Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Views on Online Dating)

Mr. Jolly

Subject: Online Dating

Hi, Brett. My friend has decided it’s time to try something new. I suggested online dating. Do you have an opinion on online dating? If so, what are your views? What do you consider to be the  pros and cons? And would you, or would you not, recommend online dating?

There are pros and cons to just about ALL types of dating, but it seems like online dating is the new age thing that a lot of people are into. The good things about online dating is that in most cases you get to know the “inner” person first before meeting the “surface” person. When doing conventional dating it is usually the other way around. Also, you can look over the profile/status first and automatically reject a potential candidate without the person even knowing he or she has been rejected.  You can also compare his or her interests with yours to see if there is any type of compatibility there before saying “Hello.” Finally, online dating broadens the field of potential candidates for you to choose from. You may live in a small town where you know everyone, but online dating can bring you possible candidates from other areas that are beyond your scope. The cons of online dating are somewhat similar to regular dating. You don’t know if what they have posted on their profile pages are the truth or not. I can even take it further than that. A lot of times the pictures you may see on the page are not even representing the current image of what he or she may look like.  In fact, if the person is in his or her 30’s or 40’s there’s is a chance that the picture will be one that was taken while they were in their 20’s. Even  with all this happening, you can still send a message to the desired recipient and interact in discussion. No matter how bad the situation may get, you will always be protected by your computer screen (and your “delete” button). You may want to take note of things when chatting with people. First, take note of how they type their profile page and see if there are any similarities when chatting with you. For instance, the profile page might be typed nice and proper, but when they engage in conversation with you they might do so in “all” capital letters.  That means that there is automatically a difference between the person who made the profile page and the one you are chatting with now. Also, you need to have set questions that you would like to ask, and you need to pay particular attention to how he or she answers. It is not “what” they say that you should take note of, but rather what they “don’t say and “how” they don’t say it. If you ask someone if he or she is “married” and the person kind of dances around the answer, then that is a red flag that you need to pay attention to.  Overall, I am highly in favor of “online dating” because it offers you the chance to get to know someone “internally” first while giving you the power to “shut this down” should the person get out of hand. I would definitely recommend it to everyone. I don’t know the actual figures, but somewhere you can “Google” the statistics of succeeded relationships that began online, but I do believe the ratio is a good one. “Your friend” (yeah, I have heard THAT before) has nothing to lose by trying it, and it just might turn out to the best thing for her or  him. Thank you for your topic submission and thank you for allowing to start your week off with the Phantom Poet:

If you are in need and searching for that “proper” mate
Then it may be the right time for you to “online” date
Some people falsify profiles and they don’t want to get caught
Beware of anyone who claims to be a lawyer, doctor AND astronaut
He may state that he owns a mansion when it is some small rented out joint
And he may state that he earns “six figures (“but only when you include the “decimal point”)
And when it comes to his pictures his image might look awesome and “just right”
but you need to beware if his the quality of the picture is worn and in black and white
You also need to take note of all the jobs he says he once held
And you need to pay particular attention if all his words appear “misspelled”
Take note of any and ALL abnormalities because in case anything is missed
You could find yourself going out with someone on the FBI’s “most wanted list”
So make sure to do your research on this person, because that’s what you need to do
Oh yeah, and by the way, you don’t need to make things worse by lying on your profile too
Because if “he lies” and then “you lie” when trying to find that “perfect” lover
Then the both of you might as well get together, because you’re now “made for each other”

Yet “another” exhilarating performance from the lyrical jihad, the Phantom Poet

Remember Wonder Woman? This is Brett Jolly and Linda Carter (who now sings country music)

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: The value of marriage)

Mr. Jolly, I have a loaded question for you. With the high rate of infidelity and divorce, is the institution of marriage really worth anything anymore?

The answer to that will “always” depend on the mindsets of those people considering it (and yes, that was a loaded question). Technically, marriage is a contract and covenant under God to live together as one unit. You don’t necessarily need to get married to do these things, but it does give credibility and value to the union that the both of you have established. The rate of infidelity and divorce is indeed high but it isn’t the institution of marriage that is failing the couple, but rather the couple that is failing the “institution of marriage.” There are “experts” out there “predicting” that the whole concept of marriage will one day become “extinct.” That is alarming. Men and women need each other if we are to survive as a human race, and marriage strengthens the bond between each.  I think the biggest problem with marriages right now is that people are “not as prepared” for it as they should be. They neglect to consider what the future may entail for them. They ignore “warning signs.” They tend to think that as they grow “nothing” will change for their partner. Well, if you live long enough, “everything” will change. What you “started out with” will NOT necessarily be what you “end up” with. For instance, if you like your mate’s “tight little behind” then it would be reckless to think it will stay that way all throughout life. As we grow, we change, and often couples fail to take that into account. This does NOT mean that the institution of marriage is “worthless” because as I originally said, it depends on the “state of mind” of those contemplating it. “Love” should be the basis for marriage, but you need to consider the other factors as well. “Compatibility, finances, work ethics, personalities and family” are other factors worth considering when planning a life of “matrimony.” I do believe that most couples who get married “start off” with the best of intentions but just like everything else, the “novelty” of it can wear off, and that is often when marriages begin to “falter.” It is important to “rejuvenate” your passion for each other by doing different things on occasion. You can go for walks together, plan trips or attend a Brett Jolly concert together. The success ratio of all marriages depends on what you “put into it.” Pre-marriage counseling is not a bad idea at all. Above all, proper planning is imperative before “tying the knot, jumping the broom, jumping the gun…. whatever.” Love is always at its best when your eyes are “shut.” If you think about that one for a minute you will understand what I am  referring to. Let’s hope that marriage remains “sacred” and strong. If we can accomplish that, then it will “always” have value and meaning…. Thanks for your topic and I will let the Phantom Poet lead us all into the weekend with his infinite “words of wisdom.”

People wonder if couples should get married any more
I wonder what would make them think that for?
People say it is worthless and describe it as “bunk”
And the best way to appreciate it is to do so “drunk”
Well, I love my wife (hic!) and this is no joke or riddle
After drinking a Jack Daniels I like the one in the “middle”
Yes, there are 3 wives there, and I am not that drunk, you see
Thanks to the Jack Daniels there will always be more wives here for me
My wife knows I am a faithful husband, and that I am no slouch
She always knows where to (hic!) find me… passed out on the couch
I love her through “bloodshot” eyes, and whenever loves beckons
She KNOWS to get hers “quickly” because I ain’t gonna last more than 6 seconds
Yes, I love  my wife dearly, and for those people who have any doubt
I will continue to love her (as long as the Jack Daniels doesn’t run out)
Even though it is a little “blurry” I absolutely love (hic!) my wife’s face
Actually I think I was drunk when we got married in the first place
Since that day I think I’ve been drunk for each day we were together
And as long as I’m drunk, she will always be the (hic!) most beautiful woman… ever…

You know what? I think the pastor who married us might have been drunk too (hic!)… The Phantom poet

 

Wayne Brady and Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Arguments)

Brett Jolly,

Subject: Arguments

People usually argue because of disagreements, so why is it that even though they agree on many things, one remains disappointed and saddened?

I cannot say for sure that this is “always” the case when it comes to most arguments, but if someone is still feeling sad “after” reaching agreement then the answer more than likely lies in that particular individual. If you do in fact feel sad after resolving a dispute, I would think the main reason behind it would be “expectations.” Normally, people get disappointed and sad whenever expectations are not met, and for the people who argue this sounds like proper justification for arguing in the first place. The purpose of arguing “should” be to “resolve” issues, so if the both of you agree on things after arguing, then it is quite possible that your purpose for arguing was only to “vent” and not necessarily to “resolve.” Once an issue has been resolved there should no longer be a reason for sadness, unless, of course, you were not finished “venting.” If one person feels the argument ended too soon before getting everything “out of his or her system”then the person may strive to “continue” the conflict even after resolving it. There was a book out a long time ago entitled “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” In this book, the author claimed that when men argue, they do so to seek quick “resolution” while women argue mainly to “get frustration out of their systems.” I cannot say for sure that this applies to ALL men and women and of course, everyone is different. The “best” that you can hope to accomplish when having a dispute is to “resolve” it. If you have found agreement and yet still want to debate then you are arguing for an entirely “different” reason. I do have some tips for those people who feel like arguing (and actually want to resolve instead of vent). One, try to keep the volume of your voice down. If you are in close enough proximity to hear each other then there is no need to scream. Next, allow your adversary to speak and don’t try to talk “over” him or her. The art of fixing problems stems from talking AND listening… Be prepared to do both. Also, when making your statements, try to centralize them to the issues at hand, and don’t try to mix a whole lot of other different issues in one very long sentence. If you are going to work on these issues, try focusing on one at a time. When you talk for 5 minutes and try to incorporate 8 different issues in one sentence you are not looking to resolve, but you are looking to vent. That only makes the argument longer than what it should be and prolongs resolution. Finally, never let the past be the basis for what you hope to accomplish in the future. Whenever you look over your shoulder at the past the scenery NEVER changes, so now matter how many times you bring it out, you can never “resolve” it. If you truly want the future to change then you have to “let go” of the past and stop making it part of your “vision” for the future. For those people who like to “vent” I would suggest doing so in email rather than in person. This allows you to apply your energy into writing and it will take you some time to get all your thoughts out (which is time that you really need anyway). Also, when you write your thoughts down in  email no one can interrupt  you while you are harnessing all your energy into your thoughts. No one should feel sad or disappointed once you reach agreement. If you are still feeling that way after a quarrel then then that means you are feeling stress that you need to “let out.” There are other ways to do it besides arguing. Find something you like to do and immerse yourself into it. Keep going until you start to feel peace again.  Thank you for submitting this topic, and I hope you have a truly great and “Jolly” day.

The Stylistics with Brett Jolly in concert

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Husband wants me to dress a certtain way)

Dear Mr. Jolly St. Nicholas

 

Subject: Husband wants me to dress this way

 

My husband and I are continually fighting about what I wear. I’m in my late 40s, and he insists that I should dress like a woman in her 20s. Frankly, my shape is inappropriate for clothes that looked good on me 20 years ago. He says I’m always telling him what to wear, which is true to the extent I want him to dress nicely when we go out. But this, to me, is different. Tight skirts and sweaters just don’t work for me. We have a good marriage otherwise, but what can I do to end the bickering on this subject?

 

You can take a line from a once very popular song that goes like this: “Don we now our gay apparel…  Fa la la la la la la la la”. I have news for you. There are PLENTY of women in their late 40’s (and older) who can still wear styles that are meant for twenty year olds. A perfect example is Tina Turner. If your husband thinks you still look good in these outfits then chances are great that to him you actually do. I can’t imagine ANY man wanting to walk around with a wife who dresses in any way that embarrasses him. It is obvious that you don’t see yourself the same way he does. While you may not think that you look good in these things he knows what he likes and he knows how he wants to see you (and there is nothing wrong with a husband liking to see his wife dress in a certain manner). Also, if you can tell him how to dress, then why can’t he return the favor? You may think that tight skirts and sweaters don’t work for you, but beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder. If this man “be” the one “holding” you then you must “be” beautiful to him dressed that way. However, if you truly feel uncomfortable wearing those types of outfits, then all you need to do is exercise and get back to the shape that will MAKE you feel comfortable. THAT way you both can have what you want, and the bickering should end. There is no way you can tell your man that you don’t look good in certain outfits if he thinks otherwise. That is HIS job to tell you if that is the case. Don’t be so quick to sell yourself short on your figure. As long as your husband loves it, then why should it matter? Lastly, never let your age be the basis for how you feel or how you want to present yourself. People age at different rates, and as long as you still “got it”, then you still have the right to “flaunt it”… However, if you lost it a long time ago and have hopes of reviving it, then by all means please WAIT until it is revived before I see you dressed like this. It is one thing to be a sight for sore eyes, but it is another thing to be a sight that makes your eyes sore…  Don’t make me pull out my pair of dark shades on you… Here is the Phantom Poet offer a different “view”:

 

Our marriage is still good, even though

My husband wants me to wear outfits from 20 years ago

I keep trying to tell him that my shape is inappropriate

So none of those clothes will I EVER intend to get

Even though I am always telling him what he needs to wear

When it comes to the clothes he is asking for, I won’t even dare

If he wants me to go and put a two piece swimsuit on

Then I guess I will go do it, and then go mow the lawn

I will go work up a mighty sweat and hopefully then

We will see what kind of attention I get from passing men

I went outside dressed just like that and to my very own surprise

My husband joined me wearing only a small thong showing his skinny chicken thighs

I couldn’t believe we both were doing this, so I looked up and said “Oh God”

I think we are the neighborhood odd couple, with both of us being odd

All the people in the area gathered around to view us. To them we were a comedic treat

The both of us must have resembled some form of old recalled meat

I felt really embarrassed but as the evening went on I could tell

That all the attention was turning me on, and he is my husband, so what the hell

I think I like dressing this way for my husband, whether or not anyone else complains

And he is looking mighty sexy in a thong decorated with sweaty grass stains

The neighbors can say whatever they want, but I am only tending to my husband’s needs

In fact, I am about to tackle and wrestle him in the corner over there by the weeds

So if you women out there disagree with the clothes that your husband wants you to don

Then put on the outfit he likes and then go mow your lawn

The adventure might be more than either of your suspects

Plus you might get worked up enough to enjoy some really good sex

While the sex lives of other couples seems to be getting darker and blacker

I am about to show my husband my special skills with this here “weed whacker”

We may be too kinky, but for our marriage it will surely do

We have spiced up our love life, and our lawn looks great too

 

Botanically yours… The Phantom Poet

 

Singers Anthony Hamilton, Bill Withers and his daughter in concert with Brett Jolly

 

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Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Breaking into the entertainment business)

As a musician and music producer, I often get a lot of artists that come up to me wanting to know what they have to do to get “out there.” In other words, they consider themselves to be vocalists who would like to reach stardom. I tell all of them that it is NOT just about being a good singer. There are many great singers out here who still don’t have what it takes to make it to that “next level.” Most record labels (at least the ones that are still left) are more concerned with “marketability.” They want to know if this artist is good enough to “sell.” They don’t care if you have have great vocal instruction or if you can read music. I talked to an agent who once booked a lot of the “major” acts in Atlantic City. He told me that he has a much easier time booking a woman who is at best a “marginal” singer (that looks GREAT) than he does when it comes to booking a GREAT  singer who is homely or out of shape. This has usually been the norm for the music industry (even though I must admit there have been some exceptions).  I was pleasantly surprised recently when Adele won her 6 Grammy Awards. For those of you who are not familiar with her, Adele has been classified as “overweight” by industry standards, and yet she still managed to excel. Of course, the real part of her longevity will be foretold in the near future, because this industry is still a very “visual” one. I have already heard that she has “decided” to lose weight (I wonder if she actually decided this or if her management decided it FOR her). As for other artists, it is more about what you DO rather than what you can do. Kanye West is a strange individual who has done a lot of things to get him “noticed.” Some of the things he did were by no means positive but his career still was enhanced because of it. Lady Gaga is a good singer who excels more at “controversy” when it comes to promoting her career. The same can be said for Rihanna, who has never been well known for having exceptional vocals. If you are an up and coming performer, then you are going to have to “compete” with these music icons who are “already established.” This means that you need to have a concept, identity and image that will complement your voice and make you “sell-able.” Those that think they “have it” are welcome to contact me. It is important to know all about the industry that you wish to be a part of. ALL performers need a “package.” If you are a vocalist, you need a professionally recorded song, a video and pictures. Without any of these your chances are just about null. I can help you put all of this together, even if you live in some far off little country town whose name no one can “pronounce.” Just email me at Brettjolly@aol.com and I will gladly talk to you about what you need. Please keep in mind that most times I am extremely busy but I always try to respond back to “everyone” who reaches out to me. The music industry is changing and there are good things and bad things to note about these changes. It is best to be well informed BEFORE diving into this. You will never know your full potential until you at least “reach” out for it. You may have what it takes, but you may not have what you need to “know.” It does NOT hurt to ask questions. Thank you and as I said, I can be reached by email at Brettjolly@aol.com. Take care and have a great day.

Bonnie Raitt and Brett Jolly performing together in concertImage

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Wife and weight)

Dear Brett

Subject: Wife put on weight

I am 39; my wife is 35. We have been married for seven years. In that time, she has put on about 30 to 40 pounds and gone from a size 7 to a size 12. She works out but has bad eating habits. On the other hand, I am 6-foot-1 and fit. I go to the gym three times a week, and I have been told that I look younger than my wife. Is it wrong of me to want my wife to slim down? I don’t look at her the same: Her body does not turn me on at all. Is there something wrong with me or her? I think we are headed for divorce – and she can tell something is wrong. Any suggestions?

 

Yeah… Put your money on the Eagles for this Sunday’s playoff game… Oh, you mean any suggestions for your marriage? Sorry… Well, as people get older, change happens. That is just a fact. That doesn’t mean that you have to accept the fact that she put on weight, though. If she can tell that something is wrong, then you may as well be upfront and just confirm her suspicions by telling the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the short term pain she may experience will be small compared to the long term pain she will suffer if you don’t address this issue. In a nice way, you should let her know about her eating habits and alert her to the fact that her health is also at stake if she doesn’t take action. In fact, you can even invite her out to the gym with you and sometimes go walking with her. Just engaging in these activities should help her get back in shape and should help bring you closer in the process by doing things together with her. Her main problem could just be the fact that she needs a trainer, and who would be better qualified than you to help her? On the other hand, you will need to be patient, because her weight will not come off in just one day. You married her for better or worse, so there is no need to even think negative thoughts about “divorce court”. Also, there could be other reasons for your wife’s weight gain, and as her husband you need to be attentive to things that are going on in her life. Some people eat as a result of depression. Stop thinking about you so much and try to focus on her a little more. In the end, you may find out more than you bargained for, and your marriage could be even stronger as a result of it. Here is a small tidbit from the Phantom Poet to expand on this matter:

 

 

My wife was once very pretty, but now she has put on weight

Instead of wanting sex with her now, I’d think I’d rather master blast

Instead of staying slim, she managed to put on thirty or forty pounds

Whenever she goes for food at restaurants, she always goes for extra rounds

I go to the gym 3 times a week, and I am 6 foot 1 and fit

When she wears a pair of tight jeans it takes days to get out of it

I just can’t believe she has let her weight get so out of control

Instead of going for a walk, she now goes for a “roll”

She eats like crazy now, and I wish I could get her to stop

She is so overweight that during sex she’s NO LONGER allowed on top

Because when she’s on top my ribs really cannot take it

When making love, I’m probably the only man in the world who has to “fake it”

I wish I could find a way to tell her about it without appearing real crude

I got it! When she leaves I will just take the opportunity to hide all the food

And just to help ensure that our great marriage will last

I will stock the cabinets with nothing but “Slim Fast”

She can have all she wants of that and top it off with an after dinner mint

And if I offer to take her to the gym with me, hopefully she will get the hint

She eats so much that we can now list our eating utensils as “tax deductions”

President Obama needs to declare her plate a “weapon of mass destruction”

I still love her, but I want her to get back to the shape she was long ago

But if she cannot make it, I am still her husband, and I will still love her so

So when your wife gets too comfortable and starts to put on weight

Offer to take her to the gym with you, before it gets too late

The both of you can work out together and that way she won’t feel so alone

Because in the end, the weight you save, just might be “her” own…

 

“All of me…Why not take ALL of me?” The Phantom Poet

Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (New web site)

For some odd reason today I am having difficulty putting out my Daily Thought page. The server at Register.com is having problems just publishing their own site and the people at WordPress.com are sending me messages telling me that I no longer have access to my dashboard and to ask for an “invite” from an administrator of the site. I thought Friday the 13th was LAST week:) I apologize for my late submission.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about the art of “creativity.” I absolutely LOVE being creative and trying to do new and interesting things. When I was a young boy, my parents bought me a pool table, ping pong table, basketballs, baseball equipment, pogo sticks, paper, art utensils and a piano (to say the least). Pop’s reason for doing this was because he wanted to “expand my horizons” as a young boy and he thought that having all this neat stuff around would “spark” my interests. Well, he was right. I took to just about “everything” and tried my best to master it all. One of the things I loved most was “drawing.” I used to draw superheroes, people and just about anything else. I would even sell the pictures I drew (and people actually bought them). However, as I grew older I found that art was too “time consuming.” I loved doing it, but I also wanted to play basketball, music and just about everything else. I finally gave up on art and moved on to bigger and better things. Well, NOW my interests have taken on a newer direction, but my experience with art has helped me embrace it. Besides doing music, writing, and playing my guitar, I have now worked on creating a new web site. The actual address of the site is WWW.Love-notes.co (This is the exact spelling of it, and make sure to put the hyphen (-) between “love” and “note” and remember that it is a dot “co” and not a dot “com.” This is a site that is “dedicated to the emotional needs of women.” On this site, I plan to feature interaction with women who need a soundboard to “vent” and also I am offering personalized songs, videos (with music) and photo shoots. So far the response has been very encouraging, and I hope to let that encouragement inspire me to make it everything women want it to be. I am also asking for opinions, suggestions and even contrary views. In other words, I would love to know your opinions of the site. The site is designated to reach out to women who “need” someone to listen to them and I only hope that I have managed to capture the true essence of that. I realize that this might be considered a “shameless plug” but isn’t that the way business ventures should be handled? I invite you to check out my new web site WWW.Love-notes.co and let me know your honest opinions. Thank you so much and hopefully I will have less problems with the site than I am having trying to post this Daily Thought. Thank you and have a great day:)

Brett Jolly