Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: drunken boyfriend)

Subject: Drunken boyfriend

My boyfriend and I finally broke up. He is a wonderful person when he is sober and I really love him so much and I still do. But, his drinking habits were out of control. He would hide a six pack under the bed and then disappear in the streets until 2:00am. Once, he crashed the car and almost killed himself and wanted me to lie to the cops and say the car was stolen and someone else took it for a joy ride. The last straw was when he stayed out all night and lost his leather coat and the car and house keys. He was banging on the door for me to let him in. I kicked him out for good and now he is living with his sister. I cry a lot because I did love him. Do you think I did the right thing by getting rid of him? I never drank in my life so I couldn’t have sympathy for him. He said that I wasn’t being fair because he paid bills and was nice to me except for the bad things I described above. He makes me feel really bad. What do you think? Please help me. He wants to get back together, but, I don’t think he will ever change.  Signed. Lonely Heart                                                                              

I have a close personal connection to your story, so I can actually relate to your situation all TOO well. When my brother and I were much younger, our mother became an alcoholic. She would drive us around to baseball and basketball games and almost killed us several times with car accidents. We were very young and not sure of how to handle it. My father had a high profile job and traveled extensively across the country, so he wasn’t home very much. My brother and I would hide her liquor bottles but she would just go out and buy more. One day we got the shock of our lives. We came home from school and we found her in bed with blood everywhere. She had gotten so drunk that she decided to shoot herself. Luckily she was still alive, so we rushed her to the hospital where she recuperated fully. After that incident, my father had her placed in A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous). She did the full term there and she never touched another ounce again up to the day she died. I am telling you this story because alcoholism is a disease. Your boyfriend may have done some VERY nice things for you, but if he doesn’t love you enough to quit the alcohol then you will NEVER be more than “second” best to him. I suggest you put the emphasis on HIM…. If he truly wants you back, then tell him you will gladly consider it IF (and ONLY if) he completes an Alcohol Anonymous Program (and I do mean COMPLETE). You have been more than fair with him, because he could easily have gotten drunk enough to kill himself or you. If he doesn’t know where to go to sign up, contact me and I will find out the  AA program in his area for him. As for you, don’t feel bad for locking him out. You really didn’t lock “him” out….just his demons… and as long as he continues to hold on to those demons he will always be a risk to himself and you. If you give him this ultimatum, then he will have no one else but himself to blame for losing you. It’s just that simple. No matter how bad he makes you feel, you should NOT accept him until he completes the program in its ENTIRETY. If he doesn’t go the distance, then that means he has let you down as well as himself. Don’t feel sorry for a choice that HE makes. The best way to help him is to make him help himself. I can PROMISE you that if he completes the program and gets cured he will thank you in the long run for helping him to become a better person… In the meantime, here is a Phantom Poet moment to help you with your lonely heart:

Baby, there’s nothing wrong with me needing some drinks

I can control myself but “Wow, something stinks!”

Did I do that? After only five glasses, that can’t be true

Since I know I can control my drinking then it must have been YOU

As a matter of fact, I can hold my liquor better than MOST men

And I can prove it to you…. Now, what was your name again?

Oh! That’s right! You’re my girl! You’re my honey! You’re my “boo!”

So how come I’m now seeing THREE of you?

It can’t be the alcohol, so it must be my vision

I’m going to drink to the THREE of you… There! I’ve made my decision…

I will NEVER stop drinking…and that’s all I’m gonna say

“Wow!” I swear it looks like THREE baseball bats are now headed my way

I ducked the other two, but one of them managed to get me

I may be a little tipsy, but honey, “Did you just hit me?”

I can’t believe you just did that, but I’ll tell you what

I’d like to get you back, but both my eyes are swollen shut

I am NOT intoxicated, and I will never be some poor drunk ass

Let’s drink to my recovery… “Honey, can you help me find my glass?”

Now I’m seeing MANY bats. They are beating me in ALL ways

I may need another drink…after I recover….in a few days….

Sometimes “Love Hangover” and “Love TKO” can be the same thing

                                       The Phantom Poet


Dexter Wansel and Brett Jolly in concert