Dear Brett,

Even though I have been in the dating scene for quite a while now, it still confuses  me. What do men look for when meeting a woman for the first time? What  would you consider to be the best way for a woman to make herself presentable? Are there certain things that turn men off that we should know of?

Absolutely! Just like women can get turned off by men, us men can get turned off by women. Each person is different, so it is difficult to say if each particular thing will work for everyone, but here are some of the stories that I have heard from other men (Yes, we talk too). First, if you are going to wear a weave, please do yourself a favor and make it LOOK like it actually “belongs” to your head. I have heard many stories from guys who said the actual weave ponytail was a DIFFERENT shade of color than her actual hair. How real is THAT? Also, if you are going to do the weave thing, at LEAST do a good job of “covering up the tracks” in your hair. Every time I go to McDonald’s and the young girls put their heads down to put money in the register I would see “tracks for days” along with spots that seem to resemble “glue.” Also, there is nothing wrong with wearing makeup, but PLEASE make it so that a man can see your face in there “SOMEWHERE”… I have seen women who look like PACMAN from having so much makeup on. Most women  have their own “natural” beauty. At least let “some” of it come through so that the man can recognize you the very next time he sees you. As for the way you dress, well, you should be able to figure this one out. If you are a voluptuous woman but want a man to get to know your mind, then by all means dress appropriately. There is NO WAY in Hades that a man is going to think about your mind when your cleavage drops all the way down to your “navel”. Men are very “visual” and if you are exposed in that manner then you shouldn’t blame him for staring “down” all night. There are proper ways to accent your body without having to look “hootchy”.  A man’s first impressions are just like yours, and if all he sees are your “girls” hanging out, then that is the vision he is going to take back home with him (He might not even remember your name by the time you are finished). If you want classy dialog from him, then by all means dress “classy”. Also, if you are someone who talks a lot, then make sure that you “listen” as well. NO man wants to be with a woman who talks so much about herself that he can’t get a word in. You’ll know you are talking too much when the man gives  you that “Please shut up, beautiful woman” look. Above all, remember that some of the same things you might be looking for in a man might be the same things he is looking for in “you.” Once you start to think of things from that perspective, then it should be a lot easier for you to make yourself “presentable”. Smile, be yourself, and remember these famous words of the Phantom Poet:

I am going out on a date, but what in the world should I wear?

How about those low hanging jeans, which leaves the crack of my behind bare?

That way every time I bend over, I know he is going to “inspect”

and that way he should learn more about my uh…..”intellect”(?)

My face is packed with powder, lipstick and mousse to show no wrinkle

But he is now saying that the moose I look like is “Bullwinkle”

I want him to know me mentally, so I have no intentions to flirt

He says” Say that again?” while trying to glimpse up my “extremely” short skirt

I can’t believe  he is being so disrespectful. I “do” have a mind

“Baby, from what I see you also have a nice thong on  your behind”

I am a very intelligent woman with class, and I want men to know them

“Then when it comes to those other assets, I shouldn’t have to show them”

First impressions are important….It tells who you really are

Whether you look like you belong in a fancy restaurant… or in a trashy bar

So if you want to make a good impression, then “dress to impress”

Otherwise, what he may be thinking might be “anyone’s” guess

Yet ANTHER startling revelation from the Phantom Poet


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Aretha Franklin and Brett Jolly