Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Moving on)

Mr. Jolly

Subject: Trying to move on

I am trying so hard to move on from my failed relationship with my “ex.” The problem is that I can’t seem to get past it because we have a child together.  He will always be in my life because he is the father, but I really don’t want to see him anymore. It is just too painful for me. In fact, I hate to say that I hope I never hear from him again. This is wishful thinking, because he is always trying to contact me in regards to our son. Just thinking of him makes me angry and I want him out of my life totally. Do you have any ideas as to how I can handle this?

 

Sure… Just imagine if this situation was reversed. Supposed your son lived with him and he felt the same “negative” way towards you. Would his feelings stop you from trying to contact him in regards to your child? Of course not… He IS the other parent, and he has every right to contact you  “in the best interests” of the child. As long as that child is living you need to “accept” the fact that his father will always be a part of this equation. One way to prevent yourself from seeing him again is to set up visitation rights through the court system. They may decree that you drop your son off to a relative or friend so that the father can pick him up over there (and subsequently return him there). However, it feels as though your issues stem more from your own thoughts about this relationship. Please keep in mind that even if you never get to “physically” see him again, you will “still” see an integral part of him everyday through the son that you both share. There is no way around that one. I think it is real important that you NOT let your feelings for your “baby Daddy” get so bad that it boils over into the child. All it takes is for the child to look (or act) “anything” like the father (even if the resemblance is minor) and that could be enough for you to generate hatred. You don’t have to entertain the thought of ever having to rekindle the relationship, but if you truly love your son then you need to “thank” his daddy for his part in helping you bring him into this world. Hopefully that thought can be the “first” step in you becoming able to “forgive him” and move on. He no longer deserves your hatred because he is no longer a part of your social life (even though he is still involved in  your child’s life). Through him you have a gift so precious. You may have to share this gift with him but if that is the case then “so be it.” It is not about “getting him out of your sight.” It is really about “getting him out of your mind.” If you can find it in your heart to forgive him then it won’t feel so painful whenever you see him again. The fact that you are no longer involved with him means that you have “already” moved on in at least “one” sense. Once you get him out of your head (and heart) then it won’t be a problem at all talking to him. I understand that a woman can feel terrible emotionally when she has been “wronged” by a man. As bad as it may have been, you need to try to resist the urge to let his actions make you “eternally bitter.” Your son should be your reason for being able to “smile” again and if you can find a way to focus on that then it won’t make a difference “what your ex says, wants or does.” If you truly want to move on, then stop wasting your energy by focusing on “unneeded” anger. The best way to get past him is to “first” forgive him. If you can accomplish that, then you are finally ready to take the next steps toward moving on. Your son will be able to “feel” your resentment towards his daddy, and that is something that a child should never have to experience from a parent. If you truly want to move on, then leave the baby daddy AND the anger behind. A child needs for both of his parents to at least act civil towards each other even if they are no longer together. It is time to let go of the past and at least act like parents “separately” for the sake of the child. As long as you continue to focus on the past then you will always feel abused by it. Let go, and let your love for your son guide you to “forgive.” Thank you for your topic, and I hope you have a great day.

 

Billy Paul (He sang the classic hit “Me and Mrs. Jones) and Brett Jolly in concert in Tunisia, Africa

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: John Edwards Affair)

Mr. Jolly,

Subject: John Edwards affair

 

How do you explain the cover up of Senator Edward’s affair while married to his dying and now dead wife? I mean how can he ever be trusted and how does anyone manage such a complicated and double life? Perhaps he can use temporary insanity for his misleading life of betrayal…After all, he being a politician, presidential nominee, and having to contend with the added stress of losing his wife–combined, he may just be certifiably insane. Right?

 

 

 

 

No one can explain his actions in any “credible” way, and that includes Mr. Edwards himself. What he did and how he tried to cover it up almost single handedly destroyed any chance he had for a Presidential career. However, we should not be so quick to “bury” him just yet. Other politicians have had corrupted morals of one sort or another and still managed to bounce back (for example, Marion Barry). Some have even landed in jail only to win stunning victories in elections. Mr. Edwards was in a very favorable position to be considered as a prime candidate for President for this term if this discovered incident had not come back to “haunt” him. I honestly think that if he could have kept his background unblemished then he might have provided some insurmountable opposition to Mitt Romney in today’s current political contest. Sometimes the values we place on candidates are unforgiving. NO ONE was a saint for ALL of their years. We all are human and we all have made mistakes. The problem with John Edwards is that he tried to run for a “very” public office where opposition will “dig deep” to find any “skeletons in your closet.” Newt Gingrich, Hermann Cain, Bill Clinton and now John Edwards have been “victimized” by their own discretions. I would fall short of labeling him as “certifiably insane” though. The way he calculated all of this proved that he deliberately had the “shrewd intellect” to “try” to carry this through. His error was one of misjudgment and not lunacy. However, the fact that he was “not” crazy only shows that he really should never be trusted by an American public again. If you can forge a lie of that magnitude and expect to sneak it past an unsuspecting public like that then you deserve all the repercussions that will ensue when it is found out. John Edwards already made his bed, and he already laid down in it (obviously with someone other than his wife). His situation is very unfortunate, but in the end he has absolutely no one else to blame… other than “himself.” He can work hard to build his reputation back, but for some (if not many) this act was unpardonable. God forgives us for our sins, and I can surely forgive him as well, but that does not mean that I can “forget.” I do, however, wish him the best in all his future endeavors.

 

If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought, email me directly at Brettjolly@aol.com 

 

Jerry Butler and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Remembering Chuck Brown)

There has been a recent loss in the music realm, and the sad part is that hardly many people outside of the Washington DC area knew him. Chuck Brown, the “Godfather of Go Go”, has passed away. He was well known for his 1979 chart topping hit “Bustin’ Loose.” He was 75. He had canceled a planned performance earlier this month when it was found out that he had pneumonia. I remember years ago I was performing at some kind of armory in Washington, DC with a vocalist by the name of Jean Carn. She had a big number one hit entitled “Closer than Close” and she was designated as the “headliner” for this show. The only problem was that we were slated to come on “after” Chuck Brown. This man’s show was “so tight” that he ran ALL his tunes together and didn’t stop or pause for his entire set. Honestly, it was one of the best shows I had ever seen. It was the only time in life I felt “very” uncomfortable” performing behind an artist. When I had the chance to talk to him I told him that he sounded great and his response to me was “Thank you, man, but I’m a little hoarse.” Well, this man with the “hoarse voice” emphatically “kicked ass” onstage and I was “thoroughly impressed.” I would come across him twice years later. On one show we actually did a musical tribute to him and he came up to me and actually said “Man, you played my songs better than my guys do.” While I highly doubted that, it was great to meet some one so down to earth. Finally, at the Radioone 25th anniversary I had my final chance to talk to him.  We both were there and I said to him “You probably won’t remember me…” and he immediately cut me off and said “I do remember you… You played with Jean Carn at a show we did in DC at the armory.” I was floored, because that show was close to 20 years ago. He said that his memory is “really” strong, and he also said that he was “hoarse” that night (smile). For those of you who never got the chance to hear him in concert you really missed a great treat. Even if you “never” heard any of his tunes before you “still” would have been impressed by his music. Go Go was a music style popular mostly in the Washington DC area and only rarely did it go beyond the city limits. Chuck Brown was like the musical ambassador to DC and this was a truly tough loss. My prayers and condolences go out to his family, and may he rest peacefully and eternally in God’s hands.

 

This picture was taken from Sista to Sista Magazine from the RadioOne 25th anniversary. Chuck Brown is in the center with a hat and shades on. Brett Jolly is to the far right holding his signature “red” bass guitar.

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: 30 year lie)

Mr. Jolly,

 

 

 

 

Subject: 30 year lie

 

My wife and I are in our late 50″s. We’ve been together for 30 years and have children. I just found out that she began dating me only so she could make another man she was seeing jealous. Ever since I found out I cannot look at my wife. I cannot even talk to her. All I want to do is die. I feel like I have been living a 30 year lie. Please tell me what I should do.

 

 

 

 

For someone who only wanted to make another man jealous, she surely went overboard, don’t you think? The both of you have been married for over 30 years now (with children). She could have shut down this false pretense even sooner so that she wouldn’t have had to marry you, but lo and behold she did it and you both are still together to this very day (Isn’t THAT something?). Yeah, I guess she MUST still be lying to you (By the way, don’t forget to vote for Herman Cain on the November ballot…).  I have always said that it is not how you start, but how you finish that counts. No matter what her original intentions were back then I just can’t imagine her “not” loving you now. Now I would like for you to check out this food for thought. The best way for her to make the other guy jealous was for her to go out and get a man who was even BETTER than he was (Does that make sense to you?).  In other words, that other guy probably wouldn’t have cared (or gotten jealous) if you were some overweight, unattractive, dumb, disfigured slump of a man (By the way, this doesn’t really apply to you… right? Uh… right?). If you were indeed the better man then your wife got exactly what she wanted. There is a good possibility that you might be a little overly “sensitive” when it comes to this matter. A 30-year lie shouldn’t bring you love, marriage and kids. You should know that… If you still feel as though you want to die over this then you’ve got issues… You need to wake up, smell the coffee, and make “mad” passionate love to the woman who “obviously” loves you back (Uh, maybe you can scratch the “mad” part). Here is a Phantom Poet moment to help get you back in the mood:

 

 

 

 

My wife chose me over all the other fellas

 

But I found out she was only trying to make them jealous

 

How dare she go off and marry someone like me

 

Knowing full well that with someone else is where she really wanted to be

 

She even had the nerve to live happily ever after and have kids with me, too

 

But that was only her way of telling the other guy “I’ll show you”

 

Now I can no longer look at her, because I feel like I’m second best

 

But even after 30 something years she “still” has great breasts

 

But I now feel as though our whole 30-year marriage was nothing but a lie

 

Her old boyfriend had a trans-gender operation, and is no longer a guy…

 

To be truthful, I have a secret to tell of my own kind

 

The reason I got with you over the other girl was because you had a bigger behind

 

The more I think about it, I got the better deal (or at least that’s the way it sounds)

 

Because now her behind is WAY bigger than yours, but she’s also 400 pounds

 

So I guess I have to admit that you were my second choice, too

 

But you know what? This is one “second choice” that is “still” in love with you…

 

 

 

 

Honey? Your old boyfriend is on the phone. Why does he sound so feminine and want to talk to ME?

 

Brett Jolly and Chubby Checker (vocalist for “the Twist)

 

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                                                      The Phantom Poet

 

If you have a topioc that you would like to feature for my Daily Thought, just email me at Brettjolly@aol.com

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Had a fling)

Dear Brett Jolly,

 

 

 

 

Subject: We had a fling

 

 

 

 

John and I have known each other for many years. We started doing volunteer work and ended up in bed after one of the projects. We are both married and felt awkward afterwards. Our spouses do not know this happened and we are going to the same surprise birthday party this weekend. I feel strange going. What should I do?. I have not seen him since our encounter.

 

 

 

 

If you want your marriage to remain intact then you don’t need to see him. You both made a mistake, but you are both human. You cannot change what happened, but you can do your best to make sure it never happens again. Unfortunately, you are going to have to live with the fact that you committed adultery. There is no getting around that. It may be in your best interest to face your demons and get this party over with as soon as possible. If his spouse is attending with him and yours is attending with you then I doubt that much will happen anyway other than a few eye stares from across the room to each other. However, if the both of you are going there alone then it might wrestle up some emotional feelings (and you don’t need that). It is going to be an uncomfortable feeling for you both, but that is what happens when you cheat on your marriage. You will probably see him there at the party, but by no means do you need to be alone with him or have an extended conversation with him. As long as you stay with your husband (and he stays with his wife) then hopefully you both should be able to stay out of trouble. By the way, the next time you want to contribute to a charity, do yourself a favor and just send them a “check” instead! Here is the Phantom Poet to corrupt your weekend:

 

 

 

 

To err is human, but to forgive is divine

 

But to have sex with someone’s spouse is not a good sign

 

He was also married, but then he knew he was doing wrong too

 

But the thought of that didn’t stop him from going to bed with you

 

You both made a mistake, and hopefully you can leave it in the past

 

And let’s just hope that at the party neither one of you gets trashed

 

What’s done… is done, and you cannot change what you both did

 

But if you want to keep your marriages happy, then keep this secret hid

 

Hopefully you both will realize when you meet up for the birthday

 

You need to say hello, shake hands, and then walk the heck away

 

I guess there is one thing that seems to be over abundantly clear

 

You really go the “extra mile” whenever you “volunteer”

 

Of course, I am sure that this incident was in essence a rarity

 

Work, money, and/or time are the ONLY things you should give to charity

 

Once the word gets out about the what your charity work entails

 

Be prepared to receive a LOT of new charity offers in the mail

 

In fact, they will BUILD new charities for you, some are now under construction

 

But I don’t think your sexual favors will earn you any tax deduction

 

So when volunteering your services, I’m sure your hard work is felt

 

Just come prepared with work clothes, a good attitude and a chastity belt

 

So when you see this guy again, keep quiet for everyone’s sake and health

 

Because what they don’t know won’t hurt you or anybody else

 

So if you plan volunteer work with a married member of the opposite sex

 

Try to avoid temptation and pay your marriages the proper respects

 

Try to resist the urge and leave that person alone

 

Because the marriage you save might just be your own

 

 

 

 

Yet ANOTHER scintillating masterpiece from the Phantom Poet

 

James Ingram and Brett Jolly, along with Sheldon Reynolds, (formerly of Earth, Wind and Fire) and Johnnie Croom (formerly MD for Boyz II Men, Genuine and Aliyah)

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Mothers Day)

Yesterday was “Mothers Day” and in  celebration just about EVERYONE who didn’t have reservations at a favorite restaurant had to wait hours to “get seated.” It is the one day of the year where we honor mothers for their lifelong contributions and sacrifices. While it is truly a great deed, we need to keep in focus the fact that a mother’s sacrifice is much more deserving of just one day a year… If you sit down to think about it, without them there would be no balance… Without them there would be no love… Without them we would not exist… Yesterday after church I had to take my father and son out to my mother’s grave. We talked openly, we prayed and we paid homage to the woman who helped shape our own lives. I lost my mother in 2004 to Ovarian Cancer, and while I can no longer have her here physically I still have her memories to keep me going. There were many other people at the cemetery in remembrance of their loved ones as well. I realize that there are some people who take their mothers for granted. They consistently try to get over, take advantage and they sometimes barely tolerate having her around. For those people I can only say that you will get a “real” dosage of reality should the day ever come when you “lose” her. THAT is when you will come to realize all that she really meant to you. There are many fathers out there who have to assume the position of “father and mother” for their children but when it comes down to it “nothing” replaces the love of a mother. Moms don’t have to be perfect. They can get on your nerves from time to time, but when it comes to “having your back” a mother will confront a wild bear just to give you time to get away. If that isn’t love, then you will never know what love is. To all the mothers out there, I hope your day was everything you wanted it to be and so much more…  “You are the backbone of our society, you are the rationalization behind each irrational thought that a man has, and you are so essential to our well being. One day could NEVER be enough to show all the love we have for you, but I sincerely hope that ALL mother’s out there felt the love and admiration of their children on this particular day, because you deserved it. Thank you for ALL you have done, and I hope you all had a truly loving, safe and healthy Mothers Day.

 

Dionne Warwick and Brett Jolly in concert

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Same sex marriage)

In a landmark decision, President Obama just stated that he supports the legalization of same sex marriages. In his words this is “only fair” and since this announcement many people have had plenty to say about it. Of course, there are those that are extremely disappointed and there are those who happily approve the decision. I say that as President, your main concept should be to protect (not “protest”) the rights of the people. The gay movement was gaining strength and many Americans were coming out of the closet in solidarity for the same rights as most “conventional” married couples. As president, I just don’t see how you can ignore that. Religiously, same sex marriage is “morally” wrong. The whole concept of marriage is supposed to be a “union between a man and a woman.” While I agree with this in principle I just don’t think that we have the right to tell gay couples “how and who” to love. To me, it is the same equivalent to telling a woman what she “has” to do with her body. It is real important to keep government and religion separate. Whether or not you agree with the principle of same sex marriage it was “destined” to happen “anyway.” Certain states had “already” approved it and more were sure to follow. If the government had fought against it there was the possibility that there could possibly have been massive demonstrations as “potent” as the Civil Rights Marches of the 60’s. As a musician, I have already played for “same sex” marriages/unions (whatever you want to call them) and while it took some “getting used to” I came to accept that this was the direction that America was heading towards. I have noticed a large increase in same sex couples just “on the street.” The may not be as “blatant” with their sexuality in public but they are surely more “noticeable.” While there are still people who oppose this issue I say there “is” a way to rectify this. I say we should let them have the same rights as regularly married couples and if people have a problem with the Biblical “definition” of “marriage” then why don’t we just “label” it something else and still give them their rights anyway? Instead of calling it a marriage we can label it as a “life partner union” or something. As far as I am concerned, you can call it “Timbuktu”  as long as the same rights are still “administered.” This is not about “what you believe in” but rather about “what’s right.” We can’t always expect other people to live their lives in accordance to “our standards.” As long as it crosses no “legal” grounds it is important to at least give it “consideration.” Most preachers will probably address this on Sunday, and it will be interesting to hear what they have to say. Whether you agree with this or not you have the right to be heard, just like these couples do. It is better to listen with an “open mind” as opposed to listening with a “hole in your head.” For the sake of being “fair,” I hope we opt for more of the “former” instead of the “latter.” Thank you, and I hope you have a truly “jolly” weekend.

Patti Labelle and Brett Jolly in concert outside at the Philadelphia Art Museum

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