Dear Brett Jolly
Subject: He only comes around for sex
I’m in love with my children’s father and he knows it. He comes over to have sex with me, but we’re not together.
He tells me he’s single, but I know he’s with someone else.
He is the only person I’m having sex with. I told him I’m getting too old to play games. I’m trying to get on with my life, but still we have sex.
When I tell him I need to drop the kids off, he tells me no. But I need some alone time, too. If I had known our relationship would turn out like this, I would never have gotten involved with him. Please tell me how to end this nightmare.
As much as I hate to say it, at this point you are your own worst enemy. You know his circumstances and yet you still allow him to play you in whatever way he can. Even he can’t be blamed at this point, because now you know what’s going on and yet you are still allowing this to happen… I realize that it is tough when you truly love someone, but this kind of love will never make you happy in the long run. I can tell you what you would like to hear or I can tell you the truth. In order to win this battle you are going to have to endure some short-term pain because you need to cut ALL ties to him (with the exception of the children, of course). If he wants to see the kids, then it should be on YOUR terms, and not his. If he is cheating on his girlfriend with you, then chances are good there might be other females in the picture, too. Your problem stems from whenever you are alone with him. The answer to this is simple: Don’t put yourself in a position where you are alone with him. You need time to get over him, and the only way to do that is to stop seeing him for a while. When he calls let him talk to the kids instead of you. He takes advantage of you because he knows he can get away with it. However, he can’t do anything to you if you are not there…If you truly want to get over him, make arrangements for him to see the kids over his OWN house, and stop allowing him to stake out in yours. You will never be able to find true love if you cannot obtain some “alone” time to at least date others. If you cannot count on him, then hire a babysitter… Stop cheating yourself from finding your own romantic destiny in life and stop letting this man have control over you. You will never know what you have been missing unless you can get “out there.” You may encounter “withdrawal symptoms” in the early going but it will all benefit you in the long run. It is best to quit this situation “cold turkey.” Set your mind, be brave, and then go do what you know you need to do… Good luck… and here is the Phantom Poet to put another spin on this:
I don’t want people to think I’m really dumb
But my ex only comes by to see me when he wants some
He tells me that he’s still single, but I know he’s lying today
Yet I still have sex with him and send him on his merry way
When I tell him I want to drop the kids off, he always tells me “no”
He says he lives alone, but I know this isn’t so
I know I should leave him alone, but why even bother?
Maybe one day I should just tell the kids, “Go visit your father”
The next time he comes over my house, before he can even escape
I need to film our sexual escapades, and get him on videotape
So if he is really still single, then I should start doing things this way
Maybe I should mail hundreds of tapes to his house (at least three every day)
That way, whoever’s “not there” can see what it is we do
Because if you’re “single” as you claim, then this shouldn’t bother you
Up to this point, you may have been the best sexual partner I have ever had
But around your house, you’d better get used to hearing the word “Dad”
I will never know if another love for me can be found
Unless I get time to date, so I’m sending the kids around
Packed with overnight bags, accessories and a really neat comb
They will wait on your front step, until someone comes home
We just couldn’t make this work so it is time to part ways
Enjoy the kids, and I will be back to claim them… in a couple days…
“God bless the father who can be visited by his own”… The Phantom Poet