river

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Death of a distant father)

Subject: Death of a distant father
 
I never married my son’s father. He never became a part of their lives until they were teenagers, and at that point only for a few years and then he moved away. Well, he has died, and my son at school is only a few hours away from where their dad lives. Should I tell my son on the phone or should I go to the school and tell him in person?
 
I am assuming that your son has gone away to college. No matter what little role his father played in his life, he was still his father. I don’t think the way you tell him is of much importance as long as you do tell him…  If he is heavily distraught, then he may ask you to come be there to be with him. A lot depends on how he felt about his father. You only need to ask your son, and I am sure he will have no problems expressing what he feels to you. It is so unfortunate for any father to be so distant from his children.  I could not imagine not being there for my kid’s graduations, birthdays and other special events. These are the kinds of memories that a father should dream of experiencing with his kids.  This type of story pains me because the love of your own child is so special. He should have been more involved in his son’s life. That is supposed to be what “fathers” do… As for this situation, any loss of life is tragic, but to lose sight of what your life could have meant to someone else is even more devastating. His father probably died not knowing much about the great son he had, and that is a truly disturbing thought. If you cannot value your own life, then at least value the lives you created. If your son is in college, then he is grown enough to handle this by phone. If he needs you to be there, then you can go visit. Maybe you can pick up the Phantom Poet on the way:
 
I never intended to become my son’s father’s wife
But now all of that is lost with the passing of his life
I really don’t want to confuse my son’s feelings with my own
So I don’t know whether to tell him in person, or do so by phone
I don’t know how my son will feel, or what he might actually do
So when I told him the news, his initial words were “Who?”
My son said, “I guess you don’t realize this, but it’s about time you should know.
To me, my daddy died a LONG time ago”
He missed all of my awards, and even missed my graduation
Now I wish him much luck in his “new” location
I didn’t know too much about him, he was as secret as he could be
I guess he never had any real intentions of being a good dad for me
If he had any love for me, he kept it secret, and that’s a shame
When I graduate, I’ll still send him an invitation. The results will still be the same
I don’t feel any sense of loss, I don’t feel anger, and I’m not sad
Because my mother was the best “father” that I ever had
When I wanted to play basketball, she took me to her special place
She would shoot three pointers on me from the corner, and yell out “face”
When it came to playing against her, my game couldn’t get any worse
My mom went and did a tomahawk dunk on me…in reverse…
I never knew she could jump so high… It seemed so unlikely
She was wearing me out, while never once smudging her Nikes
Her game was awesome, and her crossover was wicked
Now I’m an all star player, and for each game she will have a ticket
So don’t even mention my dad, because I see life for what it is
He probably left home because her ball game was better than his
So when it comes to Father’s Day, for me it is never much of a bother
I just honor the lady who raised me right, the one “deserving” to be called “father”
 
“Aw, Mom… Don’t go dunking in me while wearing heels”… The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

Holly Robinson-Peete and Brett Jolly just before a performance

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Sensitive and shy step daughter)

Subject: Sensitive and shy step daughter
 
My stepdaughter is sweet, sensitive, shy & artistic. She’s not anti-social but has few friends because of the age difference. The friends she does have are only around when she has spending money, or to borrow her things, and not return them. She lives with her mom but when she visits on the weekends she is starved for attention. I tell her stand up for herself, but she said she’d lose her friends if she does. Her mom has low self-esteem and I think that was passed off on to her. Any ideals how I can bolster her self esteems?
 
Absolutely! Can you say “make-over”? Depending on how young (or how old) she is you should dress her up real nice and take her through a complete metamorphosis before setting her loose on the public. Get her a nice dress, send her to a hair stylist, and get some make-up. If necessary, get some of those things that lots of women get. You know what I’m talking about. Buy some of that “horse hair” from the “horse hair store” and “lay those tracks down”… Hey, why not? Everyone else does it!  If you are not well versed in how to doctor her up then just get someone who knows how. Depending on her “foundations” you can even get one of those push up bra thingies. Keep in mind that you are not trying to create the six million dollar woman here, but you need to let her see just how attractive she really can be. The point is to help instill confidence in her. If she is made over well enough I can guarantee she will get all the attention in the world, and probably make a whole bunch of “new” friends in the process. This will do amazing things to her confidence and it will let her know that she can be a very pretty woman when she wants to be. She just needs to see it for herself. If she allows her friends to continually take advantage of her, then her self-esteem will always be weak. A good makeover will help her to realize her “potential” and also help her to stand up for herself. Once you suggest this to her she will probably fight you a little bit over it. Some shy people hesitate when it comes to the makeover thing because they feel it might not work, and therefore make them even more depressed. You need to insist, and if you can, get her mother one too (You might be able to get two for the price of one)… Sometimes we all just need a little “push” to make a difference in our lives. It can come in the form of weight loss, a different hairstyle or just a different way of living. If you are not satisfied with the way you look then by all means “make changes”. You may be very surprised at the difference it can make in your life. Don’t be afraid to take a “chance”… Who knows? You may end up improving your own quality of life… Please check out this quality sermon from the Phantom Poet:
 
 
My stepdaughter is sweet, sensitive and shy
She lets her friends take advantage of her, and I don’t know why
She appears to be lacking in self-esteem
Every time they disrespect her I want to scream
She may lack esteem now, but as it now stands
I see a physical makeover in her future plans
Tomorrow I’m taking her shopping, and she’ll be surprised at what we get
Because the very first place I plan to take her is to Victoria Secret
I want all the men to look at her in awe
So the first thing she needs is an Amazon bra
And maybe I can find some shoes to buy in a pinch
High heels are preferred, about 5 or 6 inch
To walk elegantly in those things will display her talents
Because it surely won’t be easy for her to keep her balance
The next thing we get will help her all the way around
We’re going to buy some hair (preferably by the “pound”)
I want her to look sexy and so very fierce
So next we are going to get her an ear pierce
She’s looking great now, so we don’t want to push our luck
So I guess I will nix the idea of her getting a tummy tuck
Finally, we intend to give this concept a new whirl
We are going to go buy her some mousse (…AND “squirrel”)
“Girl, you are looking good, and by the time I am through
You will have ALL the guys in this joint vying for you”
Let them know what true beauty is all about
And in the process, make sure that none of the “tissue” falls out
NOW your confidence is great, and we know the reason why
Because you now have the BEST looks, that money can buy
 
“Weave will, weave will, rock you”… The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

Teddy Pendergrass and Brett in concert in Los Angeles

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Where are my friends?)

Subject: Where have my friends gone?
 
I had to quit my job because of a sudden illness. After 35 years on the job I thought I had created some great friendships. We would go to lunch together, out for drinks after work, to each other’s houses for birthdays, graduations, baby showers, etc. I am heartbroken now to find out these friendships were only valued by me. I would call my friends on the job only to be told I have to take this other call, I’ll call you back, that was 6 months ago, None of them have even bothered to come visit me to see how I am doing. Should I write these friendships off?
 
Unfortunately, I think your friends have already written it off for you… Sometimes it is important to recognize the signs. It is quite possible that they could have forgotten to call you back, but if you have called several times and they have not returned your calls that is usually a sign that they are no longer interested in being your friends like they were. If I were you, I would not try to pursue or pressure them, because it might only make things worse.  If these people value your friendship at all, then they will eventually contact you in their own time. Otherwise I think you need to write this one off. It is very unfortunate because what they did to you can easily be done to them once they stop working. A friend is a truly valuable asset to have, but being able to “recognize” a good friend is even more valuable. If nothing else, enjoy your friendship with that “man in the mirror” and try to avoid looking over your shoulder at the people in your life who once “were considered” your friends. Your life is just beginning. Don’t be afraid to start anew. If you don’t believe me, then just ask the Phantom Poet:
 
My co-workers and I used to party a lot together
Now whenever I ask them to go out, they respond by saying “Whatever”
I had to quit my job because I suddenly became ill
And when I ask them to call me back, none of them will
After thirty-five years, I thought we were tighter than that
I feel like a Republican trying to befriend a Democrat
“Live and let live”… That has always been my motto…
But now I know those bastards will be calling me soon, because I just hit the Lotto
My picture is on the front page of the newspaper, holding a big behind check
Ah, one of them is ringing my phone right now, I suspect…
“Hi, good friend…Great to hear from you, but your reception sounds real muddy
“Please tell me what I can do for you this day, good buddy?”
“Oh, you say there are problems at the job, and everyone is feeling tension?”
“You think everyone is going to get laid off and even lose their pension?”
“Just thinking about that situation brings me to a tear”
“But I’m trying to figure out why you are even calling me here”
“You say that soon all of my friends are going to be jobless and broke”
“Well I’m now laughing, because to me this is all a big joke”
“After I left, I couldn’t get any of y’all to call me back”
“Now you’re blowing up my phone… Well, what’s up with THAT?”
“Well, I want you all to know that I am doing just fine”
”I will be thinking of you guys when I pass the unemployment line”
“I know you guys will be busy, so I don’t intend to trouble you”
“I will just wave as I drive by in my new BMW”
“There is no need for us to get together for old time’s sake”
“Just because I won a couple of million… give or take
“Well, my good friend, it was great to hear from you”
“But if you expect any money from me, then I’d be dumb too”
“Though I may not be that smart, but I am most certainly rich”
“Tell you what, though…I can treat you all to a hot chicken sandwich”
“It was great to hear from you, but I have to go…Really, I do…”
“I will always remember you as great guys I once knew”
“So before I head towards my journey’s end
I hope you have learned that there is NOTHING more valuable…than a really good friend…
 
                                       Right on! The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

 

Gary U.S. Bonds and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: What to get for birthday)

Subject: What to get
 
I’m dating a guy I really like and want to give him a birthday present. I don’t know what to get. We’ve been dating six months. I don’t want to embarrass him, and I’d like it to be something he can use and really enjoy. Could you give me a few ideas?
 
Absolutely! A lot of men like sports. Giving him tickets to a game would a GREAT idea. If he is like most men, he rarely has time to buy tickets on his own, plus it would be something that the both of you could enjoy together… It might be so much fun to him that the two of you can even have a little sex afterwards (sorry, wrong thought process there). Men also love FOOD. If you know his favorite meal, cook him a great dinner that will REALLY leave a lasting impression on him (or take him out to eat). The great thing about this is that it shouldn’t strain your budget too much, plus the two of you can enjoy some time together, and maybe even have sex afterwards (Aw, man…I said it again… sorry!). If he likes music, you can get concert tickets to see one of his favorite performers. The good thing about this is that you can also share in his world with him by accompanying him to the show (and if he really likes the show, you “KNOW” what he’s going to want afterwards… Argh, I did it again!). If you want to offer him something truly unique, you could send him a personalized song on CD or music video on DVD. For that, just hit me up for the details at my web site WWW.Love-notes.co. Men also LOVE for their women to dress them up. Women KNOW that we are a “hot mess” when it comes to picking out the right clothes to wear, and NO ONE knows what looks best on us but our women. Depending on what he does for a living, you could purchase a nice sweater, shirt, shoes or anything that he can wear with pride. I’ve known of some women who bought outfits for their men and made them take it off after the evening was over, because they didn’t want their man to meet another woman wearing that same outfit they bought. That might be a bit extreme, but try your best not to think that way, okay? By the way, if your man likes different kinds of music, you may want to look into buying him a satellite radio system for his car (Two kinds: Sirius or XM radio). Satellite radio has a cheap monthly fee (which HE can pay for) but it makes for great listening for those people who are tired of conventional radio playing those same 5 songs. If that doesn’t work then you could get him personalized jewelry, like a really decent watch (So that he will be able to tell when it’s time for you both to have sex). When it comes to most men, they really are not difficult to please. The best way to get something nice for your man is to just know his likes and interests (besides sex, that is). There are some really nice things you can do without having to go way over budget. Cards are okay, but most men don’t appreciate cards the way women do, and we don’t view flowers the same way either. As long as you top off the evening with sex you CAN’T go wrong (Man, I KNOW this is going to get me in a lot of trouble). Okay, scratch that thought, and just go for what you feel will work best, and good luck! Now here is a very “sexy” dissertation from the Phantom Poet:
 
I want to get my man something really special for his birthday
I don’t have lots of money, and I’m not sure of how much to pay
I wanted to show him just how much his love really meant
So far the only thing I could come up with was fungus solvent
He is truly a man I love like no other
So I might even throw in a real nice toenail cutter
I thought about buying him some nice candlewicks
But then I found this great sale on boxes of toothpicks
I’m not great on picking out gifts, and I’m not sure of what to do
The guy at Home Depot told me to buy him a great tube of Super Glue
I wanted to get him something he could use that wouldn’t be a big issue
So I think I’ll just get him a nice package of super toilet tissue
Or maybe some pest strips to line up against his wall
It seems I’m just not capable of getting men good gifts at all
But there is ONE thing I can give, and he’ll love this, I guess
I told him to go upstairs, wait for me, and get undressed
I’ll rock his world, and so shall it forevermore be written
When I finished with his behind, he’ll start purring like a kitten
I know I should have gotten him a regular gift, but it wasn’t so bad
But he now tells me that this was the best birthday gift he EVER had
So forget about jewelry, tickets and all that other crap
When I want to appease my man, I dress up, and let him unwrap
I cannot pick out gifts, but I surely know how to dress
I can satisfy my man, and save money… in the process
So don’t stress out when it comes to buying presents, and alleviate the quirks
When in doubt, go for the one thing that “ALWAYS” works
When getting him something nice, just go for what you know
And afterwards say, “Happy birthday, honey… You are now good to go”
 
                                          “Sleep well”… The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

World famous guitar player Steve Cropper (Played famous lick on “Soul Man”) and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Neglected Family)

Subject: Neglected family
 
My little cousin had a boyfriend that left her and married a girl that he got pregnant. Well when he left her he had no Idea that she was pregnant also. She told him later but he denied the baby and wanted a DNA test. Now her son is almost 8 months old she gave him the paternity test to prove to him it was his child and since he got the test back 99.99% he has had the child for the weekend once and also has come to see him and introduced him to his mom. But he hides the child from the wife and other child. Well both the guy and his wife are my friends and I chat with them everyday. She is so sure that her marriage is the best it has ever been but now I am frustrated because he is not providing for my little cousin and she has even allowed him all this time without telling his new wife or taking out child support so she would not mess things up for him and have him charged by the service for adultery. She also is struggling living in another state without family while serving her country. I help her when I can but it is just too much for her to do alone. He doesn’t even bother to see the child anymore. I want to tell my friend the wife that my cousin’s new son is her child’s brother. She already has mentioned that they look so much alike. Is this a good Idea because he won’t do anything and it falls on us to make sure she has enough for the child. In the meantime I see his other son being wined and dined and dressed to the nines when she is struggling with her son and talking to the wife all the time and keeping it a secret as if the child were a dirty secret really bothers me! What do you think I should do? I was in this situation before with an ex-boyfriend and this is the same friend that told me he had a child when I didn’t know.
 
It is perfectly understandable to want to help, but this is strictly a matter between your cousin and him. If you take matters into your own hands it could eventually make you look unfavorable in EVERYONE’S eyes. The wife might hate you for waiting so long to tell her and blame you for subsequently breaking up her “great” marriage. The husband might hate you for meddling in his affairs, and the cousin might not want you to take her matters into your own hands (especially when she has the option to do so herself). As for her child, she can get all the help she needs through family services court. All she has to do is go there and file. The court will take care of all the rest. If she chooses not to do so then it isn’t your responsibility to support her… It is his… She “CAN” make him pay… “one-way or another”… The best way to get him to support his other child may not necessarily be to take him to court, but to at least THREATEN to take him to court. I am sure he knows what the circumstances could be if he is brought in front of a legal representative and if he is smart he should choose to avoid that situation at “all” costs… Right now the only reason he is doing nothing is because he knows he can get away with it. He is taking advantage of your cousin’s weakness and taking it for granted that she won’t pursue any legal remedies against him. Up to now he has been “right.” The best way to help your cousin is to talk to “her” and convince her to confront him about what she needs for her child. The child should NOT have to suffer, especially when it HAS a father who CAN support it. If your cousin refuses to ask for money from the father then for him it will be the same concept as “Out of sight, out of mind”. As long as he doesn’t see the child, then in his mind this child will not “exist”. The child is real… and so is his responsibility… Helping your cousin support her child will not give her the encouragement she needs to confront the father about help. It will only make her more dependent on YOU. As long as she knows she can get money from you, then there is no need for her to address him. As painful as it might feel, stop doing for this child, and help her get the strength she needs to step up to this man and MAKE him responsible… Once his paycheck starts diminishing for child support, the wife will ultimately find out something (Wives have a way of knowing when their man’s money starts to run short). If she is like most inquisitive wives, she will eventually snoop around and find out about this other child on her own. It will happen in time… Right now, it might be wise to check out this “happening” sermon from the Phantom Poet:
 
My cousin’s boyfriend left her, and found another woman to pursue
He got this new woman pregnant along with my cousin too
We took a DNA test, and the results were as expected
He takes care of one baby, but leaves the other one neglected
He lives with his new family, and got his woman a ring
But when it comes to his other child, he doesn’t give anything
We want him to take care of this child too, and if he doesn’t handle this with caution
He is going to come home one day, and find his car put up for auction
This action might be considered drastic, and some may consider it to be “steep”
We’ll place the baby on top with a sign that says, “Take my daddy’s car… CHEAP”
And if that doesn’t work, then other remedies are to be had
We can put his picture on a highway billboard with the caption “Deadbeat Dad”
And if that doesn’t work, there are other things we can also do
We can list his address and phone number on that billboard, too
Some may think that we are taking this too far, and getting way too hyper
But I think we should mail his other family boxes… of his child’s “poopy” diapers
Maybe then he will get an idea of how his other family is so poor
Those “poopy” diapers are sure to smell like a “nuclear war”
These pampers represent everything that he has not given his child
On top of that, we’ll STILL take him to court (Now ain’t that wild?)
So if you’re a man with a child and you have not paid one red cent
Then you’d better step up to the plate, and start to represent
Don’t think you can just ignore it, and expect it to go away
Because you too can get mailed your child’s poopy diapers… “each and every” day…
 
                                  “Aw man! Special delivery?” The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

Kenny Lattimore, Wayne Brady, and Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: One plus one equals four)

Subject: One and one equals four
 
I’m 27 and have been dating a 31-year-old woman for over a month. We’ve been talking for a while. My problem is that my ex is now pregnant. The two of us broke up before she found out she was pregnant. I really like this new lady in my life but how do I tell her that my ex has a bun in the oven?
 
It just so happens I like buns (Cinnamon buns are my favorite… Oh! You were referring to something else? Sorry!) Okay, the real issue here should be how you plan to handle the pregnancy with your “ex”. Evidently the two of you had one hell of a “breakup ceremony” before you separated. Wouldn’t it be great if ALL breakups ended that way? I am listening to what you are saying, and I want to know if this sounds right: You have been talking to your new girlfriend for quite “a while” (even though the both of you have been dating for only a month), and yet your ex is now pregnant (and I noticed you didn’t mention how long the both of you have been separated, but I will wager it must be for a much shorter time than your new girlfriend “suspects”). My mathematical powers of deduction tell me that most pregnancies take about 9 months to come to fruition, and that most women who are pregnant notice bodily changes within at least a 3-month time period. Would it be a safe assumption that you and your ex broke up in less than that amount of time? Would it also be a safe guess that the reason your old flame is now an “ex” is because she “discovered” this new 31-year-old woman who suddenly came into the picture? It sounds as though while you were “consummating” your “breakup” with your ex you were simultaneously entertaining this new woman friend of yours. I am beginning to sense a situation of “double dipping” here (two scoops with nuts). No matter what you may feel for this new woman (or what you feel for your “ex”) you will soon have the responsibility of being a father figure to a new child that is about to enter the world. While this may not sound like good news to your new girlfriend you will still have an obligation to your unborn child. Your new woman will probably not understand this (and rightfully so) but sooner or later you will need to focus attention to this child’s life (provided your ex does in fact plan to have this child). First you need to come to some realization as to how you and your ex plan to handle the pregnancy. Do you and her still plan to remain separated now that this baby is coming into the picture or will you try to reconcile? No matter what your decision is, you need to get with your new girlfriend and just “tell her the truth”. If you have done nothing wrong, then your explanation should have some degree of credibility (even though I, personally, am struggling trying to believe your story). Either way, she needs to know, so it is only right to inform her…Right now your options are very limited, and you need to accept the fact that chances of your new girl leaving you are fairly “awesome” at this point. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Above all, get it over with, and just “tell” your new girlfriend. Here is a message from the Phantom Poet to help you feel more “inspired:”
 
I just broke up with my old girlfriend…well uh, possibly, or maybe…
That’s because I just found out that she’s now having my baby
I just received word that her monthly is now tardy
This comes right AFTER our personal “going away” party
I’ve got myself a new girlfriend and she currently does not know
She thinks I broke up with my “ex” a long time ago
What? Do you want me to give you the actual time amount?
Well, at least a couple days, hours, or minutes ago… Does that count?
Maybe the days were a little more or a little less, here of there
Bu she couldn’t have gotten pregnant while I was seeing you…I swear…
When I heard that she might be pregnant, I asked myself, “How goes this?”
Then the only answer I could come up with was… “Osmosis”
How can I explain this to the new woman in my life?
And how can I outrun her when she comes at me with a knife?
I need to figure out a “safe” way to tell her this tale
I don’t want to get stabbed, so I’ll send her an “E-mail”.
She can’t come through my PC screen, so that is a positive
Oh darn! I just realized that she knows where I live
I may need the SWAT team to come to my aid
Either that or starting building myself a barricade
So when dating two women, it can be like a game of “craps”
Make sure that between each one there’s a little bit of “time elapse”
Because if one should get pregnant and the other wants to know how
Tell her to put the bat down first, or your next expression might be “Ow!”
And make sure that you get away before she goes into full hysteria
And relocate to a good safe place…like maybe… uh, Siberia…
 
 
      I hear there’s a great sale on air conditioners there… The Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought page, feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

The Three Degrees (“When will I see you again”) and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Misused big words)

Subject: Misused big words
 
I have won many contests in our school and have become very popular. My boyfriend has been trying to use big words when he talks to my friends and me. The problem is, he misuses them and it’s embarrassing. How do I get him to stop without hurting his feelings?
 
Easy… When adjusting the proper context of his existential foundations beyond the proposed limitations of standard theological dogma, he has encompassed the virtues of moral juxtapositions according to the outlying borders of conventional lunacy, thus enabling compromised castration to enhance the total destruction and depletion of his mental capabilities… He has rendered the embellishment of corroded microscopic fibers moot in conjunction with the expected buildup of unsurpassed stupidity, while his infinite displays of illiteracy diminish all aspects he could possibly have of any perceived validity… When you get him back home you can administer the social reciprocation under his “umbrella…ella…a…a…” and partake of his congenial misgivings until his educational deprivation comes to fruition… Well, I guess what I am saying is that you need to just take him to the side and let him know that he is using words improperly. If you let him continue then someone else is sure to embarrass him soon, so I think it would be better for him to hear it from you as opposed to hearing it from someone else. Be gentle with him, though. He is only trying to keep up with you intellectually, and in case you have not figured it out by now, most men DO have “sensitive” egos. We mean well, but sometimes it is difficult for us to admit that our women “might” actually be smarter than we are… Handle him with care, but make sure to address the matter with him. He would feel much more embarrassed if someone else corrected him in front of you, so put a stop to it before it gets any worse, and remember, his established libido only represents a continued pseudo-characterization of his functional illiteracy, thus enabling him to be victimized by the firm essentials of the Phantom Poet:
 
My man tries his best to impress me with his words
But he is coming up with stuff that no one has ever heard
He thinks he is socializing with something spectacular
But he just doesn’t have an enhanced vernacular
When he tries to impress, people look at us real numb
Because my man doesn’t realize that what he said was just dumb
I shutter when we go to social functions early in the morning
And he tries to communicate about the dangers of “global warning”
It’s “WARMING” my dear, and I pray that one day you get it right
Until then, please keep your mouth closed and your lips shut tight
My boyfriend always has something to say about the ills of our nation
Please stop talking about illegal “immunization”, when it’s supposed to be “immigration”.
When we talk, please let ME be the vocal leader by choice
If you like, I can even put a little “bass” in my voice
I am not trying to step on your manhood, but I don’t want us to be embarrassed either
So if you want to speak for us or be the leader, I suggest you choose neither
Your semantics are just wrong, and I am not trying to call you a fool
But I will surely let you speak more after you go back to school
So if your man thinks he has a vocal repertoire, and tries to come off real cool
Kick him in the leg and let your friends know that on this subject “Ladies” rule
It is better to have your man say nothing, and thereby erase any doubt
Than to have him state absurdities… with his foot… in his mouth…
 
     From the tyrannosaurus… uh, thesaurus… of the Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

 

Late jazz sax player Grover Washington Jr., brother Bill Jolly and Brett Jolly before a show

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: bad joke)

Subject: Warped joke
 
My friend has a strange sense of humor but he went too far this time. He faked his death and he submitted an obituary. We have mutual friends who are really shaken up about it. He intends to meet his friends at the funeral parlor when they come to view him. I’m upset because I see our mutual friends really hurting and I want to tell them, but I feel like I would be betraying him.
 
THAT is not a good joke at all, and most certainly is “not” funny… Actually, his sense of humor may end up costing him some friends in the process. When your friends see him at the parlor they should “kill” him anyway, because anyone who would do something like that really has a warped sense of humor. Personally I think it is a real stupid prank to pull, and if I were in your position I would surely tell your friends the truth anyway. However, I would not let this prank go further without first turning the tables on him. There are several things you can do to show him how “wrong” his actions are. The first thing you could do is alert everyone else and then have NO ONE show up at the parlor on that particular day. He should feel “really loved” after that. The next thing you could do is lie to him about how one of his friends didn’t have any “funeral” days at his job, so when he told his boss he was taking off for the funeral his employment was terminated. Let’s see how much this guy appreciates his prank after it costs his friend his livelihood.  You can also send a whole bunch of strangers that he has never seen before to the parlor to represent you instead of his actual friends. That would serve him right as well. You can also send flowers and signs to the parlor saying things like “Good luck in your new location”. You can even say that all of you rode down in the same car and got involved in a serious auto accident, and wait for him to show up at the hospital to pull the joke on him. This one I am saving for last: I say his friends should confiscate ALL his belongings out of his house and even wear some of his clothes to the parlor.  Normally I don’t advocate “tit for tat”, but in this case I think is important to show this guy the severity of his actions. Maybe if it happens to him then he will come to realize that these kinds of jokes are  unnecessary. Anyone who feels this kind of joke is funny is not rowing with both oars in the water. It is about time to show this guy the “oar-er” of his ways (ouch). Don’t allow your friends to suffer because of the irresponsibility of this one idiot. Stop the madness “before” it begins, and save everybody a lot of grief and aggravation. Then pray that later on in life that your friend “grows up”. Here is a mature revelation from the Phantom Poet:
 
My friend likes to play tricks, so he pretended that he died
Our friends have no idea that he intentionally lied
He staged his own obituary and funeral date for the parlor
I say that we give him burial at sea, and take his body to the harbor
To me it won’t make a difference whether he is dead or alive
We can still dump him off the water’s edge… and I’m willing to drive
This was surely wrong, and his joke went too far today
So if we kill him, so what? He is listed as “dead” anyway
We can even tie him up and gag him, so he won’t be able to debate
Hey, I’ve got an even better idea… Why don’t we cremate?
It’s much cheaper than a casket, and his ashes will end up in an urn
The question is whether he needs to be dead first “before” we can burn
Details, details… What difference will it make?
If we burn the sucker now we can make it back home by eight…
We can take his ashes and put them somewhere on a shelf
Oh my goodness! I think he just “wet” himself
That serves him right. And hopefully he learned his lesson
Because playing jokes like that is just out of the question
He will no longer play any more jokes, for we have found the cure
Because they next time he does, we will just kill him… for sure…
Since he has now wet his pants, the prospect for finding humor seems slim
That’s a good thing, because now “this” joke… is on “him”….
 
 
    ANOTHER great moment in history…from the Phantom Poet

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, please feel free to email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

 

The Miracles (Hits include “Baby baby, Tears of a clown, Just a love machine”) and Brett Jolly in concert

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