Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Done with Love)

Dear Brett, 

Subject: Done with Love

My relationship was a joke, but I am not the one laughing. I was involved with this man for years and we are now on the verge of breaking up. I am in my 50’s but I will never marry again and I won’t even date again for at least a year because of this. I felt really hurt and I just can’t see myself going through this again. My girl friends are trying to convince me otherwise but my mind is already made up. They put me up to submitting this topic to you so I am now asking you: Can you give me any good reason as to why I should even consider dating again?


Actually I can probably give you several… For one, love is one of our basic needs. Everyone needs love, including you. Two, what would abstaining from dating solve for you? Will it make you happy again or will it contribute to even more misery? Three, many people break off from relationships and still have the resolve to move on afterwards, and some of them find true happiness. I understand that you were hurt deeply by what this man did to you, but if you let his actions stop you from loving again then you won’t be hurting him by “any” means. In fact, he might just be happy to hear that you can’t find another man to replace him (Some men will actually use that as their opportunity to “slip” back into your life later on). Too much idle time will only make you think about the hurt over and over again. Sometimes it is good to keep busy, and going out or dating might make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. A lot of women put up shields after a broken relationship, but the biggest problem with shields is that while they reflect away the bad things they also tend to deflect the good things as well. I would never tell you that you need to start dating immediately because there is nothing wrong with taking a little time off to heal. However, if during that time you happen to meet someone really nice, he should not have to suffer the consequences of the previous man who hurt you. When someone close to us dies it can be devastating. We grieve and try to get it out of our system but the most important part is that life still needs to go on. The same can be said for relationships. If this man has abused you in any form but is no longer in your life then you don’t need to let the “memories” of him “continue” to abuse you. If you are already in your 50’s then do you feel it is wise to take another year or so off? None of us are getting any younger, and you are entitled to be happy if that is what you like. Your friends care about you, and they are only looking out for what they believe is your best interest. Please keep in mind that it wasn’t the “institution” of marriage that failed you. It was the man you married. You should not let his actions change you or make you eternally bitter. He does not deserve to have that much power over you. You are still fine and sexy and a great catch for someone out there, but you need to realize that. If you think right, this doesn’t have to be an ending, but rather a new beginning. Take some time to get over it, but make sure you “get over it.” There is someone out there who sincerely “wants” to make you happy… Now please welcome that lyrical sensation. the “Phantom Poet:”


My relationship was a joke, but I am not the one laughing

I am married to this man but no love are we having

I am hurt, bitter and I feel anger towards all men

And I have resolved myself to never marry again

Can you give me any reason for dating why I should even consider?

Maybe I should just sell myself to the highest bidder

Maybe then the answers to my questions will then be solved

I can get paid for sex with no emotional attachment involved

This will never replace love and while I may feel like dirt

At least I won’t have to worry about my feelings getting hurt

Wait a minute, I need to slap myself and wake up on this day

I need to realize that this fool wasn’t really worth me anyway

While he goes off thinking the grass is greener on the other side

I can bring in another man for this lawn with his own fertilizer to provide

Our grass wasn’t growing well and all throughout our duration

I failed to realize that this grass only gets greener with better “application”

This man didn’t realize what he had here so he ventured out for more

And now he wants to cultivate a new harvest using the “hoe” next door

I won’t blame her and for her involvement I won’t hesitate to “pardon her”

I just know that this plot will grow much better, once I bring in a “new” gardener…


“A round of applause please, for the Phantom Poet”

Taken from my web site  (“Dedicated to the emotional needs of women”)

Chaka Khan and Brett Jolly in concert