Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Love versus Lust)

Dear Brett Jolly,

 

There is this man that does not know me, and yet he keeps telling me that he is in love with me. I keep telling him that he is only in lust with me, but he keeps denying it and claims it’s love. Is there a difference and if so which one of us is right?

 

I would think that lust is purely physical whereas love should be everything (including spiritual, mental, social AND physical). Love should happen when you get to know someone’s ways and personality. Lust happens when you don’t know someone but have a very strong attraction. If this man doesn’t know  you, then he can’t possibly love you yet. However he can “lust” for you until the swallows come back to Capistrano.  He could swear up and down that he loves you, but he doesn’t know if you are a mass murderer or not. If he found out there you were one then I can guarantee that he wouldn’t “love” you so much. He might not “lust” for you so much either. In this situation you are right but chances are he won’t listen to you anyway. As long as “you” are able to make the determination then that is all that matters. You need to get to know HIM if you plan to take this any further. ALL men are “visual” in nature, but it is always important to get to know the person “beneath the surface.” If he can’t distinguish his own “infatuation” with you from love then you need to help him find that difference before taking this ANY further. Get him right and set him straight for the sake of you both. Here is the Phantom Poet to guide you along the way:

 

Baby, I love you and I guarantee it is surely NOT lust

Because I just “love” the way your shirt fits tight around your big bust

Any feelings of just “lust” for you have all systematically gone

Even though the way you are wearing that tight mini dress is surely turning me on

I can say that I love you just from your sexy appeal

And so what if it turns out all your hair is not real

I just know that you are the one I desire for my matrimony adventures

And is it true that all your teeth are in reality dentures?

I just know that when it comes to you nothing else really compares

And if I have problems remembering your name who really cares?

I just know that my physical attraction for you is strong, that’s what I’m thinking of

For me to feel this way towards you then it just HAS to be love

I just know that my love for you is absolute and so very complete

At least until I see the next woman wearing a short mini dress up the street

“So if some man doesn’t know you and says he is in love and not lust

You may want to reconsider before giving his credentials any trust”

Because when it comes to love or lust you just may truly find

That either way this man is out of his rabbit sized mind

 

“Presented in loving fashion” from the Phantom Poet

 

Featured on WWW.Love-notes.co

Chuck D (from the rap group Public Enemy) and Brett Jolly in concert

Image

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Anger Management)

Dear Brett,

 

Subject: Anger management

 

I am a twice divorced. I have been living with “Mickey” and we’re contemplating marriage. My older sister met him for the first time and insists that I abandon my marriage plans. She says that while she talked with him, she realized that he is controlling and possessive and angry. She’s convinced that he will ruin my life. I love my sister and not sure how to react to her phone calls. I have not discussed this with Mickey because I don’t want him to think poorly of my sister. I know he has problems, anger issues being one of them, and perhaps she’s right bout his being controlling and possessive. I’m not sure what to do here, Mickey wants to get married next month.  What should I do?                                     

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 

                                                                                                                       

 

“When in doubt, take time out” (another small Phantom Poet moment there). If you already knew that he has anger management issues, then why would you even CONSIDER marrying this guy? Anger management means that he CAN’T CONTROL his anger, which also means that he won’t be able to control his anger towards YOU. If your sister can get that impression after only ONE visit with him then there might be more to this story than you realize. Your first mistake is in worrying about whether Mickey wants to get married next month. What do YOU want? What do you think will happen if you tell him that you need a little more time? Do you think he will get angry? If you do, then you already have your answer to this one. If my mother had named me after a Disney character then I would probably have anger management problems TOO… Mickey may very well be a time bomb waiting to explode, and from the things you have said it appears he may be more detrimental than sentimental… Abusive relationships consist of people with anger management problems. These people need a scapegoat when things go wrong, and a wife would make for a GREAT target. If you have ANY doubts about this one then by all means take more time to think this thing out. In the meantime, I have heard that baseball bats are GREAT for curing people with anger management. One good swing and they seem to forget what they are angry about. Please think carefully about this one. The future you save may just be your own. Now please welcome a thought provoking Phantom Poet moment:                                

 

                                                                                                                              

 

My man Mickey has issues with possessiveness and control

 

I think I would like for him to possess this here “bullet hole”

 

He gets mad a lot over the smallest little thing

 

He expects to get married next month and he gave me a ring

 

My sister is convinced that he will ruin my life

 

and I will end up being a battered and abused wife

 

She told me what she felt, and now I think I have a hunch

 

If I get a baseball bat today, maybe I can “beat” him to the punch

 

Think about it! His chances of hurting me will be extremely slim

 

If he thinks even for a moment that I am crazier than him

 

That’s it! I think I now know how to solve this problem

 

After a few swings, I’ll be “Batwoman, and his new name will be “Throbbin”

 

So should your husband ever become possessive and demanding

 

Get your “own” baseball bat, and welcome a “new” understanding…

 

                                                                                                                         

 

                                                                                                                       

 

“He loves me (Whack!)… He  loves me not (Whack!)… The Phantom Poet

 

If you would like to feature a topic for my Daily Thought, you can email me at Brett@Love-notes.co or go to my web site WWW.Love-notes.co

 

The Stylistics and Brett Jolly in concert

 

Image

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Imaginary Test Drive)

I’ve been dating the same woman for nearly a year, and she says it’s time for us to decide if we want to spend our lives together. I do love her, but I cannot fully commit unless I’m sure this will work out. What do you suggest?               

 

 

 

Man, if you EVER tell a woman that you are still  “unsure” after being together for nearly a year your life could be in “serious” jeopardy. For the record, you are SUPPOSED to have all that stuff figured out BEFORE you reach your one year anniversary point (This doesn’t mean that you have to get married after only one year though, but it does mean that you should know whether or not she is at least marriage material). You should NEVER waste a woman’s time like that (Haven’t  you ever heard of “biological clocks” and “marrying while still in your prime”?). Once you say something like that to her you’ll see her pretty little face turn different colors, her eyes will roll back up into her head, smoke will erupt from out of her ears and she will speak with a voice lower than any other female OR male while she utters out the words “Hulk Smash”… and THEN after that she might get “REALLY” angry… Relationships are supposed to be built gradually, and you should learn more about each other as you grow and go along. There will always be potholes in the road occasionally, but it is how you handle those “potholes” that determine the true strength of your relationship (By the way, we have some really AWESOME sized potholes here in Philly…some big enough to house a family of “four”). You need to make an assessment of what you like and dislike about your relationship. She has every right to know what your intentions are, and a year is surely enough time for you to formulate at least some type of opinion. You should take what I call the “imaginary test drive”… You need to imagine what it would be like waking up to her each and every morning. You need to imagine what it would be like to come home to her each night. You need to imagine what it would be like growing old together with her. If she is indeed your friend as well as your lover then I am not sure of what else you possibly need to consider… Think things over carefully, and if it is not what you want then be man enough to let her go find someone more worthy for her… but if you realize that she is the one for you, then go “represent” and at least let her know that she IS the only one for you (She has the right to know how you feel about her)… and should you get married in Philadelphia, watch where you drive…. Here is a driving force from the Phantom  Poet:                                                                             

 

 

 

My lady and I, we have been dating for a year

 

and now she is saying “I want to get married, dear”

 

I don’t know if I am ready but she wants me to commit

 

I just don’t think I am ready for this here uh… “stuff”

 

If we are to be married, then I’d like to be sure

 

Hey, weddings cost money, and right now I is “poor”…

 

The thought of this makes me want to drink a tonic with rum

 

I just hope that this won’t stop her from still giving me “some”

 

She knows I love her, and I’d marry her in a hot minute

 

but right now I am having too much fun just trying to get in it

 

She wants to establish a marriage with her and me

 

but why buy the cow when you can get the “milk” for free?

 

but I love her, and she will always be my “Buttercup”

 

but now it seems that the price of milk has just “gone up”

 

“If you want some of this, well, then I’m about to get hyper

 

If you want to dance to the music, then you’d best pay the piper”

 

If I can’t get married, then I’ll at least get paid

 

So think heavily about that the next time you want to get laid”

 

It may be cheaper to keep her but it’s better to go get her

 

Otherwise in the end you will most certainly regret her

 

So if you have been dating for close to a year

 

then you’d better heed the advice that I’m handing out here

 

Don’t wait so long if you want to romance her

 

and make sure you say the right thing, when she needs to know the answer                   

 

 

 

                  “Now commit to THIS”…. The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to submit, you can email me at Brett@Love-notes.co or go to the email section of WWW.Love-notes.co

 

Holly Robinson-Peete and Brett Jolly performing at an outdoor wedding

 

Image

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Weight loss)

Subject: Weight loss

 

I have been told that I am a fairly attractive woman, and there are guys that I am interested in, but for some reason I am very self conscious about my weight. I am not huge by any means, but it feels to me like I need to slim down maybe as much as 20 pounds. I have tried weight loss drinks, counting calories and even lifting weights at the gym, but for some reason I cannot seem to shake the weight. I do not feel comfortable at the size I am right now. Do you have any suggestions?

 

If you don’t feel totally at ease with your weight then it will show in your interaction with others. It is very important to at least “feel” comfortable. It sounds as though you have tried just about everything you can physically, so now maybe you should try a more mental approach. I am NOT a weight expert by any means, but I do know that the power of the mind is strong and if you utilize it the right way you can accomplish things you never thought possible before… For the record, I would probably lay off lifting weights. Weights are not designed to make you lose weight, but rather add definition to what you have (In other words, re-distribute your weight to other areas). If you want to actually shed pounds then you should consider other alternatives. You also need to keep in mind that some people are just born “big boned”, and if you are one of these people then you may need to try a different approach. Losing weight is not the same as getting in great shape. You can achieve the “appearance” of losing weight if you manage to just trim down “inches”  off your waist  line. Mentally, I would suggest a couple of things. First, get rid of your mirror and scale (yes, that’s right). The more you LOOK at how overweight you are the more you are going to think that you will never lose weight, and psychologically that is not going to help you. Next, I would have dinner early in the day, and not touch any food after a certain time of day (like say, 6:00 pm). Also I would use the rest room as soon as you can afterwards (Why keep it in your system for a long duration when it only adds to your weight?). As for exercises I would suggest doing a lot of “walking”. The good thing about walking is that it not only trims the body down in PROPORTION, but also uplifts you mentally while you do it. I feel great mentally and physically whenever I take walks. Now back to the mirror part. The reason you should not look at yourself in the mirror is because in order to lose weight you have to first FEEL like you are losing weight. As long as you can’t see yourself in the mirror, you will have NO reason to DOUBT the fact that you are actually LOSING weight. Psychologically, this will convince your mind that what you are doing IS working, and in essence your brain can  WILL the rest of your body to shed pounds and look great. I don’t have the greatest eating habits in the world, but I feel great about myself and my shape, and people have told me that I actually look physically fit. I have not weighed myself in years and feel no need to. It works psychologically for me and I really think it can work for you, too. It is most important to BELIEVE that you are losing weight.  Sometimes losing weight can be as simple as “mind” over “matter”. Try to WILL those pounds away (along with exercise and proper eating)…. It might make the biggest difference where other procedures have not…Good luck to you, and here is a weight inducing poem from the Phantom Poet:

I seem to be having problems managing my weight

 

I need to lose it now, and there is really no debate

 

Every time I see myself I start to sicken

 

but I still can’t seem to put down that Popeye’s chicken

 

I wish I could no longer be so obese

 

but I keep hearing my name emanating from that 4 piece

I don’t want you to think that I don’t have any control

But I can’t help but think about their “hot buttered roll”

 

I’m going to lose all this weight, I can feel it with anticipation

 

Either that, or I will get me a surgical operation

 

I’m just the kind of girl where food doesn’t miss me

 

plus who in the world can resist “original” or “crispy”?

 

I know what I have to do, so I will work it this way

 

I will just reduce my orders to no more than 3 a day

One day when it comes to food I do plan to sacrifice

But not today, because I’m looking forward to red bean and rice

Or maybe I can just call on my own personal cater

And say to heck with dieting…I can always do it later

 

So if THAT doesn’t work, then I’m not sure of what I’ll do

 

I guess I had better start looking for a man who is overweight too…

 

                        Love is a value meal…. The Phantom Poet

 

From the web site WWW.Love-notes.co

Linda Carter (who used to be Wonder Woman) and Brett Jolly

Image

 

 


Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Love from behind closed doors)

Dear Brett:

 

Subject: Love from behind closed doors

 

I’ve been speaking to my old girlfriend for about a year. She was stuck in an unhappy marriage and I supported her when she left her husband. We have great chemistry and really care about each other, but I’m in prison and won’t get out for two years. So I’ve encouraged her to start dating and said all I can be is a friend to her. Am I doing the right thing?                                                         

 

                                                                                                                              

 

“Yes”…and “No!” There is nothing wrong with encouraging her to date again. If you truly love someone then you would want that person to be happy, even if it cannot be with you… Should she have no desire to date (or cannot find a suitable romance) then you can always be more than a friend to her after you get out. Since the both of you were in a previous romance she already knows you well enough to determine if she wants to wait for your release. The question isn’t whether or not she will be ready for you when you get out, but whether you will be ready for her… Hopefully you realize that with a prison record it will be extremely difficult for you to obtain suitable employment and if you want to spend a lifetime with her you will need some form of stability. While you are incarcerated it might be good to work on achieving some sort of degree in a field of your choice. That way you might have a better chance of making a happy ending with her. You need to bring SOMETHING else to the table if you really want to make this thing work. The worst thing that can happen is that you both reunite and then you are sent back to prison because you were unprepared to deal with society again. If you want to be there for her, then plan to BE there and start turning your life around… If you cannot better yourself, then by all means encourage her to find someone else NOW…  We all are imperfect and prone to make mistakes, but it is not where you come from that counts, but rather where you are “headed.” Make use of the time you have to improve yourself and IF she is still available when you get out then by all means show her the “new and improved” you. That is the best encouragement she could possibly receive. Here is a long term commitment verse from the Phantom Poet:                         

 

                                                                                                                           

 

I’d like to always be there for my girlfriend…without fail

 

Right now, it’s kind of tough, because I’m stuck in jail

 

I want to be the person who can alleviate all her fears

 

but to get that love, she may have to wait two years

 

Right now I can only offer her stories of what prison life is about

 

Either she can find a new love now, or wait for me to get out

 

I would marry her in a hot minute…Heck! I’d even sign a “Pre-Nup”

 

She’d never  have to worry about sex because I’m REALLY backed up

 

But I must be able to take care of her, and this is a tough decision

 

I can’t guarantee a future for me once I get out of prison

 

I only know the con games, the BS, and all the scheme tricks

 

The only field I know requiring THOSE credentials is “gasp”… “POLITICS!”

 

They are even more crooked than me… Look at all the bad stuff they brought

 

The only difference between them and me is that they never get CAUGHT

 

For my woman I want to be ready when I get out… I don’t want to delay her

 

Tell you what: I think I’m now qualified to run for MAYOR

 

I expect to be more to her than just some live in resident

 

So if being mayor doesn’t work, then I’ll consider a run for President

 

I know a lot about wartime preparation and military production

 

And heck! I even own my OWN weapons of mass destruction

 

I know this sounds ludicrous and maybe even downright zany

 

But I even once shot somebody, just like former Vice President Dick Cheney

 

Some say that the crimes I committed were wrong, terrible and perverse

 

But when you compare what I did to today’s politicians, is it really that much worse?

 

It can all become reality, but two years still remain

 

I’m qualified enough to run from jail, honey…Can you help me with my campaign?              

 

                                                                                                                       

 

          If elected, I promise to pardon “me”… The Phantom Poet

 

“Taken from the web site WWW.Love-notes.co”

Paul Shafer (from the Dave Letterman band) and Brett Jolly in concert)

 

Image

Brett Jolly’s Daily thought (Topic: Courtship)

I have a friend that believes that you should only date with the intention to marry (courtship). I don’t think you should start thinking about marriage without at least getting to know the person first. We both would like to know what your thoughts are on this. Thank you.

 

I have discovered that there are people out there who are enamored with just the “concept” of “getting married.” In other words, they are so focused on reaching the status of  “married” that it seems like loving your partner is almost an “afterthought.” In fact, some of these people have even said that they could “learn to love their mate” after the wedding.  These people will go so far as to say: “I’m getting married,” rather than say “I’m going to marry the one I love.” The biggest problem with courtship is that a couple will often put way too much pressure on themselves just to “reach” that goal of “marriage.” When you start at point “A” and you want to jump to point “Z” then there is a tendency to overlook all the points in between (like, B,C,D, etc.). When you start out LOOKING for someone to be your wife or husband then it is possible to ignore early “warning signs” or “red flags.” There is also that “other” factor that most people encounter. If you boast to your friends that you have found the right person to be your wedded mate and then things suddenly go wrong you don’t want to have to recant what you previously said. Usually at that point is when you do your best to make it to the wedding day “no matter what.” Usually the regrets start to show “after” the marriage. I believe that when you marry someone it should be the “icing” on the cake. The cake is the love and companionship you have with your partner. The “icing” is the top ingredient that solidifies the taste of what you have. If you only focus on the icing then your cake will lack substance (and by definition it won’t be a “cake”). I believe there are cultures out there where “courtship” still applies (and there are also instances where you can just pay for your bride). I believe that in order to be happy you need to KNOW the person you want to spend eternity with. The best way to do that is to go “one step at a time.” In marriage, the destination is important, but you should be able to enjoy the journey to that destination as well. I hope I have answered you today and here is the Phantom Poet to round out our day:

 

Hello pretty baby. You look good so I’d love to date

If we can get together early enough we might get married by eight

I want to marry you, so now you are the woman that I will court

We will get married no matter what, and these wedding plans we won’t abort

Just from looking at you visually you are absolutely the woman of my prayers

When it comes to knowing more information about you who really cares?

I just know that I need to have a wife and you look like you should fit the bill

When it comes to finding anyone who looks better than you nobody else will

I just find that when I go to bed at night you are what I need when I sleep

You are fine looking woman but why is your voice so deep?

You are holding a beverage and every time I see you chug down some of that Snapple

Why does it seem as though your neck appears to have an Adam’s apple?

You say your name is Danielle but your friends always call you Dan?

“Oh, that’s because I am a great woman who once used to be a man”

“Hold up! I ain’t marrying no dude so don’t even think of taking me there”

“Baby, I no longer have a penis, even though I know it’s around here somewhere”

Since you said you will court me I am going to take you for your word, love

For to break a promise of courtship is surely something unheard of

You already promised to court and marry me, so that is now your intention

So now my sex change operation I don’t even HAVE to mention

I don’t work and I have expensive tastes, so taking care of me won’t be cheap

And you can pay for my hormone injections so that my voice won’t be so deep

So when you friends see you dating a transgender, don’t pay any attention to the laughter

Just enjoy our life as husband and wife, and be prepared to live happily ever after

 

“Honey, why is this toilet seat always being left up?” The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, just go to my web site WWW.Love-notes.co or email me at Brett@Love-notes.co

 

Radio personality Tom Joyner, Full Force and Brett JollyImage


Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Done with Love)

Dear Brett, 

Subject: Done with Love

My relationship was a joke, but I am not the one laughing. I was involved with this man for years and we are now on the verge of breaking up. I am in my 50’s but I will never marry again and I won’t even date again for at least a year because of this. I felt really hurt and I just can’t see myself going through this again. My girl friends are trying to convince me otherwise but my mind is already made up. They put me up to submitting this topic to you so I am now asking you: Can you give me any good reason as to why I should even consider dating again?

 

Actually I can probably give you several… For one, love is one of our basic needs. Everyone needs love, including you. Two, what would abstaining from dating solve for you? Will it make you happy again or will it contribute to even more misery? Three, many people break off from relationships and still have the resolve to move on afterwards, and some of them find true happiness. I understand that you were hurt deeply by what this man did to you, but if you let his actions stop you from loving again then you won’t be hurting him by “any” means. In fact, he might just be happy to hear that you can’t find another man to replace him (Some men will actually use that as their opportunity to “slip” back into your life later on). Too much idle time will only make you think about the hurt over and over again. Sometimes it is good to keep busy, and going out or dating might make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. A lot of women put up shields after a broken relationship, but the biggest problem with shields is that while they reflect away the bad things they also tend to deflect the good things as well. I would never tell you that you need to start dating immediately because there is nothing wrong with taking a little time off to heal. However, if during that time you happen to meet someone really nice, he should not have to suffer the consequences of the previous man who hurt you. When someone close to us dies it can be devastating. We grieve and try to get it out of our system but the most important part is that life still needs to go on. The same can be said for relationships. If this man has abused you in any form but is no longer in your life then you don’t need to let the “memories” of him “continue” to abuse you. If you are already in your 50’s then do you feel it is wise to take another year or so off? None of us are getting any younger, and you are entitled to be happy if that is what you like. Your friends care about you, and they are only looking out for what they believe is your best interest. Please keep in mind that it wasn’t the “institution” of marriage that failed you. It was the man you married. You should not let his actions change you or make you eternally bitter. He does not deserve to have that much power over you. You are still fine and sexy and a great catch for someone out there, but you need to realize that. If you think right, this doesn’t have to be an ending, but rather a new beginning. Take some time to get over it, but make sure you “get over it.” There is someone out there who sincerely “wants” to make you happy… Now please welcome that lyrical sensation. the “Phantom Poet:”

 

My relationship was a joke, but I am not the one laughing

I am married to this man but no love are we having

I am hurt, bitter and I feel anger towards all men

And I have resolved myself to never marry again

Can you give me any reason for dating why I should even consider?

Maybe I should just sell myself to the highest bidder

Maybe then the answers to my questions will then be solved

I can get paid for sex with no emotional attachment involved

This will never replace love and while I may feel like dirt

At least I won’t have to worry about my feelings getting hurt

Wait a minute, I need to slap myself and wake up on this day

I need to realize that this fool wasn’t really worth me anyway

While he goes off thinking the grass is greener on the other side

I can bring in another man for this lawn with his own fertilizer to provide

Our grass wasn’t growing well and all throughout our duration

I failed to realize that this grass only gets greener with better “application”

This man didn’t realize what he had here so he ventured out for more

And now he wants to cultivate a new harvest using the “hoe” next door

I won’t blame her and for her involvement I won’t hesitate to “pardon her”

I just know that this plot will grow much better, once I bring in a “new” gardener…

 

“A round of applause please, for the Phantom Poet”

Taken from my web site WWW.Love-notes.co  (“Dedicated to the emotional needs of women”)

Chaka Khan and Brett Jolly in concert

Image